the cops, a crush that can't be had, wondering why I am here, wondering why I left, a few bad dates

but not necessarily in that order.

Okay, so I hit a rough patch. It happens. Nothing huge, but all of that small stuff that we're told not to sweat and normally I don't, but then, it kind of all got to me. So here is the quick of it (or the long of it.)

I had two huge tests coming up. I completely bombed one of them. The one that counted the most. I spent more time on the Wednesday night test when I should have spent all the time on the Thursday test. I knew this, but everyone was more worried about the Wednesday, so I listened to them, not to me. We will get the test back tomorrow (only taken two weeks, and conveniently past mid-term and last day to drop.) If I get 20 points out of 100 I will be surprised. I know I bombed it.
This in combination with a few papers, yeah GPA not stealer. This will affect my scholarship and my over-all need to maintain a 3.0, GPA. But no pressure.
Again, it happens.

However, another reason for not getting the study time in was that the day before I had a guy knock on my door. He seemed surprised that I was home/answered. He came up with a convoluted story about living here previously, had a refund check coming, when it arrived could I call him and he will come get it. I said, no, but I will forward it; give me your address.
He did. I thought the whole thing was odd, but let it go.
Two hours later I got a call from the utility company. The same guy had claimed he lived here and wanted his utilities forwarded here; they were making sure this was true.
No.
My friends went with me to buy another lock for my door and a peep hole for the door. The guy friend and I (Mr. IQ) stayed up drinking, talking, and eating pizza well into the morning. He was flirting, I was reminding him that he has a girlfriend..also a friend of mine.
The next day I called the cops about the guy once I had a chance to follow-up with the landlords and such. So, due to...I have no idea what, and much drinking, the study time didn't happen.
Again, it happens and it was my own fault..and not so much my own fault.

This lead into me questioning even more why I am here at grad school studying Public Policy. Thus far I am not learning about what I thought I would be and I'm not really enjoying the classes.

I looked into changing programs. The Communications dept. gave me until Thursday (about three days) to get all of my materials in. I did. So know I'm not sure if I will change programs or not come spring semester.
I spoke with the director of the Public Policy on Friday. We think we have a focus area all planned out for me, but I still need to figure out who teaches them and if they will be willing to make them grad level classes for me come next year if I decide to stay in Public Policy.
So, I am pondering over that.

A couple bad dates. No need to really go into that. They were bad. I left after an hour. No need to waste my time.

It's pretty obvious Mr. IQ is interested in me.
However, once again he is dating another gal in our program and once again, she is my friend.
No dice.
I'm a Party Girl, but I am good Party Girl with a conscious and I would never hurt anyone.
No, I am always the one who ends up hurt in the end.

This is a very quick gloss over of what the last few weeks have been. Basically everyday I question my decision to move up here and go to grad school and whether I am in the right program. I am enjoying grad school (as much as a person can) I love all of my new friends, I love the area, I love the school. Work has gotten better since Homecoming is over. It's more about whether or not I am in the right program and the decision to go to grad school when I did.

...

Okay, maybe now is the time to confess.
I knew I wanted to go to grad school, I had just forgotten my potential. I knew it was in me, I had just forgotten it was there.
Mr. London reminded me. He reminded me of my potential. (So did everyone I used to work with.) He moved. I couldn't stop thinking about him. The person who leaves always has it better than the person who stays.
...see where this is going?
Obviously I was accepted into school on my own merit, but I didn't want to wait until spring. For one thing, student loans would come due and I would have needed to get a few more jobs to pay for them, but I also didn't want to be in the same place, with the same story, thinking about someone who was no longer here. I needed to move on. Right decisions, but maybe the wrong choice, wrong time. Cause although I still have my own life and a new life, I still think about London more than I care to admit.

...anyway.

Hmm, okay. I said there wouldn't be any more whiney posts. I lied. I'll try to do better next time.
I have many bar stories to share. I'll start sharing those.

Something tells me I'll have another post by tomorrow as Mr. IQ called asking me out for a drink tonight. I declined. He then said he might need a drive home. I told him to call me when he is ready to leave the bar. (He doesn't need to be arrested or kill anyone.)
If nothing else Wednesday will be enjoyable. The four of us (he, me, his girlfriend, and another gal) are going as the Publisher's Clearinghouse Prize Patrol. Oh, yeah. Halloween and a Party Girl are always a good time.