Tuesday, December 16, 2008

she's in control

...now I've got a lot...

Just an update on the life of a defunct party girl.

I (finally) heard yesterday in regards to BJ and the hearing (only took over two weeks, but whatever) (and I had to do the follow-up of, what the hell is going on). BJ was found guilty.

Yep. Guilty of all charges and claims.

-He is on academic disciplinary probation. Meaning, you fuck-up again, you're out.
-The 'no contact' order has been issued indefinitely. (Thank god)
-He was ordered to write me an apology letter. (I was asked if I wanted one of not, after much thought, I decided I did, but I wanted it to be approved by the Dean first, not just sent to me. I received it today via email. I have not read it and I am not sure if I will.

Frankly, I really do not believe that BJ is sorry. I think BJ is sorry that I took action, that it went as far as it did, and that he alienated himself from the group. However, I do not believe that he sees it that way; I think he believe I alienated him from the group, which I did not. Frankly, I don't think the group wants me around any more than I want to be around them. This is why I am purposely not taking any classes with them next semester.
Also, I will be taking my comprehensive exams alone, not with everyone else, so that I do not have to see BJ.
They are also deciding on whether or not BJ can attend graduation as I have asked that he not be allowed to.

So, today was my big CBA final and today is the last time that I will (hopefully) ever have to see BJ or (really anyone, minus my best gal) again. And thank god for that. Grad school has been a lot of things, but really, few of them have been good.

I still have three paper to finish by Thursday. One, CBA, I received an extension on, the other one, Ethics, is due by Thursday and my research paper, well, hopefully he will give me an RC (research continued) and not throw a big fit, cause it is not going to be finished by Thursday. (As a reminder, this is the prof who rolled his eyes at me.) So.

I think that's it for now.

Oh, and I've met someone. I really like him and we spend on average about 4-5 hours a night on the phone.(he does not live in home state) I'm being vulnerable, open, and honest; it feels pretty awesome.
You know how you don't know what the problem is, or you don't see a problem and then the lights come on and all becomes clear? Well, that's sort of been me this semester, the lights are on, it was painful getting to this point (very painful) and a difficult journey (quite ugly, actually) which is far from complete, but I can see where I was and where I am, and it's pretty damn huge. But it also feels pretty damn great.


ptg said...

You are awesome. You are strong and self-sufficient and an amazing person.

Go you. :o)

And as for the letter...file it away somewhere. There is no reason to read it now. Maybe one day, far int he future, but not now. It does nothing, erases nothing, changes nothing.

megan colleen said...

It's nice to see that BJ is getting punished for his crime. And it's good that you are opening up to another. That is very hard.

Congrats in everything!


Party Girl said...

ptg: Thank you, Doll.

I feel pretty awesome (and very tired. Oy, I hate the exhaustion that follows a semester.)

I agree with you on the letter. I have no plans to read it. It will stay in my email in box and I will mark it as "read" so it does not keep popping up as a constant reminder.

Progress is good. Going through the process is very hard, but the end result is very, very gratifying.

Megan: Thank you. I really like this man. It's been several years since I've really liked anyone. It's been over a decade since I've let myself be open with someone. And if I'm really honest, it's been a lifetime; I've never, never, been this open and honest with a male. Never. It feels scary, and great, and great, magical, unbelievable, and wonderful.

Joke said...

As re. the whole honest/open thing: You'll never know if you can fly until you leap off without a harness or net.



Jay said...

I'm glad to see that everything is falling into place for you. I wish you luck on your exams this week and I hope the boy you met is a keeper. I got positive remarks for my philosophy paper and final on Monday and I just got the results for the psychology final I took yesterday. I needed a 50 out of 60 to maintain an A in that class.

I got a 60 out of 60.

You and I are peas in a pod, darling.

We both rock! ;-)

PorkStar said...

I've been reading your blog for years... and i'm glad to hear about those nice things coming together for ya

Mike said...

huh... what a waste of time

GirlGoyle said...

Looks like your year has started out quite positively! Good! It's about time the stars turn in your favor!