self-doubt

Last week and continuing into this week has been the natural feeling of, what the holy crap am I doing and it is the right decision and am I screwing up my life in major and irreversible ways?
Or something like that.
The natural progression of emotions when a major life change is in the works (or eight major life changes, but whose counting and keeping track?) (well, I am.) One thing that is adding to and not helping the moving on of this natural feeling is that my current place of employment is not making it easy on me. Not making it easy because no one...no one...(no, really, not one single solitary person) wants me to leave. I hear (numerous) (numerous) times a day, "I'm happy for you, but I don't want you to leave." Sometimes it is a simple, "Please, don't leave." Sometimes it actually goes into a full sentence of, "I never thought you would leave and I think when it comes right down to it, you're ultimately not going to leave." and numerous variations thereof.
It's nice to be loved.
I LOVE it here.
I wanted to stay.
My boss wants (really, really, really, really, really, really, really) wants me to stay.
My co-workers, and those who I just generally bs with throughout the day, all want me to stay.
My co-boss (really, really, really, really, really, really) wants me to stay and ultimately she and I had a meeting with my boss-boss to try and convince her to get me to stay. But, (there is always a but) it's not up to my boss-boss, it is a much bigger machine (called state funding) than all of us. The place where I work is not creating any new jobs for the next two years. Mine would have been considered a new job (as it was re-worked and recreated to meet all of my needs, wants, and desires.)
So.
Not much choice.
I want to continue to do what I am, but for more money and in a greater capacity, but it's not going to happen. And I can't continue to be this poor and work five jobs. (no, really. I can't.)
So.
Off to grad school.
But, with all of the "Don't leaves" combined with no words of congratulations from the family, combined with the cycle of my own self-doubt, yeah. I'm questioning my decision.

On a completely unrelated front, after my econ test that I was sure I bombed (I actually didn't. I've already gotten the grade back. I truly most be learning through osmosis.) I decided I need beer. (Because beer makes everything better.)(And don't forget, smarter.)
I hit one bar and I had one beer.
Hit the second bar (and boy did my head hurt!) and had more than one beer. I think I had four...or five, I can't remember exactly. But however many it was, I paid for all of them.
Yep.
Not a single beverage was paid for by someone else. Now I did have conversation. I did have flirtation. I did have a proposition. But, not a dime, a dollar, a nickle was laid down on the bar for my beverage enjoyment.
I'm having doubts about my mo-jo.
Doubts about one's mo-jo is worse than doubts about ones future. Or is it that my future is in doubt over my mo-jo? I dunno. Either way I came home $20.00 shorter than when I left my house. And well, this girl is short enough.