Friday, April 13, 2007

the hardest thing to be in the world

...seems to be a friend. Not in terms of me being a friend to someone, but in terms of someone being a friend to me. Trust is the hardest thing for me to do, yet I seem to continue to trust the wrong people. Over and over again I find this to be true.
I was recently betrayed by a girlfriend who I was very close with. She had become my “go to” person when I needed a shoulder, but easily so because we work together. I misjudge my trust.
Literally weeks ago I had confided in her why I have the issues I have with people and in terms of my relationships and why Mr. London has meant so much to me. Literally days later she betrayed that confidence and my feelings towards Mr. London.
As all things seem to be lately it is a very convoluted story, but the short of it is that she “found” all of his belongings on craigslist and then went to his apartment to buy some things.
She went over to his apartment that I know of, more than five times…to buy stuff.
She met his parents.
Something I hadn’t even had the chance to do. I was upset by this for obvious reasons, but specifically because I had told myself that if I ever met his parents I would thank them for raising such a good man. Obviously, I won’t, nor did I, have the chance to do that.
When I found all of this out, from him in a very excited way, because Gosh! What a small world and how random that a friend of mine would find and buy all of his material goods! I confronted her and told her in a very ballistic and then in a very calm and rational way how I felt about the whole situation. I wasn’t comfortable with it. I didn’t like it. I felt as if she was lying and hiding things from me, which only makes me believe more is going on. I firmly, plainly, told her to: not to email him, not to call him, not to buy anything else, not to contact him in any way. I told her this several times within the context of one phone call and then several times within the next several days.

Oh look. Foreshadowing.

Not only did she do all of the above, she also kept it from me again.
Hello. He is going to tell me.

Essentially she has become the other woman.
As a result I feel no differently toward Mr. London at this point than I do toward any other man I’ve been involved with. She has turned what I felt toward him into nothing. And I hate her for that.
I cannot believe the betrayal.
I would never treat someone who is supposed to be my friend in this way.
I would never treat anyone this way.
I feel it was all deliberate and I feel she did exactly what I told her not to do simply because I told her not to.
What kind of friend does that?
One that is no longer mine.
The sad thing is we work together.
The good thing is I think she will be quitting soon due to a reprimand she received last week.
The sad thing is Chris leaves this weekend….and I don’t care.
That…that is heartbreaking.


Laurie said...

That really sucks. I am really sorry you had to go through that.

It is hard to be a friend sometimes. Just be the best one YOU can.

ptg said...

wow. what a horrible thing to do to someone....just don't let yourself regret not saying goodbye to London, even if you don't think you want to now. Don't let her take that right away from you.

Vagina Terrorist said...

Ah women... so par for the course. Always working against one another. A true woman's friendship is almost a big of a joke as the feminist movement.

If Chris goes away this weekend, can I come over?

Vagina Terrorist said...

oh, and by the way, this blog was a lot cooler when you were taking off your clothes.

Love you,

Bre said...

Oh sweetheart!

I am so sorry that you have to deal with that miserableness. I've been in an awful spot like that before and I wouldn't wish it on anyone, especially you!

Party Girl said...

Laurie: yes, yes it does. I always try to be the best one I can be.

ptg: Thank you so much for those words. You have no idea how much they hit home for me. Truly. As soon as I read them I realized you were right and I had to get over myself. I immediatly called him and told him good-bye.
I will see him tonight. He leaves tomorrow.
...More to come.

VT: This is why I have mostly men for friends. Friendships tend to be a lot more honest.
Sorry about the lack of nakedness. You'll just have to deal.

Bre: Thanks, love. I am trying to push her out of my mind and focus on him and my future. It would be much easier to not focus on her if she didn't work here, but so it goes.

Karl said...

Geez, sorry you had to go through that. That's not a friend. That's a bitch with a capital "C."

limpy99 said...

Sometimes friendships are solidified after one friend punches the other really hard in the face.

I'm just saying.

GirlGoyle said...

What an asshole she was for taking all this away from you. Why do people have to invade other's privacy and lives to the point of taking them over? Go get your own life! People suck.

Michi said...

what a B*tch! I would be heartbroken over the friendship. Women should stick with one another, not compete with each other! That's sick.