Comps are on Thursday and Friday. All positive energy and thoughts being sent my way are appreciated. Two days of testing, nine subjects, 10 questions; no idea what those questions are/will be. Eck! (Every moment I am awake, there has been a book, note, computer, pen in my hand, face, mind.)
Stress level, too high to count.
Here is my state of (mind) life from last week:
Tuesdays are my incredibly long day. I’m in class from 11:00-8:00 and by the time I leave class I am cross-eyed exhausted and famished. So, I sprint across campus to buy my late night dinner, boogie on home, change my clothes, wash my face, take-out my contacts, clean my glasses, put on my glasses and inhale my dinner where chewing may or may not be involved (definitely will not be involved.)
Last week was no different. The only difference was when I put on my glasses. Glasses on and my world is a blurry-eyed mass of colors and indistinguishable figures. In 1.5 seconds there is a rush of thoughts and emotions: “I am going blind. The stress of grad school has stolen my eye-sight. Awesome. I don’t have insurance, how am I going to pay to get my eyesight back? My glasses are broken! In the five minutes it took me to wash my face I lost my eyesight. My prescription changed, holy hell, I’ve gone blind. I’m going to fail grad school because I cannot see to take my exams, or read, or write. Perhaps I will be able to fulfill my dream to play the piano.” What in god’s name is going on with my brain-eye connection?
I take off my glasses to see what has gone wrong with my vision.
Wait. I can still see.
It’s a miracle! I’m cured!
It’s either a miracle or, my contacts are still in.
Contacts + glasses = a blurry world of colors and figures. My dream of becoming a piano player is over.
So, I inhale my dinner and decide that I should study.
But then I think perhaps studying for my comprehensive exams can wait. After all, I did just temporarily lose my eyesight.
I compromise.
Instead I open (and drink) a large glass (also known as a bottle) of wine, take a Xanax, and watch Jim Gaffigan on Comedy Central.
Believe it or not, Xanax + a large glass (bottle) of wine does not = an insomnia cure. Believe it or not, it makes for a very restless night of sleep.
Grad school has turned me into a pill popping-sleep deprived-emotional eating- alcoholic.
……
….
…
Okay, fine. Just a pill-popper. (It’s for stress.) (Swear.)
Daily school work+ exams+ finals+ comps = the need to pop pills. (There for stress.) (Swear.)
School is over in 5 weeks.
Not that I’m counting.
Stress management lesson is over. (Oh, there’s a lesson in there. You just have to be willing to see what it is.)
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5 comments:
Remember to take out your contacts before you put on your glasses?
Actually doing that gives me a splitting headache and makes me terribly grumpy.
Good luck on everything! :)
You're going to kick ass, PG...the end is in sight. A bright light at the end of a tunnel is ahead of you - just keep on movin' forward. :o)
Good thoughts comin' your way!
I think i need some of that stress management stuff. ugh...
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