Thursday, October 23, 2008

baby steps as big steps and big steps as baby steps

Holy smoke! Two posts in one week, whoa, the insanity!

Okay, so I took the CBA exam. I felt really good about page one. Kicking ass and taking names on page one of the exam.

Then page two came.

It kicked my ass, tore off my head, and spit down my neck and told me I was its bitch.


Page two sucked.

We shall see.

However, on another note:

I just had the most mature break-up in the history of PG break-ups and I was open and honest about what I wanted and how I felt. I know! I'm excited for me too.

Oh, you didn't know I was seeing anyone. Yeah, I know. That's cause I really liked this man and I didn't want to jinx it, so mum on the blog. BUT, I saved him in my phone immediately, shared him with family and friends and was open and honest about the subjects we talked about. (He is also my best gal's cousin, so he came with recommendations.) And I know those things don't seem like big deals, but they are to me. Those things are HUGE to me.

However, he is in home city and I am not. So, long distance, blechy. Plus, I don't have any money, so I cannot go to home city very often. But really, that wasn't the issue. The issue was timing. That horrible awful thing about life that we cannot help or control. You know, because life gets in the way of life and such things like dating.
He is a CPA and went into partnership with some other men last year; however, he and his partner are now leaving the firm and it has not been as simple as it should be. There may or may not be a lawsuit with the other partners. So, he has no cash flow, lots of stress, and lots and lots of stress. This does not leave a lot of time for say, me. First girl he has liked in a really, really long time. And the first girl he has felt this comfortable around, ever. (His words, but I had to share.)

So I asked what he wanted. He told me. (He would like to keep seeing me, but knows it is not possible right now.)

I told him what I wanted. (That I would like to keep seeing him, but I want him to want to see me and have time for me, not to feel like I'm an obligation and someone he has to fit in.)

It was sad calmly, rationally, and he is going to see where he is in a few months. If things are better, he will get back in touch. I left the door open that any time he wants to chat, to feel free and that a few months is a long time and there can be doubt and concern about calling someone after that amount of time, I told him not to worry, to feel free to call me.

Very mature. very big for me. I know I should be sad, but I am so proud of myself I can't stop smiling. (And yes sad. I liked him. I'm tired of this thing called dating. Enough with the interviews with cocktails, let me land the job already.)

Big steps at a baby step size at a time.

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