deal breakers

I got to thinking today about deal breakers and compromises. What would you be willing to give up if you met the man, woman, tranny of your dreams that was all that, then some, and a little bit more?
Those things that make you happy, all those little things that eventually add up to the big things that you like in a person, in your life, in a relationship; what would you be willing to compromise on, give up, in order to keep that man, woman, he/she that is the dog's pajamas, the cat's tuxedo, and the milk bone of your world?

So, let's talk deal breakers.

Me? I can't stand cigarette smoke, mostly because it makes me sick. Pot smoke on the other hand I'm okay with. Oh look, a joint.

I like my alcohol and I can't imagine dating someone who didn't have an occasional drink. Yet, I am strangely amazed when I down a few cocktails and my companion doesn't.

I need someone who is open and honest in all aspects of their life, so someone who said, "I don't want to talk about it," or was always shut down or extremely walled up when questions and conversations are happening, well, it's not going to go well between us.

Sex, please, be open and tell me what you like and want. I will do the same. I like anal sex, I like my ass to played with. Someone who isn't going to want to smack, play with, grab or occassionally fuck me, well, eventually that's going to get old.

Chewing with your mouth open.....

No.

I'm thinking too big.

Let's think smaller.

Unibrows. I will eventually become cross-eyed from looking at it and wonder why the hell your not aware of it. Same with nose hair. And comb-overs. I mean, really, have you not heard the comments and jokes about these things??? Please, tweeze, pluck, plow, shave and generally take care of these things.

Someone who isn't a good kisser.
Kissing is very important to me. Essential, really. Yeah. There is something about two pairs of compatable lips coming together for the soft, hard, passionate, breathing in sync, tongues mingling, not too wet, yet not dry, warm taste of each other mixed together that is so.damn.perfect. (She types as her fingers unconsciously touch her mouth and her fingernails go across her lips....)

Someone who doesn't think birthdays are a big deal.

Someone who doesn't get excited about the small things. The really, really, really small things that make life, life. A beautiful full moon. The way something smells. A great song on the radio. A really good book. How something feels.

Someone who doesn't make me laugh.
Christ. You know where I would be without the ability to laugh? In Happydale Insane Asylum waiting for my nex telectric shock therapy treatment.

Someone who can't or doesn't want to talk on the phone for hours at a time. Sure seeing each other is best, but sometimes, with life being life, that isn't possible.

Someone who doesn't have a nice voice. I realize a person can't really control this one, but if I have to spend the rest of my life listening to a person I want to be able to listen to the words coming out of their mouth without thinking, "shut up! shut up! shut up!"

Someone who doesn't like pets. I prefer dogs to cats, but hey, as long as you like one, were good.

Someone who doesn't say, "bless you" when I sneeze. Remember I sneeze on average five times in a row. I could go at anytime. I need to be blessed.

Someone who complains. All.the.damn.time. Here, here's the pot, piss already.

Someone who doesn't say, "...and you?" That's a biggie. A hugey, actually.

Yeah, it would never work.

Hmm, I seem to have gotten stuck on all the kinda big things, well, those are essential to me that would eventually ware on me and the dog's tuxedo who started out as the milk bone of my world would eventually turn out to be another crumb in the annals of my dating world.

So, what about you? What would your deal breakers be?