Monday, April 28, 2008

holy fuck-buckets, Batman!

So, the birthday weekend was speldiferous. Lots o' shots in a row, lots o' Sam Adams in a row. There was no row of vomit. Nope, not even a hang-over. Trust me, I don't know how I do it either. Thanks for the well wishes.

Last week went from Monday morning to Wednesday night in a blink of an eye as it always does, yet I am still amazed every week. But, the end of the semester is fast approaching and I have a lot to cram in, so, I had a plan of attack and a long list of things to check off in the next weeks. (wow, that was a run-on)

Which of course means I went out on Thursday (and probably a few other days last week, but the important day is Thursday.) Out with friends, pitchers of Sam Adams and lots of shots (notice a theme?) Most importantly I only had to split a pitcher the rest was free. Ah, thanks.

While out with the generous friends at the local college bar, we were listening to our favorite piano playing entertainer. Good friends, sharing laughs, comparing cleavage, and checking out the youngins. Each corresponding laugh, cleve, and oogle was followed by the aforementioned shots.

Finally, I need to take a pee break. In the one toilet bathroom, listening to the entertainment through the walls, when I hear Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" I straighten my posture on the pot in excitment aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand immediately throw my neck out.

That's right. Journey threw my neck out. Not a blowjob, boobage, great kiss, bump and grind involved. Although, I don't think pumping and grinding to Journey is possible. Sex, sure. Down and dirty sex, um, no.

So, out of the bathroom, walk to the table of friends, grasping the back of my neck, but I am determined to stay the night. A few more shots, (in the hopes it would lube me up into relaxation) my best gal tipping the beer up to my lips, aaaaaaaaaaaaand then me finally giving it up and going home.

Covering my neck and arms in the most lovely fragrant of Icy/Hot, taking some vicodin, and rolling the back massager all over my body. (It is a back massager, not a vibrator.) (although, let's be honest, it has worked wonders as both.) Around 3 a.m. suddenly becoming very tired (might have been the alcohol and vicodin. Didn't really think that one through. Or did I?)

Awoken at 10 a.m. by my best gal making sure I was still alive. I was. I was also in a hell-of-a-lot pain. And not from the alcohol.

Long story, long, I was out all weekend. No, I mean, out, as in, on the couch. No amount of Icy/Hot, alcohol, alcohol and vicodin, some pot that I found (old, but still pot) was able to help. Why is this a big deal? Cause this weekend was supposed to be uber productive. Productive in getting all papers finished this week so I could work on all internship requirements next week (finals week) so that if I have an adverse reaction to the yellow fever vaccine and the Hep A and Hep B vaccine, which I am having shot into my body the day after finals (and a night out with friends) it wouldn't matter.

Cause I leave for Brazil in less than five weeks (!!!!!!)

So, this weekend was to be all productive.

It wasn't.

Instead I learned that I can take vicodin and alcohol and feel really good, but not ease the pain, that I was frustrated by my lack of being able to do anything I needed to. (typing was not an option) (I even tried masturbating to ease the tension and pain.) (I was happy, but the neck wasn't.) However, today I managed to get up early and kick-out six pages of nothing but facts for this week's history paper. So, gold star for me.

On a completely unrelated note, Miley Cyrus's photo spread, why do we care; and if it effects her career, that's just sad. My god, sex sells everything and she is 15. I realize her career is for little girls, but again, she is 15 going on grown-up, did we think she was going to sing for Disney forever?

Okay, back to me: So, the point of this post is that, I can throw my neck out in a really sad and pathetic way, I drink a lot, I still like pot even though I haven't smoked in a really, really long time, I need to be less enthusiastic while taking a pee, and I leave for Brazil way too soon, but not soon enough, but too soon that I still have a crap load of things to accomplish. (Again, with the run-on.)


Oh, and I was awarded a $500 scholarship for the summer, I made some money selling my jewelry at a fundraiser, but I am still in need of funds. C'mon stimulus check.


puerileuwaite said...

Thanks for the reminder. I'll be right over to conduct your complimentary stimulus check.

Karl said...

Sounds like a great birthday, minus the neck injury. Very exciting, going to Brazil. I'm sure they have some high grade pot available. Pick me up some, will you, please?

Jay said...

Sorry to hear about your neck, love. If you ever need a little TLC and a good neck rub,(among other things,) you know where to find me.

Oh, and the Miley Cyrus thing... did you read the comments by the Disney rep chastising Vanity Fair for "taking advantage of a 15 year old for the purpose of selling magazines"? That's like Hitler calling Pol Pot a sociopathic mass murderer! If Disney is upset about this, it's only because Vanity Fair muscled in on what Disney's been doing for years.

limpy99 said...

I don't know why everyone's so excited about the Miley Cyrus thing. It's nothing compared to what Mindy McCready was apparently doing when she was 15.

As for your neck, I've also sprained mine in the bathroom, but that's usually because of vomiting after too many shots and beer.

Phollower said...

I had to google Miley Cyrus to find out who she is. So what you're saying is I need to wait 3 more years before I can legally google her again, huh?

GirlGoyle said...

Yikes nothing like a crick in the neck on your birthday while listening to Journey to remind you of how we all age. Some more gracefully than others. LOL

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