Tuesday, March 31, 2009

lessons in stress management

Comps are on Thursday and Friday. All positive energy and thoughts being sent my way are appreciated. Two days of testing, nine subjects, 10 questions; no idea what those questions are/will be. Eck! (Every moment I am awake, there has been a book, note, computer, pen in my hand, face, mind.)

Stress level, too high to count.
Here is my state of (mind) life from last week:

Tuesdays are my incredibly long day. I’m in class from 11:00-8:00 and by the time I leave class I am cross-eyed exhausted and famished. So, I sprint across campus to buy my late night dinner, boogie on home, change my clothes, wash my face, take-out my contacts, clean my glasses, put on my glasses and inhale my dinner where chewing may or may not be involved (definitely will not be involved.)

Last week was no different. The only difference was when I put on my glasses. Glasses on and my world is a blurry-eyed mass of colors and indistinguishable figures. In 1.5 seconds there is a rush of thoughts and emotions: “I am going blind. The stress of grad school has stolen my eye-sight. Awesome. I don’t have insurance, how am I going to pay to get my eyesight back? My glasses are broken! In the five minutes it took me to wash my face I lost my eyesight. My prescription changed, holy hell, I’ve gone blind. I’m going to fail grad school because I cannot see to take my exams, or read, or write. Perhaps I will be able to fulfill my dream to play the piano.” What in god’s name is going on with my brain-eye connection?

I take off my glasses to see what has gone wrong with my vision.
Wait. I can still see.
It’s a miracle! I’m cured!

It’s either a miracle or, my contacts are still in.

Contacts + glasses = a blurry world of colors and figures. My dream of becoming a piano player is over.

So, I inhale my dinner and decide that I should study.

But then I think perhaps studying for my comprehensive exams can wait. After all, I did just temporarily lose my eyesight.
I compromise.
Instead I open (and drink) a large glass (also known as a bottle) of wine, take a Xanax, and watch Jim Gaffigan on Comedy Central.
Believe it or not, Xanax + a large glass (bottle) of wine does not = an insomnia cure. Believe it or not, it makes for a very restless night of sleep.

Grad school has turned me into a pill popping-sleep deprived-emotional eating- alcoholic.

Okay, fine. Just a pill-popper. (It’s for stress.) (Swear.)

Daily school work+ exams+ finals+ comps = the need to pop pills. (There for stress.) (Swear.)

School is over in 5 weeks.

Not that I’m counting.

Stress management lesson is over. (Oh, there’s a lesson in there. You just have to be willing to see what it is.)

Monday, March 23, 2009


Spring break is over and I am more exhausted than I was when it started.

Pages written and typed-up: over 50.
Pages read and written about: close to 200.
Hours spent studying for comps: Not nearly enough.
Days until comps: 9.
Hours, minutes, days spent drinking: zero.

Hmmm, I think I just found my problem.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

whoo-hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's spring break!

Yippee, fucking, Skippy!

As it is Thursday, and what I hope becomes a Thursday tradition, I am once again, tipsy. Tipsy, not drunk. Here's why college towns rock: double vodka cranberry, a shot of Jager, and an appetizer; my total: $5.34, with tip: $7.34. Awesomeness.

Anywho. So, after studying my ass off, over 20 hours since Monday, to study for my Public Finance exam today, I had no idea how to answer the first question. The question which was worth 25 points, or, what is a quarter of my grade. So, I did the only thing I know how to do: ramble about everything else that had to do with financing and problems with it. Throw a dart and I'm sure I hit shit-pie somewhere. Otherwise, I think I aced the test...well, aced as best that an be aced on a Public Finance exam. Please-oh-please let me get at least a B on the exam.

So, what will I be doing during spring break? Well, buckle-up Cowboy, it's pretty freakin riveting: I have three papers, one take-home test, and a presentation all due on Tuesday 24..or, what is my first day back to school after spring break. Yay. So, I have to do all of that, plus, study for comps in the next week. Should be awesome.

Comps are April 2nd and 3rd. Two days of 16 hours worth of brain dump.
This semester is kicking my ass, but somehow it is flying by. Flying, zip, zoom, boom, flash.

Time to start the take-home exam.

Oh, and it is inner dork Thursday, here's a quickie: Lysol was originally marketed as a douche for contraceptive purposes.
All I have to say is, fucking-a ouch.

Thursday, March 05, 2009


Right now, I am borderline drunk.

In another 30 inutes (or so) I will be drunk. (I'mleaving the typos for effect)

I went out with the first years. Best time I've jad in a very, very long time/

Three long island iced teas, one fuck-up drink that the waitress gave to me, and a margarita...all in an hour and fifteen minutes. (wow. fifteen is hard to spell out)

Good times, good laughts, good hot flashes of alcohol, and brain freeze.)

I needed tonight. Boy fif I need tonight. (i'm leaving that typo, too)

It's been hectic and stressful semester. More on that later. I like the first years. I hate the econd years (a.k.a. my classmates)

I'm outtie. Hope your Thursday was wonderful and spectacular.

Monday, March 02, 2009

morning promises, afternoon resolutions

Being a 34 year-old (almost 35, eck!) grad student, I’ve decided I should live a healthier life. I wake-up all bushy-eyed and wide-tailed (no, wait, that’s not right.) (Or, maybe it is.) and I decide I should live a healthier life. I think I will eat only fruit and give my body a cleanse. Yes! What a wonderful positive step in the right direction.

I down my morning fruit smoothie and think, this is great! For lunch I’ll have a V-8 and a veggie blend of juice and it will be delicious and my body will thank me. I will be all glowy and my body will say, “thank you.”
Go me! I. am. awesome.

Then ‘round 2-ish I decide a hot dog sounds delicious.

Cleanse, over.

The hot dog goes against my new vegetarian mentality, but I’m sure this too shall pass. I have given up the cow, the pig, the fish, and the chicken. I, apparently, cannot give up the mystery meat. The mystery meat is delicious and my nemesis. (fist goes in the air, “foiled again!”)