Today I met with my therapist. I think I'm going to really like her and the sessions will prove beneficial.
Good news, the sessions are "free." The reason for the quotes? Well, they are not really free, they are part of my student health fee, so I would be paying for them whether I was using the services are not. So, I plan to take full advantage of the free-ness.
I just hope I am "cured" by May. That's when I graduate. And those quotes are because, are we ever cured? Doubtful.
I've already had a few mini-little-breakthroughs. Actually, that's not the right word, perhaps connections is a better word, as to why I do what I do. Which is comforting.
She told me today that we will work towards discussing the rapes and she will push me in that direction. I thanked her for that. I confessed that I'm pretty good at talking about everything but whatever the problem might be.
I have a standing Friday morning appointment with her for the semester. That alone I find comforting.
Unfortunately, the migraine I've felt coming on all week, finally made head-fall today. So, today was beneficial, productive, and then came to a crashing halt.
On the insomnia front: After having a whiwind of emotions yesterday, ranging from silliness, happiness, breathing after my CBA test, and then running head-first into anger, the night ended in another night of not sleeping (falling asleep a little after 3 and waking-up at 7:30.) So, this morning I bought some different over-the-counter sleeping pills. I will try them tonight. Here's desperately hoping they work. I bought them before my session this morning. My therapist told me if they don't work, I really need to consider a prescription. Yeah, I agree. The insomnia is beyond ridiculous. Not to mention: not productive, adding fuel to the emotional fire, and effecting other aspects of my life. Enough already.
So, just a short update on the progress that will commence henceforth.
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3 comments:
I would like to say (without any condescending) how PROUD I am of you for being proactive about getting some help. Going to see a therapist was the best choice i ever made and i still see him, even after he "cured" what I had come there for. life is hard, even without the past events you've weathered. For what it's worth, I think you made exactly the right choice. Your health is important, and mental health is a priority.
HST: thanks for the support. I think everyone should go through therapy at some point in their life. Just the ability to talk openly with someone and not have then interject their own stories, ect, but just listen, that alone is worth it.
Sleeping pills: highly disappointing. Took over two hours for them to kick in, so by that time I was well into my tossing and turning routine. Then I was just very lucid all night. I slept, but it wasn't good sleep.
I'll try again tonight and just take them way in advance of going to bed...opposed to the 30-45 minutes I did last night.
Ugh...I hope you can get some good sleep tonight! I have been sleeping really poorly as well lately (I fall asleep, but am waking up so much during the night that I'm awake more than asleep).
I am also very proud of you...just for the fact that you are able - and willing - and ready (kindof) - to talk about all of the past and its' influence on you is fantastically strong and a demonstration of your own personal growth and power.
And wow, did that sound cheesy once I wrote it out.
In any case, I hope you get some peace back in your life. Because God knows you deserve it!
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