Wednesday, September 06, 2006

what I'm looking for

A fellow blogger asked a series of questions about love and such. As I was answering I got to thinking.
Here are my answer to his questions about love and feelings and such.

Where: South Pacific, in a hut in the ocean. You know, one of those huts that's actually in the ocean? And it's always nice in the south pacific, so it's warm, but not unbearable.

We are naked. Both physically and emotionally, naked.

We are both in bed on clean white cotton sheets and we share everything that needs to be shared and that we want to share. It's completely open between us and there are no walls, no boundaries, no strings between us; it is completely open and honest between us.

The music is our words and conversation and the sounds are the ocean and the love and lust of our passion and love.

The smells are the ocean and our bodies, the sweet, sweet lovely smell of sweat, love, lust, and passion.

Food? It's not even a thought until we are starved.

Do I fall in love easily? Ah, no.
Lust? Crushes? Passion? Flirt? Oh, yeah.
I have a new crush almost everyday. I have a new flirt every hour.

Life is too much fun. Life is too short. Life is a verb. We should all have flirts, crushes and passions. We should all have the freedom to fall in love easily. Sadly, we have too many bad memories of past loves gone bad, past crushes crushing us.....

As I got to the last part about crushes crushing us I wondered, how and when did we become jaded? I mean, let's face it, we are a jaded crowd. Cynical too. Not saying there is anything wrong with it, just sayin'.
Did it happen in junior high with the cruelty of classmates? Did it happen because of our parent's failed marriage(s)? Did it happen because we were willing to go out on a limb only to have it sawed off while we were out on the end? Was it because we were cheated on, or were the cheater, one too many times? And really, how many times are too many or too few before we stop trusting when our partner sought sex and it wasn't with us?
I don't know. Maybe asking a question like, when did we become jaded is like asking, when did you fall in love with someone? I mean do we ever know when we fall in love with someone? Do we ever know the moment we fall out of love with someone, when the relationship is over, when we are ready to call it quits, when the relationship should and must end. The moment when we know it and then actually follow through with it.

I don't know. I do know what I'm looking for. Sure, of course, I have a laundry list of qualities and attributes I want my man to have, of course. I'll get to that another time, but I'm talking about feelings and emotions that I want with my man.
I want to be naked, physically and emotionally naked, completely open and unafraid. I want him to accept me, completely totally and whole-heartedly, accept me, me. Me for me and all of me. The good, the bad, the ugly, the hyper, the cynical, the enthusiastic, doe-eyed, wide-eyed, running into the world, woman that I am. I want to look into his eyes and see my reflection reflected back at me and be able to see and accept how he sees me, how he sees me in his eyes and how completely wonderful that is. Yep, that's it, that's what I want: I want a man who when I look in his eyes he sees the me that I want to see and the me that I am, the perfectly beautiful sexy flawed me and he loves every inch of it.

...and you? What are you all looking for?

8 comments:

Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

When you say a hut in the South Pacific, with it's humidity and sweat and what not, will you be bringing a razor and deodorant? Cuz trust me, there may be a deal breaker in there for Mr. Tarzan.

When you say love every inch of you, just how many inches are we talking about? I just need to know how much peanut butter to bring.

What do I want? Sweetie, do you really have that much time to hear the whole thing?

GirlGoyle said...

I want someone who won't judge me. Someone who thinks that the quirkiness that make me also define him. Someone who says "I love you because you are a screwball and I wouldn't want it any other way." Someone who thinks I rock his world and isn't afraid to say it. that's the beginning...I want a lot of things I suppose. Which is why I am where I am.

Yeah, him. said...

Someone who can put up with my idiosyncrasies, who is happy to be with me and who doesn't drive me crazy while inspiring me to be a better person. I'm easy on the initial requirements, but if we're getting into specifics on how it could happen - damn, it's been so long since I had a good relationship, I can only remember the romanticized greatest hits from relationships gone sour....

AAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

AeroAangel said...

my head has been dancing around this same topic for several days...perhaps i'll do a post of it soon...i already picked out the pics i wanted to use, but somehow never got around to writing it yet.

Mark said...

You romantic, you. Actually, a cottage on a lake with a fireplace and a big quenn-sized bed, a small beach, and a screened-in porch would be perfect. A pitcher of gin and tonic or a couple of bottles of wine. And some ibuprofen, cuz I think you'd have me sore and achy the next day. ;p

C.Rag said...

I found mine at an early age before the loads of baggage or jadedness occurred, but...
You know when he/she is the one b/c he/she has seen the worse and the best of you & he/she still loves, forgives, cares, & believes in you.

Party Girl said...

Tom: A razor will be needed to keep me all smooth and soft, peanut butter, bring lots. And honey, and wine, and...

...and I have all the time in the world.

GG: YES! No judgment for past 'sins' (cause let's face it, I don't consider them sins. Crimes of passions, lust, greed, oh yeah.) The past is the past and the pesent will be with whomever, so what difference does it make.

yeah: Iidiosyncrasies.. I love seeing and discovering people's because many times they are completely unaware of them. Those little big, huge, small, tiny things that make us, us.

Aero: I look forward to reading and seeing it put together.

Mark, yeah, that's me. Little o' romantic me.
Pani killers, neosporin will be needed, just to name two things.

C-Rag: Color you lucky and color me jealous. Good for you.
I look forward to the day when I find mine.

sonia said...

Party Girl,

it's always nice in the south pacific

That's what I used to think so too... Believe me, when it gets nasty, it gets REALLY nasty...

But otherwise, I completely agree with you... Honesty, forgiveness, trust - those are the most important virtues...