Friday, December 29, 2006

Goodbye, 2006. Hello, 2007

First, how the hell did that happen? How did it get to be the end of the year? Oy. I'm telling you, the older I get the faster it goes. People in their 90's must just feel like they blink, and boom! Another year gone.

I'm a big believer in resolutions. Not the hokey kind that none of us ever have the intension of keeping, but the real kind that will make me a better person. Truly a better person. A better person, friend, daughter, sister, lover, girlfriend. This year I plan to work on being fearless. On living a fearless life. A wise man once said, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself." Sure he wasn't the first person to say it and he had oh, a few nations and several thousand troops standing behind him, but still. I get the meaning. Fear. What would we all accomplish and do if it wasn't such a big part of our lives? Would we have the courage to pursue our hopes and dreams, pursue a new career, the career we really want to pursue? Would we have the courage to say what we want to say to whomever and not worry about their response because, damn, it felt so good to be honest to them, honest to ourselves and how we felt no matter if it is god or bad, just fearless honesty.
Honesty isn't really something I have a problem with, but tact also needs to come into play sometimes, and well, I may be doing away with some of that. I mean, how many of us have been on a date and really wanted to end it hours before we actually did, because it was the polite thing to do? Or, when they asked us if we wouldn't mind going out again, we said, "sure" when we didn't mean that at all, it was just a knee-jerk response. I'll be honest, one of the most refreshing dating moments I've had recently was when I told the guy who was bad-mouthing his ex-wife, that I found it "incredibly unattractive and he was more bitter and cynical than he was giving himself credit for." God that felt great. Or simply been in the company of someone else, co-worker, stranger, and they are just being an idiot about what they're saying. We choose to ignore them and their statements instead of telling them to can it because we don't want to cause trouble, when really they are the ones being the ass.

Tuesday and Wednesday night I had two different dates. Nice enough men, both have asked me out for a second date and I would be glad to go out with either of them again. But, I'm not excited to go out with either of them again. The reason, because the person I wanted each of them to be was, Mr. London. When there was an awkward pause in the conversation, when there was an uncomfortable silence, when I was pulling teeth to try and get another topic on the table, and well simply in general I wanted to be sitting across from him, not them. Therefore, to be fair I need to tell Mr. London how I feel. It isn't fair to me not to.

Since before I was 18 I've wanted to move. I turned down chances to attend college in Atlanta and New York just to name two. Then it was because of family. Now, I keep telling myself it is because of work, honestly it's because of fear. I'm not afraid of finding a job, or a place to live, navigating my way around, but of being able to make friends. A good solid network of friends. Think of how many people you actually go out with, talk to, hang-out with, or who knows you and who you really are. What, maybe one or two out of how many? Think how long you've known that person and how long it took to get to that point. All of mine are right here and I've known Billy my whole adult life and Nick for a couple years. However, if something happens with my job and the proposal falls through, as I still haven't heard and won't for a few more months, then this gal is going to look for a job anywhere and everywhere and I'm going to see where this thing called, life takes me.

Those are just a few fears I hope to conquer this year. Mostly, I just want to learn how to live a fearless life and not have fear be anywhere on the radar. Not on the radar when it comes to seemingly simple everyday things and also when it comes to the bigger not so seemingly simple everyday things.

How about you?

..... and very happy 2007! Be careful out there on amateur night!!

4 comments:

puerileuwaite said...

I'm all for you being a better lover in 2007. Allow me to demonstrate using a simple pie chart. Damn. Now I'm all for me being a better generator of pie charts in 2007.

Okay, I'll have to wing it via text-only.

+++

Lover Assessment:

Party Girl in 2006 = No Grade (Failed to attend workshop and participate in lab assignments)

Party Girl in 2007 = ???

+++

I know that I am NOT "Mr. London". But if it will help, I'm willing to wear a Beatle Wig and sing "It Won't Be Long*" in order to get you "in a randy mood" (* and also to set realistic expectations).

Just let me know, love. Meanwhile I'll be sitting here enjoying my afternoon tea and strumpets, er, crumpets.

Egan said...

I love the fearless resolution in 2007. It grips so many of us because the unknown can be scary.

I think there's nothing wrong that can come with a change of scenery. It would be fun to move to a new city and get a fresh look on life.

Good luck in 2007.

AeroAangel said...

when you're friendly and outgoing, it's a lot easier to make friends than you might think...don't be afraid of that...you have a wonderful personality and other will see that too. don't be afraid to move for that factor...and the friends you have now will still always be your friends if they are true friends...go. explore. live.

Party Girl said...

P: Yeah, the, 'how to be a better lover classes' were too much. I couldn't stand all the judgment from the other participants. Ugh. Don't even get me started. When they said, "share" I thought they were being literal. Oh, well. Lesson learned.

Egan: I think 2007 is going to be an interesting one. Yep.


Areo: Ah, thanks. Friends aren't hard to make. Lasting friendships with those you actually want to share and be with are a different story.