Wednesday, July 05, 2006

I want there to be cocktails in heaven

Billy and I were talking about spirituality and what he and I think heaven, hell, angels, and spirits are and if they are possible.

His nephew, five-year-old, Joey says, what I find to be incredibly interesting things on a pretty regular basis.
Here are a few examples: “When I was in heaven, when I was your age, I chose you and Allen to be my parents.” Now he is speaking about his adoptive parents, and if he is speaking about his mother’s age, then he is referring to a time when he was 40 years old.
When he was asked the simple question of, ‘what are you doing?’ He answered, on another occasion “Playing with my dead friend.”
When he and his parents were on a drive one afternoon he pointed to a house and excitedly said, “Look! That’s the house I use to live in!”
You can chalk this up to an active five-year-old imagination, a kid who has maybe caught glimpses of, “The Sixth Sense,” and “Amityville Horror”, or you can choose to believe. Or, at the very least choose to have a conversation about life and the afterlife. Which is what we did.

Personally, I find this fascinating. I wanted to know where the house was. I want to research the history of the house. However, the statement that got me thinking and talking and asking the most questions was the first one. “…I chose you and Allen to be my parents….” To quantify something. Joey is adopted. I could maybe understand the universe sending down a soul to parents who had had two miscarriages in the last year and suddenly giving them the gift of a child, but an adopted child saying this? They took Joey into foster care when he was four months old. Then through a lot of really crazy things coming into place in a very quick and odd way that I won’t bore you with, he was adopted five months later. A child adopted within five months from foster care? Okay, sure it can happen. But, then to say something like that? I mean, maybe there is a; lost soul who is supposed to happen and come into their lives, type of universe.

So, the conversation went on from there.

We talked about angels.

I said, I think what Joey was referring to when he said he was talking to a dead person was, probably a dead person, an angel. I think children, up to a certain point, do see spirits. We, as jaded adults, no longer can, or we choose not to. However, I think spirits are around us all the time. It’s a matter of choosing to see them or not. I think those imaginary friends we had as kids, were probably angels, or spirits.
I also think we will people into our lives and this can be an ‘angel,’ if you will, or an actual person who has ‘angel’ like qualities.
Say, you need a friend who is a really great listener, doesn’t want or take anything from you. They simply want to listen to you all the time. You need this. You will it into your life in some way. Then the next thing you know you have a wonderful new friend who has an amazing ability to listen. Then when their time is ‘done’ so to speak, they move out of our lives. Either they literally move, or you, in some way, lose contact with them. But, ‘poof’, they’re gone.
I’ve had friends like this in many different forms. Are they actually angels? I don’t know. There are certainly some who I literally never heard from again. Sure, maybe something tragic happened to them, or maybe I just didn’t need them anymore. Therefore, they moved on to help someone else.

Then, the conversation moved to heaven, what we both think it is.

I think heaven, like hell, is different for everyone. What might be heaven to me might not be what would be heaven-like to you, so it’s different from you to me to the next person.

Billy’s heaven is cocktails and cute boys. In other words, a gay disco. He is definite about his desire to have cocktails and cute boys in heaven.
When I made fun of his, he made a smart remark about me running in a meadow. Funny enough, that’s what I was picturing. Me in a grassy field with flowers all around me. I was wearing a sundress, and the sky was a shade of blue only found in paintings. I was barefoot holding sandals in my left hand, the sun was on my face and I was breathing easy. So, apparently my heaven is very Summers Eve-like. Ah, fresh.
The thing is, I think the gay disco and the Summers Eve field can be right next to each other. Billy and I can be standing next to each other having a conversation while he has a cocktail in one hand, a cigarette in the other with a disco ball spinning over head and there is a loud bass in the background and I am shading my eyes from the sun where the only sound is, nothing. I mean what’s the point of two different heavens if they can’t co-exist right next to each other? I want Billy in my heaven, dammit! His gay disco had better be next to my Summers Eve field!

Hell is the same way. I told him my hell would be a loud smokey dark dank smelly pit filled with snakes. Not the fire and brimstone hell of the Bible, but a place that is smokey dark dank smelly, not to mention the snakes? Yeah, hell.
To which he responded, “Mmm, your hell is my heaven.”
“There’s no snakes at the gay disco.”
“Oh, there’s a lot of snake like men there.”
“You’ve got a point.”

Then he asked if I thought there is hatred, anger, bigotry in heaven?”
I said, “No, because then that’s now, that’s Earth. I don’t think there’s anything like that there, what would the point be?”
He then said, in heaven he, “Wants what he wants when he wants it.”
To which I responded, “So, you want your heaven to be like your Earth. You’re going to be just as selfish dead as you were alive.” To which he then called me a, fucker.

I’m not afraid of death in the least little bit. I’ve cheated it a few times, but that’s for another post. There are certain ways I don’t want to die, but ultimately, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I mean, I’m dead. I would like to have some notice about my death if I could. There are a few things I would like to get rid of before I go. But, again, I’d be dead, so I guess it doesn’t really matter who finds what when.

I also think I would come back and visit people if I could. I told Billy I wouldn’t come back and do that scary, stand-at-the-end-of-his-bed-while-he-was-sleeping-and-stare-at-him-until-he-looked-at-me type of visit. To which he replied, he was glad because he really wouldn’t like that. But, I would like to stop by and leave a note or something. A little post-it note saying, “PG was here, it’s wonderful, I love you.” type thing.

Sometimes I wish for a, “It’s A Wonderful Life,” moment. For my angel, Clarence to come down and show me the people I’ve touched, that I’ve mattered to. I mean, I know I’d be missed. I know I am loved. But, I would love to see and know before I am gone. I would love to see who I’ve mattered to. Who I’ve affected in some way. Good or bad, just an impact I’ve made on someone. It would be nice if we could all have our, George Bailey moment while we are still alive. Everyone wants validation. I think that's what we all strive for. To know we matter. To know what we do and say matters to someone. To know that someone took notice.

So, do you believe? I'm not asking if you believe in one God or what religious beliefs you have. This conversation wasn't about religion, not in any way was it about religion. God, (sure, take the pun) don't get me started on my thoughts about organized religion. (A bunch of white guys vying for power, money, land, and control. That's all I've got to say about that.) but just in something. Do you believe in something. If so, what do you believe?


Pyrhonik said...

I believe that we are all energy, constantly being added to and subtracted from. We share energy with every connection we make. At the end of this existence we graduate to another. I like to believe that there is an overlap of existence and that we can be sensitive to all forms of energy. Most of all I like to believe that we have influence on our own energy and what we do with it.

These are just my beliefs and thoughts, I have never researched them or compared them to something formal in the world. I couldn't care less if I fall under any label.

I liked this post. Those were great discussions you had with your friends. Kinda startling what comes from the mouths of babes.

Karl said...

Interesting post. I don't really have a preconceived notion of what heaven is like, but I hope that I'll get to visit with family and friends there.

To me, Hell is not a fire and brimstone sort of's a total separation from God.

As for religion, it's an invention of man, not God, so it's far from perfect.

GirlGoyle said...

To me hell is sitting at this office day after day enduring these assholes I work with that have no respect for anyone or anything but the big green dollar. Every morning when my alarm goes off I wonder what the hell I must've done to get here. And it's hell for sure because every time I think I see the light someone or something causes the lightbulb to explode. that I've defined hell...I'm thinking of what heaven could be and I apologize for my being so cynical but I can't seem to see it. I guess heaven would be the feeling of wanting to get up in the morning to go to work. For now I guess I'd even accept purgatory as long as you and/or Billy pour me another drink.

Phollower said...

I'm a complete non-believer. I think you're born, you live, you die, you're worm food. The end. You don't do anything before you're born, you don't do anything after. People have said to me, "Don't you find that sort of depressing?" And I say, "First of all, not really. I'm just fine with the idea that my life here is the whole thing, not a means to an end or a way point to somewhere else. Second, depressing would in no way make it less likely to be true."

I'm also the first one to say, "I don't know for sure."

puerileuwaite said...

I'm with phollower (does this make me a "phollower follower"?). As I couldn't have stated it better.

Except for the non-believer part, since I WANT to believe. So my mind isn't closed to this possibility.

But I do think that our inherent narcissism is a primary reason for so many believing in an afterlife, along with religious dogma.

puerileuwaite said...

BTW, I thought pyrhonik's comment was intriguing. As someone with a technical background, I have thought along similar lines.

And, Karl, I am totally with you on that last paragraph. Opiate of the masses / mass mind control?

Sorry, PG, I didn't mean to play moderator ... this is a very thought-provoking "discussion".

justacoolcat said...

One thing is certain, never underestimate a child.

Acid Lizard said...

Hell is three miles of cubicles and no bathroom.

Seriously, I don't think hell could possibly be fire and brimstone. Although I was raised catholic, I have never really bought into the beliefs of the church. I'm with Karl. Hell is a complete and total seperation from god, However you choose to see him/her/it/them.
This pretty much sums up my views on heaven and hell...

Party Girl said...

Pyrhonik: I like that, energy. Going from here to there to everywhere, co-existing somehow with each other.

I also like the idea of past lives. We talked about this as well. I can buy into this. I think I've lived at least one. It goes back to a very vivid dream I had when I was around 5. Very vivid, remember it all to this day. There is also something about the 30-40's era that I am very drawn to and that was when this dream took place, that era, I mean.

The thing with past lives is, you're doomed to repeat your life until you get it right. How, or who, tells you you've finally done it right?

Karl: I don't buy into the fire and brimstone thing either. I'm sure it has a lot to do with being raised Baptist. Too dramatic.
Hell is what you make of it. Much like Earth, I suppose.

GG: I so hear ya. Ah, memories of Corporate America. May I die before I have to go back to it.
I hope you can get out soon. And Billy and I will always share cocktails. At the very least we will get a round or two, or at least pay your cover.

Phollower: I like your honesty. You don't believe, you don't find it depressing and yet you're the first to admit you don't know. So, you're still open to possibilities. Nice.

Puer: I think the need to believe in something is inherent. I don't think we want to believe, or accept that this could possibly be all there is. I mean is there a point to it? And what if we don't find or if we miss the point, then what? Does that mean we get to come back? Oh, wait, there's that believing in something part again.

oh, and never apologize for commenting about the comments. Part of the open and honest forum I want on this blog. Just no hatin' I won't stand for hatin'.

coolcat: No, shit. No, shit. Constantly amazed.

Azid: Yes, yes that would be hell. Thanks for the link. I will be checking it out.

One thing that I found interesing about the comments was the mention of hell over heaven. There really wasn't a mention of heaven.
I think Karl was the only one. I hope I'm not wrong about that. I find that intersting. Why is that do you suppose? Is hell easier to identify with? Most of us have feelings of; anger, misery, depression, frustration more than we do of joy, happiness, and laughter- peace?
I don't know. Not trying to get all deep here. Just something I noticed and thought I'd make mention of.

Thanks for all of your comments and for sharing!

puerileuwaite said...

Heaven does NOT have wireless Internet. I know this much.

Party Girl said...

Acid lizard: Thanks for sharing the link. I have to say, I agree with the message.