Tuesday, September 19, 2006

flesh

When a relationship ends it is the flesh that I miss. I miss the flesh of the other person. Being held, spooned, our body parts all entwined, listening to the other person sleep and feeling their body relax and then coming to the realization that my body has relaxed within theirs.

Being comfortable with him sleeping on my side of my bed, and not caring.
Not getting the neck support from my pillow because I’d rather lay my head in the crook of his arm and let his arm cradle my head.
Having my hair swept above the pillow only to find it under his arm and the only way for me to know this, is when I go to roll over and I am suddenly awoken by a strong tug on my head by the inability to turn as a result of the hair being locked under him.
Hitting the snooze button at 6:03 a.m. but not getting the nine minutes of much needed sleep, but instead that lovely sleepy sexy first thing in the morning quickie that puts the spring in my step and the swing in my pony-tail the way no cup of coffee can.

Flesh.

What I crave, what I long for, yearn for, miss the most and I have waves of regret and a flood of questions come over me when a relationship ends. Curling up to his, my, pillow and searching for a sign of him.

Flesh.

Changing the sheets from the last time he was over and knowing it will be the last time, the last sign, of him, the last piece of evidence that he and I ever spent time together, hours, months, nights together, yearning for flesh.
Being held, spooned, touched, comforted in a way that only a person who has held me would know and understand. To feel my body relax within their arms, to hold my head in the crook of his arm, to look at me first thing in the morning with the sun streaming into the windows my eyes still closed and feeling his breath on my neck, his lips on my collarbone.
That’s what I miss when a relationship ends, flesh.

8 comments:

HST said...

although I know it's sick, I understand about the sheets....I still can't bring myself to change them.

TrappedInColorado said...

Well, expressed and very true. Nice post. Ahhhh.. the middle of the night sex when you are half awake is as good as the sleepy waking up sex in the morning you described.

Nice post, PG. Dare I say... very intimate of you? ;)

I absolutely LOVE it when a woman lays her head in the crook of my arm and falls asleep. Total trust, giving and intimacy.

puerileuwaite said...

Flesh can be overrated, especially if there's an overabundance of it. That is when I know it's time to leave.

Listening to a partner as she sleeps can be tedious, but I must confess that her breathing IS calmly reassuring, as it means I won't have extra work in the morning.

I agree with you on the topic of sheets. I never change mine, since they serve as a travelogue of places that I've been, and the people that I've met.

Thank you for the vivid post. It took me back to those experiences that I remember.

Egan said...

Very very true. This is one of the many good things about marriage, the flesh. I know what you mean though.

I heard some comedian say something like... guys think a towel is clean as long as it's dry. I feel the same way about sheets too.

Party Girl said...

HST: Hey, it's a healing process. It only becomes sick if it becomes a lifestyle.

You'll change your sheets when you're ready.

Trapped: Yeah, the middle of the night sex is awesome.

Sex is awesome.

The, time for bed, shut off the lights, get in your postion of a spoon and hold each other. All night in comfortable uncomfortableness.

It wonderfully addicting. It's hard to lt go when it's gone. I try to not let myself yearn for it.

P: It took me some places as well. Nice places.

yeah, it is always nice when they are still alive in the morning. Although, I must confess. There are many times when I am long gone before the sun is up therefore, I can only assume they were still alive when I left.

Egan: I would imagine that is one benefit of marriage; there is always somewhere there beside you.

Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

I'm still not sure what it is you miss most. Meat?

Party Girl said...

Hawt meat: Yep, meat. That'd do righ nicely just about now. Some hawt meat.

Jay said...

Hawt meat, eh?

You have my number. :)