a quick hello

Just a quick, what's been going on in my life, update.

Turkey Break will be in less than two weeks and gosh, am I looking forward to it.

However, since I plan to boycott my computer during that time and I have a few papers due immediately upon my return from Turkey Break, I have to do some serious ass hauling on the paper and homework front between now and the next less-than two weeks. (yes, that is a run-on.)

How serious? This semester I have 19 papers due. I've finished five.
Just in case your math skills are like mine, I'll clarify: yeah, that's not good.

One of those papers is my HUGE research paper (not a thesis, but it might as well be and we have a semester to come up a subject and complete it) which I have hit a wall on. I need to change my paper a smidge (perhaps more than a smidge.) I was going to write about U.S. birth control policy 1850-Present; does policy affect society, or does society affect policy, but think I am going to change it to 1850-1900 and just touch on the last 100+ years. Not happy about that, but I do not think I have much choice in the matter. Too big, and too short of time to finish it. Technically I have until March. Actually, I want to finish by December.

On a personal front: not dating anyone. September and October I was dating three people. I no longer am. Sure the holidays are approaching and it would be nice, but let's be honest, why is it nice just to have someone around the holidays? It's not. It's nice to have a special someone all the time.

I am also done with the "someones" and looking for "the one."

On a therapy front: It is going very well. It has been very emotional and frustrating. It has affected my friendship with my best gal, but I think that rough patch is over.
Everything I thought I knew about myself, has turned out to be wrong.
All the reasons I thought I did something, nope, not so much. All those reasons were wrong.
So, that realization has affected who I thought I was. The reasons for my past failed relationships, the reasons for me being in grad school, my undergrad education, my extreme need for privacy, why I put my guard up, why I am guarded...all of it and so much more and I am sure even more that I have no idea about...all have, are, and will continue to become clear.

So, yes, it has been wonderfully gratifying to talk about everything, but incredibly emotional and heartbreaking.

Yet, I feel calm. Very calm. And strong. And maybe even a little brave. But, I'm not sure about that one yet. That one I will have to think about a little bit longer.

In the last two weeks everything has been back in technicolor. I am back to my old-self. Well, my old-self that is now my new-self, and best of all, I am sleeping better. Better, but not perfect. However, I will take better. And that better is without sleeping pills, which makes it perfect.