Thursday, December 15, 2005

thought of the day

Proving I waste too much time at work:

Why is a vagina called a beaver? I'm not hairy and I don't bite. (unless provoked and then it's on)

A blowjob called a blow job. There is no blowing going on. (unless I've been doing it wrong, which I've been told I'm not, but if I am, please someone tell me now. I want to correct this as soon as possible.)

Motherfucker, why isn't it fatherfucker?

Son of a bitch, why not daughter of a bitch?

An erection called a Johnson? Seriously, why not Smithie, Douglass, Eric?

A penis called a penis. Could it be called a more pathetic and whiney sounding name? It really should be called something more manly. At the very least something like, Penissourus Rex. See, so manly. Although right now I have an image of a giant green penis running after me with its short little arms hunting me down trying to eat me with its raxor like teeth. I need to work on that one.

....image out of my head...image out of my head...


Will said...

Beaver -- I'm pretty sure that's an old saying when shaving nether regions wasn't fashionable... or possible without infection.

Blowjob -- To completely answer this question I'll have to see if you're doing it correctly. I'll pick you up around 7.

Fatherfucker -- men age better, so fucking some old dude, like Sean Connery, isn't as gross as fucking an old broad, like Barbara Bush. Therefore motherfucker is worse than fatherfucker.

Daughter of a bitch -- cause it would be bitch of a bitch, which isn't all that insulting.

Erection/Johnson -- Ford was taken by the car company, and McDonald's sued to get the rights back.

Penis -- never, ever refer to my penis as a penis. I have a cock. There are no other options.

Now that I've solved those problems I'm off to fix Israel-Pakistan relations, reducing the national debt, and eliminating world poverty...

Or maybe I'll actually work. Later.

BigWinner810 said...

Some of us already do say "P-Rex."

About the motherfucker thing, my "inner dork" wants to say that it somehow relates to the story of Oedipus Rex.

Party Girl said...

You guys are so helpful. Thanks

Party Girl said...

Will: where were you? I waited and waited.

Eric the Something said...

Joe Rogan does a fabulous bit on women not calling it a penis, because it sounds pathetic and weak. It's on his CD "I'm Going to Die Someday." Funny shite.