Monday, February 02, 2009

a moment to vent

Okay, so, we got our comp exam schedule (March 30 and 31, eck!) and, in doing my part, I followed-up with my "advisor" to remind him that I need to take my exams alone, per the no contact order.

His response?

That I would be taking the exam in another room on the third floor, and my fellow classmates would be taking the exam in a room on the third floor as well, but he felt comfortable that I would not come into contact with BJ.

Um, are you fucking kidding me?

So, instead of doing the email back and forth thing, I just called him to get an explanation. Classmates will be on the third floor and the room they want to put me in should (keyword) be moved to the basement (of the same building) come exam day. Again, he felt sure that I would not come into contact with my fellow classmates. He, of course, could not guarantee this, but he felt sure.

I did not. I explained this. It was clear I was not getting anywhere. So. I very eloquent email off to the crisis counselor, who shared my thoughts and feelings. Let's see where this goes.

I am so fucking tired and frustrated. The very fact that I had to follow-up. I was afraid of this kind of "accommodation" from the very beginning. The fact that my "advisor" talked to me as if I was a problem and being unreasonable. The fact that I am still dealing with and talking about it.


I am SO tired of this school, of this town, of the people, of the program, of this place. I am doing my best to make the most out of my last months, but truly, the bad, horrible, no good days have SO, SO, SO outweighed the good, that really, has it been worth it? Did I make the biggest mistake of my life by quitting my job and coming here? Who knows and time will tell, but truly, this is another stupid and frustrating situation that simply did not need to happen, which has been the theme of this journey called grad school.

Vent, over.


PorkStar said...

just one last push and it'll all be over.... good luck

Jay said...

Keep moving forward, pretty lady. You've come too far to give up now.

Party Girl said...

P.S. Yeo, almost there. And, thanks.

Jay: I know, and, I know. Just, gosh, I'm tired.
I also know that if I run from this, that that will be continuing the wrong pattern. That by finishing this, that will be starting a new pattern and one I am ready for.

"This" would be my degree and the fight over what is right regarding what was promised to me and BJ.

Also, something I found out yesterday, a fellow classmate was working the front desk when I called, she transfered my call to my "advisor" therefore, she knew it was me that was calling and she told me that she overheard my phone call.


Yes, this was sent to the crisis counselor as well.

So, tired of the stupidity and insensitivity.