Monday, July 02, 2007

beer makes you smarter

...and here's proof.

This past weekend we had a family BBQ. Brothers, sister-in-laws, niece and nephew, parents. Lots o' food, lots o' booze, lots o' things to explode when the sun went to bed; basically it was a typical get-together. Something happened with my step-sister (idiot) and my mom (wonderful) so she (idiot) and step-brother (okay) left with his wife (super-duper idiot) before the night really got going. (I was fine with this. When idiot and super-duper idiot aren't there, the night it usually more enjoyable.) Anyway. So we (brothers, sister-in-law (cool) and niece (teenager) and nephew (looks like Mac from the cartoon "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends") along with myself are shooting off water balloons, water rockets, and all things that go- Boom! and are followed by-"Pretty."

The water rocket lodged itself in a tree (as it does every year.) So we did what any family would do (who has been drinking) we proceed to throw things at the rocket (in the tree) to try and dislodge it. (What could go wrong?) We start by throwing water balloons. When I say "throwing" I mean we are professional water balloon launchers so we are using a water balloon launching slingshot (of course) to aid in our aim and projectile force at the rocket (we.are.geniuses.) This goes on for several hours. (No, really. Several hours) all the while the cars going down the street are slowing down to see why two teenagers (niece and her friend) one child (Mac) and four adults (two brothers,(one older, one younger) sister-in-law, (the cool one) and myself) (awesomeness) are staring up at a tree and throwing things at it. So to aid in our amusement- whoever isn't throwing an object at the top of the (extremely tall tree)(because we all took turns to aid in the hilarity) (I throw like a girl) stands and stares straight-up and points (ala it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Superman) this slows the motorists even more, they point, and we laugh hysterically at our wit and charm.

So, we spend about three hours amusing ourselves (we're simple folk. And just in case it hasn't been assumed by now, we had beer in our hands and we had been drinking for awhile.) I felt my IQ drop significantly throughout the day and I was taking bets on how long it would take before the football became lodged in the tree along with the rocket. (About an hour.)

Crap! Now what can we throw?

Why, a plastic bucket of course! The one that had all of the (now gone) water balloons in it. (Your IQ may be low if...) Yep. That lasted until the handle wouldn't stay on the bucket any longer and we now had an audience of neighbor kids sitting in their yards staring at the adults (they, and we, we're amused by this.) Once the bucket broke we were about to end the night when I suggested we break out the potato gun. (It's just what it sounds like. Tubing that launches potatoes.) It was pointed out that the potato would cause a hole in the rocket. (Excellent observation.) Cow pies? (No cows. No pies.) Hmmm. I notice the neighbor has landscaping rocks in her yard. I also noticed that the neighbors front blinds are now open, when three hours ago they were closed. (Foiled!) I know! I'll see if mom has any vegetables I can throw.

She does!
I gather a sack of onions, potatoes, and limes (oh my!) and we proceed to throw these at the rocket. We had a few cars stop. We even had a few that did a U-turn to see what we were up to. We did not have any cars that offered to help us. (Shocking!) When night fell and we still hadn't managed to dislodge the rocket (or the football) (Stuck on the same branch, by the way) we called it a night. Well, then we decided to change our course and we started to blow things up. The night lasted well past two a.m. and there is a lot more to the story, however, it's about other IQ's that were lowered so that's for another day.

When I went over to my 'rents house on Sunday mom pointed out that the carnage of onions, potatoes, and limes (oh my!) that were left in the yard really didn't smell so good. (something about heat and humidity, I'm sure) but the rocket fell out of the tree.(all by itself!) The football has not. Eh, it just leaves us something to amuse ourselves with at the next family gathering.


Old Man Crowder said...

What an entertaining story! I was chuckling and shaking my head throughout the entire thing!

Too bad you didn't have a cat and some rope...

Party Girl said...

OMC: Yeah. We're just like that. We manage to be entertaining without even trying.

Here's proof: the new neighbors came over around 12 to introduce themselves.

They stayed.
They drank.
They blew things up with us.
The wife was very excited that I was single and I proceeded to talk on the phone with a friend of hers.
Good night.
When I went home I then walked to the bar.
I met someone there, too.

Sunday I was very dehydrated for some reason.

Jay said...

I think I would have broken out the spud gun myself.

I own a homemade one made out of PVC pipe and an electric grill igniter.

That water rocket woulda gone FOOM!


Bre said...


That sounds like something that my cousins and I would end up doing. In fact, we've had some similar experiences trying to get frisbees off of the roof!

Party Girl said...

Jay: That's what ours is. PVC tubeing with a lighter that is ignited by Auqa Net. Not only does it go "BOOM!" but it stinks as well.

Bre: Yeah. We are pure class.

Jay said...

I've experimented with various combustables and have been most pleased with WD-40.

Aqua Net works well, too. But with WD-40, I've made a potato sail 121 yards.

No, not feet...YARDS!

limpy99 said...

Did anyone think to just climb the damn tree?

Or was that out of the question by that point in the festivities.

Party Girl said...

Jay: WD-40, you say? Hmmmmm.

Limpy: Oh you think you're so clever and wise...actually, I did make that observation, however, it was either a short ladder or a drunk brother...not sure which one, but that idea was 86'd fairly quickly.

Jason said...

several years ago some buddies and I made a potato cannon out of cast iron pipe, a ignition coil from a car, a 12 volt battery, a keyed ignition system similar to the one used to start your car, and a mixture of propane and oxygen. it rocked!

Party Girl said...

Jason: My god, how much beer and pot was involved in that little experiment?

limpy99 said...

That's not a potato cannon Jason, that's heavy artillery.

appletini said...

There is definitely something about alcohol that makes you smarter, huh? ;)
Your family sounds very interesting :)

Jason said...

pg: no beer or pot involved. at the time, we were just a bunch of bored high school students with some spare parts laying around.