Monday, October 29, 2007

the cops, a crush that can't be had, wondering why I am here, wondering why I left, a few bad dates

but not necessarily in that order.

Okay, so I hit a rough patch. It happens. Nothing huge, but all of that small stuff that we're told not to sweat and normally I don't, but then, it kind of all got to me. So here is the quick of it (or the long of it.)

I had two huge tests coming up. I completely bombed one of them. The one that counted the most. I spent more time on the Wednesday night test when I should have spent all the time on the Thursday test. I knew this, but everyone was more worried about the Wednesday, so I listened to them, not to me. We will get the test back tomorrow (only taken two weeks, and conveniently past mid-term and last day to drop.) If I get 20 points out of 100 I will be surprised. I know I bombed it.
This in combination with a few papers, yeah GPA not stealer. This will affect my scholarship and my over-all need to maintain a 3.0, GPA. But no pressure.
Again, it happens.

However, another reason for not getting the study time in was that the day before I had a guy knock on my door. He seemed surprised that I was home/answered. He came up with a convoluted story about living here previously, had a refund check coming, when it arrived could I call him and he will come get it. I said, no, but I will forward it; give me your address.
He did. I thought the whole thing was odd, but let it go.
Two hours later I got a call from the utility company. The same guy had claimed he lived here and wanted his utilities forwarded here; they were making sure this was true.
My friends went with me to buy another lock for my door and a peep hole for the door. The guy friend and I (Mr. IQ) stayed up drinking, talking, and eating pizza well into the morning. He was flirting, I was reminding him that he has a girlfriend..also a friend of mine.
The next day I called the cops about the guy once I had a chance to follow-up with the landlords and such. So, due to...I have no idea what, and much drinking, the study time didn't happen.
Again, it happens and it was my own fault..and not so much my own fault.

This lead into me questioning even more why I am here at grad school studying Public Policy. Thus far I am not learning about what I thought I would be and I'm not really enjoying the classes.

I looked into changing programs. The Communications dept. gave me until Thursday (about three days) to get all of my materials in. I did. So know I'm not sure if I will change programs or not come spring semester.
I spoke with the director of the Public Policy on Friday. We think we have a focus area all planned out for me, but I still need to figure out who teaches them and if they will be willing to make them grad level classes for me come next year if I decide to stay in Public Policy.
So, I am pondering over that.

A couple bad dates. No need to really go into that. They were bad. I left after an hour. No need to waste my time.

It's pretty obvious Mr. IQ is interested in me.
However, once again he is dating another gal in our program and once again, she is my friend.
No dice.
I'm a Party Girl, but I am good Party Girl with a conscious and I would never hurt anyone.
No, I am always the one who ends up hurt in the end.

This is a very quick gloss over of what the last few weeks have been. Basically everyday I question my decision to move up here and go to grad school and whether I am in the right program. I am enjoying grad school (as much as a person can) I love all of my new friends, I love the area, I love the school. Work has gotten better since Homecoming is over. It's more about whether or not I am in the right program and the decision to go to grad school when I did.


Okay, maybe now is the time to confess.
I knew I wanted to go to grad school, I had just forgotten my potential. I knew it was in me, I had just forgotten it was there.
Mr. London reminded me. He reminded me of my potential. (So did everyone I used to work with.) He moved. I couldn't stop thinking about him. The person who leaves always has it better than the person who stays.
...see where this is going?
Obviously I was accepted into school on my own merit, but I didn't want to wait until spring. For one thing, student loans would come due and I would have needed to get a few more jobs to pay for them, but I also didn't want to be in the same place, with the same story, thinking about someone who was no longer here. I needed to move on. Right decisions, but maybe the wrong choice, wrong time. Cause although I still have my own life and a new life, I still think about London more than I care to admit.


Hmm, okay. I said there wouldn't be any more whiney posts. I lied. I'll try to do better next time.
I have many bar stories to share. I'll start sharing those.

Something tells me I'll have another post by tomorrow as Mr. IQ called asking me out for a drink tonight. I declined. He then said he might need a drive home. I told him to call me when he is ready to leave the bar. (He doesn't need to be arrested or kill anyone.)
If nothing else Wednesday will be enjoyable. The four of us (he, me, his girlfriend, and another gal) are going as the Publisher's Clearinghouse Prize Patrol. Oh, yeah. Halloween and a Party Girl are always a good time.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

so, um, well, it's just that, ...yeah

Okay, so I haven't been the best about posting, but I know that none of you are holding that against me because your all not like that and I know you all still love and adore me, because your all just like that.

The thing is, I haven't had anything to say, but I also have a ton to say, but apparently no time to say it...or type it..whatever...and the truth is I've hit a rough patch, but I don't want to talk about...or type it out...whatever...cause it seems that the last few posts have been a bit whiney and I don't like whiney. So I am boycotting whiney. (And Sleepy. And Doc. And Dopey. And Bashful. And...well, you get the point.)
Wait. You mean you didn't get the point? OKay, well, the point is that I am still here, I don't want to leave, so bear with me (or bare with me..your choice) and I will stick my head...or stick a type written here now and again and I'll try to do it more than now than again..or again more than now...whichever...and I am still the PG you love and adore, I've just hit a rough patch and I'm trying to work it out. So bear with me. Cause I'm still here.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

just sayin'

I don't understand, when I look under the cap of my pop bottle and it says, "try again." I mean, duh, obviously I did it right the first time because I was able to take the lid off, so why do I need to try again??

Monday, October 15, 2007

and now, a moment to reflect...

or an update, which ever you prefer.

Okay, I know I've been really bad about writing, posting, and reading. I know this. I apologize. Here is an update on what has been going on with me.

Saturday was our homecoming. We kicked booty. The parade and the event that was pulled off basically by me and all of the organizations I belong to, went well. I'm hoping this will mean that work will become at a minimum at least tolerable. If not, I quit. My job is taking way too much time, energy and effort away from school and most importantly, my happiness.
Last Tuesday and Wednesday my chest hurt so badly I thought I was having a heart joke. Seriously, not worth it. Oh, and the Grad Assist, or as I call her, the Devil's Spawn, (I have crowned my boss, Devil Boss and the other grad assistants call her a "henious bitch") the grad assist I work with was way too condescending to me on Thursday that I went to talk to her about it and she had a complete breakdown in front of me. Said all things not having to do with what I went to talk to her about and screamed and then finally cried. She screamed at me to the point that I had to shut the door. I don't believe in raising my voice or yelling or interrupting others...why, cause I tend to stop listening when people yell at me, thus I feel they do the same. And interrupting is rude and allows for misunderstandings, which is what happened in this case. So while she screamed and cried, I just sat in my chair and calmly tried to talk to her. Again, not worth it.
Bad part is that if I do quit I would lose the nice new sparkly paragraph that has been added to my resume.
poop stain.

Internship: I need to start hitting the application process hard by the end of the month. It will be for the summer of 2008. I am hoping for one that is paid (oh, hilarious I am!)(Not sure where Yoda came from.) and also overseas. Cross all things crossable for me.

Friends: I have met some really great friends and it is amazing how easy those friends are to make when the question is: “Do you want to grab a drink?” Ta dah! World peace. Notify the leaders of the world, I have found the solution. My liver is growing nicely cause if it isn’t me saying that sentence it is one of the three other new most bestest friends who is offering up the alcohol consumption.

I started, what was supposed to be a study group on Thursdays before our night class, but it has turned into a “Let’s grab a bite to eat and have a drink” before class group. Just a note: vodka makes me smarter during class; beer just makes me sleepy during class.

Classes: They are going well. I have two huge tests this week (which I should be studying for, but no, I am blogging. Ah, good use of my time.) I am hoping when I get two papers back this week they will have a big gold star on them or a nice scratch and sniff sticker (really, why don't we get those as adults?) I will be able to breathe easier and hopefully not feel even more overwhelmed.

Apartment: I hate it. (And done.)
Tree is still shade-o-riffic. I will it to die during storms. The tree is still winning.
Black mold: I haven’t looked under the bathroom sink recently, but I like to think I am winning the war. Denial means I win.
I lost 200 sq ft from my last apartment to this apartment. I had no idea what a difference 200 sq ft could make. I now know. Big. It makes a big difference.
The girl down the hall, who was having all of the baby-daddy drama, seems to have shut-up. This may be a direct result of the cops being called. May just be a coincidence, but I don’t think so.

Honestly, I am already a bit tired of school and I am trying to fight it. I really, really want to quit my crap-ass job with the Devil Boss and the grad assistant Spawn, but I am really, really trying to fight it; cause, the resume padding has been amazing. But, where is the line? The line between sanity and the line between "I can see what this will mean and do for my future" become blurred and lost? That's where I am. I'm hoping that I can take the easy way out and my class schedule won't allow for a work schedule next semester. Chicken-shit, you say? Yep.

However, the balance between going out (a lot) and the really great friends I've made has made the above paragraph almost bearable. (Almost.)

Paper count: 5/37 (My plan to hit some of these out was squashed due to my Wednesday and Thursday at work; the chest pain and frustration thus not allowing for any type of mind to keyboard collaboration.)

Presentation count: 2/2

Test count: 1/7

So far I have all A's (I think.)

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

tag, I'm it

ptg, that most beautiful of new moms, tagged me. She tagged me last week. I'm just now getting around to it, sad. She hoped it would spur on some creative juices. I'm not sure it helped, but it did get me to post, so there you go.

1. Post these rules before you give you the facts.
2. List eight (8) random facts about yourself.
3. At the end of your post, choose (tag) someone and list their name (linking to their page).
4. Leave them a comment on their blog letting them know they’ve been tagged

1) I hate parades. Regardless if there are 76 trombones, or not. I don't like to go to them. The last parade I did attend I was 19 and had just had all of my wisdom teeth pulled a few days before so I was kind of hallucinating during it. Still didn't make me enjoy the floats.

2) The fact that I don't like parades is funny because I am in charge of organizing this weekend's homecoming parade and not only that, but I will be walking in it as well. (Yippee!)

3) I also hate clowns. They scare me and sort of freak me out. But, when I was in my teens I dressed up as a clown for my cousin's birthday. (I think she was 3 at the time) and she knew it was me.

4) I've had over 20 jobs. These range from retail, to waitress, to working with disabled children, to bus driver, to day camp counselor, to supervisor on a large college campus.

Many times I've worked at least two jobs at the same time and sometimes three. This past summer I had six. The longest I've ever worked at one place continually was five years. This was at my last place of employment.

5) Since I was a bus driver, I have a CDL drivers license.

6) When the kids stood up on the bus when I was driving I would shout, "Seat to seat and floor to feet!"
I know, I'm cleaver.
The bus was very old and dark blue in color. I literally had to stand up on the brake to make it stop. Hmm, safe.

7) In college, the first time around, I changed my major many, many, many times. However, the one I finally settled on was English. I was going to get my PhD and teach.
I then had a lousy English teacher who gave me a C in her class and I was none to thrilled. I also thought this meant English wasn't for me.
Skip ahead ten or so years and I what was my undergrad in? English. So, there you go.

8) When I was in my teens I thought I was pretty smart.
In my 20's I thought I was wise.
In my 30's I am baffled and stupefied by what I learn, have learned, and will continue to learn on a daily basis. I truly believe I change in some way each and everyday by something that is said, something new I experience, or from a person I encounter. I can't imagine all of the life lessons I still have to discover and how much of life still lays ahead for me to explore. I realize I may know lots, but ultimately I don't know crap.

I'm not going to tag anyone, but feel free to tag yourself and let me know!

Monday, October 01, 2007


..that's what the john said to the prostitute.

...Sometimes I am just so, out-of-my-ass witty.

OKay, don't know that I have much to report, but I felt the need to procrastinate and not read, write, or kill any more trees with research. Ah, gotta love the blog and all things not getting done. What did we do before the Internet? Oh, I know..we worked and talked, and made eye-contact. Also, I read all of yours, but I had nothing creative, witty, or sarcastic to add to the comments. Just know that I was there, I left a non-staining mark, and I love you in my own special non-mark leaving way.

School is going well. Papers are being widdled down. Classes are chugging along. How did it get to be October?

I leave for Budapest in six...maybe seven weeks, not sure how long it is. Too lazy to get up and look at a calendar. I'm excited, but for some reason sad about the trip all at the same time. Not sure why. I haven't had time to read the books or learn the language. Let's hope I have time to do (at least some) reading and learning in the next six...or seven weeks. Trip payment is due this Friday.

I've made some good peeps. I don't know where "peeps" came from, but I've been saying it a lot lately. I apologize in advance. So, I've made some pretty good peeps (again, sorry) It's amazing the kind of friends (ah, much better) I can make by simply saying the phrase, "hey, you guys wanna go for a drink?" Amazing. I wonder how people make friends if they don't drink. Hmm, perplexing and I doubt I will ever find out.

I tested my hyphothesis of vodka makes me smarter, out last Thursday. Greasy bar food with vodka. Hmm, tasty. Three vodka cranberries in 30 minutes, laughs with the friends, walk back to school, rock out by being brilliant in class. Ta dah! Hypothesis becomes theory. Wait. Is that how it goes? Ah, who cares. I was brilliant. See, vodka slows the thinking process down, thus making me think longer before speaking, thus giving everyone else in the class the opportunity to be wrong, and I get to throw my arms up in a, I just scored a touchdown, sort of way when I say the brilliant answer to the perplexing question.

I'm not really dating. Talking to a couple of men, but not really dating any of them.

I'm okay with this.

I also haven't had sex in a really long time.

Again, I'm okay with this.

Yeah. I'm surprised by this too.
I've needed some PG time.
I don't mean time to masturbate.
I just mean some time with my thoughts, feelings, and me.
A sorting out of sorts.

I went to get my nose pierced on Friday.

Didn't have the stud I wanted.

(...and I wasn't even looking for a stud, just a nose ring. Ha!)

...anyway, this was after three years of contemplation about the nose piercing and three and half hours of drinking free beer and dollar domestic bottles. (The drink special knows as, Friday After Class. (Me likey, a lot.) After drinking $6 worth of beer and one glass of free beer I decided I need a hole in my nose.
Again, no stud.
I decided I needed a seventh hole in my ears.
Again, not the hoop I wanted.
So, I just went home.
(so to speak.)

I love Monday night TV. ("How i met your mother" and the new show, "The Big Bang Theory.")

I've gotten into the habit of drinking beer each night before bed.
Thanks, Sam Adams.

One of my neighbors is having serious baby-daddy issues.
This would be on top of her lifetime of issues she seems to be paper-cutting her way through.
She also seems more than happy to share these issues with any and all within earshot.
Oddly enough my completely uncontrollable scream of "shut-up!" went unnoticed.

Everyday I lose and gain the same four.five pounds.
I find this odd.
They may be odd, but I keep finding them (I know, they just keep coming!)
I think it has more to do with my scale.
Wake-up thinner than when I went to bed.
Gain two pounds after breakfast. (really, does an English muffin weigh two-pounds? I'm not putting that much peanut butter and jelly on the nooks and crannies.)
Lose four while at school.
Gain two after a poo. ('Splain that one to me. How do you gain weight by expelling?)
Gain two.five after dinner.
Lose half a pound before bed.
I think my scale is stupid.

Of course it might be the twenty pound book bag I carry during my two mile walk around campus. (I refuse to use a back-pack. I'm 33, no back-pack. So, I will just be the left-sided gimp.)
Or, it could be the combo of beer drinking and.....yep, just the beer drinking.
This is why I have never owned a scale until five weeks ago. As a woman to own a scale is stupid.

My boss is still crazy.
No need to go into it.
She's just nuts.
Nuts and has a short-term memory of which I somehow get blamed for not knowing how to do things, get into things, complete things, or be good at things.
She seems to have learned my name.
Seriously, just watch the movie, (The Devil Wears Prada) that's my Monday-Friday for approximately 20 hours a week. (Not supposed to be more than 16, but whatever.)

Resume will be stealer.

No idea where my level of sarcasm will be.

I'm guessing off the charts.

Oh, wait.

On second thought, maybe the four.five pounds of perpetual weight gain and loss is beer to sarcasm inflow and outflow.

See, blogging is good. It makes me think and come to conclusions.