Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I dust myself off, pick myself up, and get on with life

First, thanks to all. You all are the most bestest!
Second, being a 32 year-old Party Girl, well I don't dilly or dally and I don't waddle for very long. I pick myself up, dust off, and get on with life, cause it's short. Very, very short.
Last week I discovered that I tend to cycle through the stages of grief very quickly. What are there, 7 or 9 stages? Yeah, I went through all of them in a matter of two hours on Monday and Thursday in terms of the thesis. (Fucktard, mentor.) It took me a little longer in terms of Mr. London, but hey, I'm allowed.

I cried all day...all-day... on Friday. Ah, cathartic. Saturday I hit the shopping with The Mom and well, it was good to get out of the house. Saturday night I hit the bottle of wine. (I only had half a bottle. I think that deserves a prize.) Sunday I painted a large canvas, which felt so awesome. I haven't had the time to do anything creative since the summer. Yesterday, I was sort of blah, but I went to see, "In the Pursuit of Happyness." Very good. I recommened it. (Popcorn was dee-lish.) Then I hit the workout, and I painted some more. Ahhhhhh.

Some thoughts:
First, (I'm all about my points today.) Perhaps he didn't ask me to go to London with him for a few reasons:
He knows I have my own life here. He knows I'm waiting to here about my job and I'm going to be applying to grad schools within the next year. Perhaps he thinks it would be selfish of him to ask me to pick-up and leave; to uproot my whole life just for him. It's actually pretty considerate.
Second: We haven't known each other that long.
Third: He is going to be major swamped between now and April. How much time is he going to devote to me? If he asked me to go with him and then we can only see each other once a week or something, how fair is that to either of us? And then on top of it he has asked me to move half-way around the world, but can't see me here?
Fourth: who the hell knows what will happen between now and April. If my past and present is any indication, my life is just complete random randomness. I try to live a good life. I truly believe in karma. I try to live on the good side of karma. Who knows what will happen tomorrow let alone in four months.

I do know I plan to keep him in my life because yes, that's just how I roll.

I also think perhaps the reason I met him was because I always, always fall for the wrong man. Always. The one who makes all the promises, but has no follow-through. The one who says all the things I want to hear, butdoesn't mean any of them. Just a day of rememberance, some highlights this year there has been: Out-of-Towner, The Dick (the guy who was married, but failed to inform me of that.) The guy who smoked pot everyday. The guy who talked horribly about his ex-wife. And on and on and on.... So, maybe he is just to prove to me that I can fall for a good man.

Perhaps I don't need to over think it and just enjoy it and see where life takes me. I truly plan to enjoy the ride.

Another update: Over the weekend, out of nowhere, two guys who I meet previously, but it didn't go any where because my schedule sucked big hairy donkey balls, well, they emailed me over the weekend. They just wanted to say, hello and to see what I've been up to, and would I like to get together some time.
I'm not saying I'm moving on. I'm not saying, Mr. London is out of my heart. I'm simply saying, life is funny and you never know what's going to be around the corner. I'm looking forward to see what awaits.


Phollower said...

Glad to see you're jumping right back on the proverbial horse. I didn't mean that to be as dirty sounding as it turned out but you know what I mean. As if you'd be offended by anything dirty...

Pyrhonik said...

It's nice to see Karma throw you a friggin bone! And I think you're choice to keep Mr. London in your life is a good choice. Even if it turns into just a nice friendship that reminds you of the possibility of goodness. Thanks for the explanation.


Jay said...

Bravo, lady!

GirlGoyle said...

And we will all be here waiting to see what is behind those corners as well, with bated breath! It's good to see you back to being up-beat about life, hot stuff! Happy Holidays!!!

Party Girl said...

Ph: OH, You DO know me, don't you?!?!?!!?

Py: Yeah, Karma can be a real bitch. I don't know how I piss her off sometimes, but boy-howdy. She ain't pretty when she's mad.

Jay: Thanks, honey. Thanks for your texts, also. Always appreciated.

GG: Thanks, honey. Today was a bit ugly and snarly. I wasn't in the mood to see a romantic-comedy, so I went and saw blood and guts instead. yeah, this would have been me in the romantic movie, "love, blech! Romance, blech! Laughter, blech! Blech, vomit, blech!....so, blood and guts it was.

I'm back to happy, now.

puerileuwaite said...

Now THERE'S the Party Girl that I:

1) Know;

2) Adore.

puerileuwaite said...

Oh, and

3) Lust for.

Party Girl said...

P: ah, thanks honey. You are way too kind.

...okay, you can keep bring it on. I won't stop you. I will love and adore and be lusted after if I must.

AeroAangel said...

something will come your way eventually...i know it. somebody who will appreciate all the sides of you and not just some of them, somebody who will actually understand you through and through...karma baby! it's like that b/c it does eventually come back around. i know it is very difficult to be patient though.