Tuesday, December 16, 2008

she's in control

...now I've got a lot...

Just an update on the life of a defunct party girl.

I (finally) heard yesterday in regards to BJ and the hearing (only took over two weeks, but whatever) (and I had to do the follow-up of, what the hell is going on). BJ was found guilty.

Yep. Guilty of all charges and claims.

-He is on academic disciplinary probation. Meaning, you fuck-up again, you're out.
-The 'no contact' order has been issued indefinitely. (Thank god)
-He was ordered to write me an apology letter. (I was asked if I wanted one of not, after much thought, I decided I did, but I wanted it to be approved by the Dean first, not just sent to me. I received it today via email. I have not read it and I am not sure if I will.

Frankly, I really do not believe that BJ is sorry. I think BJ is sorry that I took action, that it went as far as it did, and that he alienated himself from the group. However, I do not believe that he sees it that way; I think he believe I alienated him from the group, which I did not. Frankly, I don't think the group wants me around any more than I want to be around them. This is why I am purposely not taking any classes with them next semester.
Also, I will be taking my comprehensive exams alone, not with everyone else, so that I do not have to see BJ.
They are also deciding on whether or not BJ can attend graduation as I have asked that he not be allowed to.

So, today was my big CBA final and today is the last time that I will (hopefully) ever have to see BJ or (really anyone, minus my best gal) again. And thank god for that. Grad school has been a lot of things, but really, few of them have been good.

I still have three paper to finish by Thursday. One, CBA, I received an extension on, the other one, Ethics, is due by Thursday and my research paper, well, hopefully he will give me an RC (research continued) and not throw a big fit, cause it is not going to be finished by Thursday. (As a reminder, this is the prof who rolled his eyes at me.) So.

I think that's it for now.

Oh, and I've met someone. I really like him and we spend on average about 4-5 hours a night on the phone.(he does not live in home state) I'm being vulnerable, open, and honest; it feels pretty awesome.
You know how you don't know what the problem is, or you don't see a problem and then the lights come on and all becomes clear? Well, that's sort of been me this semester, the lights are on, it was painful getting to this point (very painful) and a difficult journey (quite ugly, actually) which is far from complete, but I can see where I was and where I am, and it's pretty damn huge. But it also feels pretty damn great.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Completely sorry for being MIA

Well, maybe not completely sorry. I have been diligently typing away at my pile and lists of "to do" (alas, there is no "honey" attached to it) before the end of the semester strikes.

Since I received extensions on two of my deadlines, this has only added to the pile. Relieved the stress (temporarily) but, still, the papers and their deadlines are on the list.

Today I managed to finish two more papers and start two others. This in despite of really, really, really (no, really) wanting to stay in a horizontal position on my big, ugly, comfy couch.
But, no, I was strong (or the stress and panic attack kicked my butt into gear) and I sweated it out at the keyboard for a few hours. However, that was all the more I was able to do. I think I have caught a bug. Not a bed bug or a love bug, but the
-am I going to throw-up?- bug. Thus, the creativity needed to write and not to plagiarize and be thrown out of school was in short supply by the time I reached papers 3 and 4.

Next week is my last week of classes, the following is finals week. As horrible (horrible, terribly, no good) as this semester has been, gee-golly-gosh has it flown on by.

And speaking of asshole, BJ received his "no contact" order over break, his hearing was on Wednesday, I have not heard anything to know what has/has not been done or agreed upon.
....only one week left....

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

some ponderings

Some thoughts:

Have you ever wondered just how cold fuck is?
As in the sentence: "It's cold as fuck out there"
This can also be seen in the phrasing, "It's hot as fuck out there."

Now, I've had some hot fucking, so maybe that's what it means, but cold as fuck? I've had some bad fucks, but I don't believe I have ever had any cold fucks. Dated a few, but that's another story.

If beer, mead, wine, alcohol, were the basic liquids to quench a thirst for most of time, then how did people get anything done? I bet they were tired, sleepy you might say, and drunk. Drunk just about all the time; just about everyday I would venture to guess. So, why can't we drink while at work, school? I would be much more productive and happy. Well, maybe not productive. I would probably have more pee breaks.

Fetal alcohol syndrome. It's bad. It's been shown that women should not drink while pregnant, if they do, there may be consequences. But what about my previous pondering. Women drank all the time, so in theory there were a lot of people (fetuses) who had fetal alcohol syndrome throughout time....so....were there just a lot of special needs person walking around and no one noticed?

Because we are all different, this causes conflict. Annoyances. I want to smack a lot of people upside their head. So, if we were all the same, would we get along better, or would that just cause more conflict? Typically those who I am closest to in personality, I want to smack the hardest in the head.

...that's all for now.

*This post is a result of being woken-up at 6 a.m. this morning and trying (unsuccessfully) to fall back to sleep.

**The result of the disturbance was due to my neighbor turning on the shower, the pipes rattling to the point of it sounding like a machine gun and my heart beating like machine gun blasts in my chest. Good morning.