Yeah, I am being a bit lazy, but honestly, these little inner dorkings about me, they're sort of scary for me. I know, odd.
Anyway, here are 10 (previously unknown) things about me:
Did you know (and no, you didn't)
1) In the summer my toe nails are always painted candy-apple red.
My fingernails are rarely painted and usually go unnoticed by me and grow very long.
2) I was really hoping to work on some of my writing/short stories this summer. However, due to how fast and frantic the summer turned out to be, all I've had time to do is scribble some lines in a pocket-sized notebook I carry with me.
3)I have recently ( as in, just last week) discovered I have serious abandonment issues.
I HATE how hokey and "child of divorce" that sounds, but I have to admit, the issue is very real to me.
I am incorporating this into all of my other issues and I am working on it.
4) As a result of this issue, my guard has been in full-blown brick wall mode for the past three weeks.
I had no idea how fast I go into survival mode. Ah, issues, do they ever go away, or do I just become more aware of them?
5) I wish I had the time, energy, and creativeness to post on this blog everyday like I did in previous times.
I found it to be therapeutic, good writing practice, and great way to find my voice.
What number am I on?
6) I'm scared that I am going to end up living someone else's life.
Finish grad school, move back home until I find a job and stay in home state. As long as I am happy, that's fine, it's the, "not being happy, but my family is happy I am here" thing that scares me. That the sadness my family would keep me from living the life I want to live.
7) I have found that stories just seem to happen to me.
I go out, I mind my own business, before I know it, there is a story to be told somewhere about what happened to me.
Do the stories find me, do I create them, do they just happen?
8) This summer I have spent money like I have it to spend.
Which I do not.
I like to spend my money on going out with friends, going to restaurants, bars. So, basically on food and alcohol.
I've spent a lot of money this summer.
I do not have the money to spend.
August should be interesting when it comes to "so, how am I going to pay rent?"
If I had boundless amounts of cash I would pay of my student loan debt and travel the world as a free spirit. No ties, just go.
Perhaps this says something about me?
9) I go back to Small State U apartment next Friday. I am ready to be home, in my place, in my bed, but I am not ready to be back in Small State U city, nor am I ready to start back to school.
I need a brain break, a school break, a me break.
10) I've learned a lot of lessons this summer. I had no idea about what I didn't know.
I've grown-up, (some, not a lot) I've grown. I've listened, I've learned. There has been way too much needless stress in terms of Brazil, my internship with Grassroots org, (which, even though I resigned, just keeps on coming.) re-taking econ (and oy! that just plain sucked. Let's hope I pass, or there won't be a second year of grad school.) (Yes, this has been a real concern.) However, there has been real joy, accomplishment, and hand-prints left on my heart; with working for the state, working with my special needs students, taking a moment for myself, listening to my inner voice, letting my spirit speak, taking yoga classes, being with my family and many friends many of which I haven't seen in over a year.
The summer of possibilities has been just that, possible.
What about you?
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11 comments:
Wow. You paint your toenails candy apple red, too? I thought I was the only one. Sorry about the bummer items though.
P: I changed it up and went cotton candy pink, I don't like it. Candy apple red, it must remain, don't you agree?
Hey, the first step towards recovery is admitting there's a problem, right? Only eleven more steps to go....hopefully?
I have multiple things to comment on, but I have a horribly poor memory so I'll apologize now for the disjointed and random order of which I comment. :o)
1-re: walls and guarding. I definitely think that as we get older we get more "en guarde" and are more aware of warning signs to put up our defenses. We become old & jaded, essentially, which means that it takes new efforts to get to know us...which can require more effort from others that they may not want to put forward. I applaud you for recognizing this...of course, bringing down the defenses is a whole other topic entirely.
2-you can always force yourself to write. I've heard it's a good trick to get your "muse" working again, but I unfortunately am not much help on this topic.
3-I doubt you, of all people, will live someone else's life. I think the past dictates a few things, and as such, your willingness to pick up, start over, and keep moving forward shows that no matter what, you will never live a life that is not honest and true to yourself. It might be tempting to take the so-called easy road out, but you would never let yourself do it.
4-re: stories happening to you - see my previous comment regarding writing every day. ;o)
5-sounds like you've had a very eventful and busy summer. Which to me, sounds like a fabulous one to have. :o)
ptg: I am working on the issues. It's taking time. The good news, I am working through them and I have hope that I will be better on the other side of it all. Hopefully this means I will finally be able to meet someone worth meeting...and here's a thought, worth keeping...or, and again, just a thought, not kick to the curb before I even give them a chance.
...I'm working on some of my short stories.
...I'm going to start working on posting here everyday. I miss the blog.
I miss the blog love.
We miss your blog love too.
I'm so with you on number 8. I've been bleeding money all summer too and I have nothing to show for it. I don't even go out to eat much. All I know is that my bank account is hurting badly. UGH.
Just a hearty good luck on your return to school. And fuck econ.
Ahhh... my favorite Party Girl. As you wish that you could write here in your blog everyday, I wish I could read your blog everyday as well. But with insane work hours, a brief period of no internet, and the grind that is going back to college after a ten year hiatus, (yes, I have made the leap back into the realm of the learned,) I have not had my daily recommended intake of Party Girl, a dilemma I plan on tackling with a regimen of clear liquids and catching up on the happenings of my favorite lady on the blogosphere!
Until we meet again, my dearest...
ptg: Ah....
I had big plans to try and post everyday this week. Um......
GG: I am hemmoragging money. And since I only use cash, yeah.
Rent, anyone?
limpy: I wish I could fuck econ, but alas, no.
I did really well on my final, but have no idea about my final grade. Even though the class was an 8-weeker and not a 10-weeker, it will be posted the same time as the 10-weekers. Meaning 8/13. Transcripts/grades sent out on 8/19. Classes start 8/25. Should be good for my stress level.
Jay!!!!!!!
Oh.my.goodness.
I have wondered, perplexed, and been vexed as to your presence.
School? Where, when, what for?
Good to see you, Love.
Since 10 years is a long time to be out of the classroom, I'm starting off small here at Madison's local community college, (Madison Area Technical College,) starting Aug. 25th with the intention of transferring to the University of Wisconsin as an Anthropology major and possibly minor in History. I just tied up the loose ends on my financial aid package today, (yay student loans!) and I'm ready and anxious to start!
Jay:
That's exciting. I considered Anthro way back when.
Good for you, don't let the stress get to you, enjoy the ride as much as you can.
As to my previous comment, I meant to say: I've been perplexed by your absence.
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