Sunday, July 16, 2006

I'm holding someone in judgment and well, it's throwing me off. So, help a gal out.

Okay, so I need to know if I’m off base on something. I’m judging someone and well, I don’t judge people. Well, I don’t judge people based on their sexual practices. Except if you’re into child porn. Sorry, I can’t condone child porn. Judgment and an onslaught of other things coming forth from my mouth is going to happen.
But, I mean, if you bought a dog just so you can eat its poo on a silver antique platter because it gets you off, well, then by all means, buy the dog.
If you have more toys than Santa Claus and all his elves put together and sit around thinking of new ways to pleasure yourself and your mate, well then, please, by all means do share the ideas and stories with me.
Really, if it gets you off, I don’t care. But, I heard a story over the weekend that I am holding the person in judgment over and it’s bothering me. So, I thought I would share it with you all to see if you agree with me or not.

One of my mom’s friends, she is a widow, has a small child and is only a few years older than me. (The friend, not my mom, cause that would be weird.)
So, the friend had sex with her boyfriend. Boyfriend fell asleep. Friend crept out of bed, got in her car and drove to her ex’s house. Had sex with him. Left his house drove back to her house got back into bed and acted like nothing happened. Apparently the boyfriend is a sound sleeper cause I guess he didn’t wake-up. Friend is very proud of her accomplishment with getting away with her little sneak and fuck.
When my mom told me this story I had a few questions.
One: Where was the son?
Away at the grandparent’s house.
Two, three, four and upward: What if the boyfriend woke up? Is she just into sabotaging her life and her relationships? Why is she with this guy again? I thought she didn’t even like him. What if she got into a car accident?
…..So, I was annoyed, but whatever, not my friend.

Then yesterday I heard part two of the story.

This isn’t the first time she’s done this and apparently she has a stalker.
She quit her job and is taking the summer off. (Living off the settlement from her dead husband. Wrongful death type thing) Manager said he could get her job. She slept with him. (I’m not sure why. Maybe as a thank you.) Now he won’t leave her alone.
So, she has a stalker while she has a boyfriend.
She has cheated on her boyfriend, (that last I knew she didn't even really care for, but at least it's better than being alone. Right?) (Sarcasm) twice in the last two weeks.
Judgment is fully in place and I don’t feel even an intsy bit sorry for her. (In regards to the stalker.)

So, to recap: Widow with a young son, slept with boyfriend, crept out of bed, got in her car drove to have sex with her ex, had sex, and got back into bed with her boyfriend.
Had sex with her ex-manager when he had a job offer for her, he is now stalking her.

So, am I wrong in my judgment? I mean, cause this just seems stupid. (Her, not my judgment, but I do feel odd about the judgment.) Low-self-esteem issues, sabotage, can’t be alone; she is terrified of being alone. People who are terrified of being alone make me wonder. What’s so scary about yourself that you can’t be alone with it? Just makes me wonder, ya know?

So, help me out.


puerileuwaite said...

WTF?! This "friend" is BAD news. This is precisely why creation of life should *almost* require a license (I'm more into "free-will" than having Big Brother control population growth - hence the *almost*). She has a KID for Chrissakes! What an ignorant, self-absorbed bitch!

My 2-cents? She gets off on the risks.

What if one of her Mr. Goodbars offs her altogether? Be a slut or a mother ... not both. Normally I would say to stay as far away from this train wreck masquerading as a human, but what about her son?

I would have a moral responsibility to do what I can to help protect him from almost (there's that word again) certain tragedy. He needs a mother. He deserves a responsible mother.

It's a tough situation for you, PG. Knowing you (as much as possible in the blog-world, in this short time) as little as I do, it's obvious that you have a HUGE heart. So I know that you can't just walk away.

You know the extent of your relationship with this person. So you should assess your options as follows:

1) talk to her; let her know how you feel, and that this dangerous behavior must stop immediately, or that you will do what is necessary to ensure that her son is SAFE.

2) if the first option - for whatever reason - is not viable, the next option is to approach the grandmother.

3) alert the authorities.

I realize this is all too easy for me to write. Sorry if I've rambled on too much. I sensed (seriously ... don't ask me how, though ...) that something was wrong, even though I (barely, if at all) have "known" you for a very short while.

Good luck, PG. You have me and your other loyal readers that care.

Jay said...

Here's my two cents on this issue:

What should YOU do about this little soap opera? Nothing. Situations like the one you describe need to come to their natural conclusion if there is a lesson to be learned. It may end horribly. Actually, it probably will. However, an intervention may do nothing more than prolong the inevitable. From what you're describing here, she sounds like the type of person who uses sex to define her own self-worth. Eventually this will all catch up with her. Hopefully it won't effect her child in any way.

Fitèna said...

Wow! This sounds like a bad scripted telenovela!
She's got a problem this friend!
Like J says, what goes around comes around.
It's terrible when adult act so immaturely, especially when Children are involved!

GirlGoyle said...

My two pesetas...she's selfish. She wants the cow, the cake and the milk to dip it into. And dipping she does. I'm with Jay on this one.

wavslidn said...

I think everyone is all in agreement here - this is a train wreck waiting to happen. I too think she gets off on the risk of getting caught. If it were not for the child, I would say who cares. A person is more that welcome to screw up their life however they want, but not the kid's life - what did he do to deserve this? I just hope for the kid's sake that he can live with his grandparents when the friend's life comes crashing down.

But there is one thing you did not mention - is she hot? To fully ananlyze the situation, I need to know how she looks (and maybe her phone number). JUST KIDDING - JUST KIDDING!!!

You do have a big heart to let this affect you this much - my impression of you has gone up even a bit more. You are a very caring person.

Mark said...

I hope that (a) she's using birth control, (b) is having safe sex (c) realizes that this is not the best situation.
Partner A doesn't realize he's getting sloppy thirds some night... and he's basically having sex with the other two and not knowing it!

This is something that only a close friend can possibly intervene in, unless of course, she's in bed with your SO. She's probably getting off to some degree on the risky sex, but then perhaps there is an underlying self-esteem problem there, too.

If she's being stalked, then she has to report it. Then again, it's never a good idea to fuck somebody to geta job, because fucked you will be.

TrappedInColorado said...

Hey. Whatever.

Bre said...

That's a hot mess... and the person in all of this who is going to suffer the most is that poor child. I don't think you're wrong to have such a strong opinion of her, because something like this isn't a kink or a fetish, it's behavior that's putting her child in danger. It's hard not to have an opinion on it!

ptg said...

I don't know if it is so much of a question of judge as it is condone. It's obvious you do NOT condone that type of behavior - but it is definitely difficult to not judge the type of person she is by that behavior as well.

I agree with Jay - since it's a friend of your mom's, I would just wait for the train wreck, because it's obvious that it's going to come to a messy end. How long has this woman been a widow? Is it relatively recent, and maybe she just can't "cope?" Regardless, it certainly seems that she isn't showing respect to anyone, most importantly to herself.

I would just stay out of it, which is incredibly hard to do, but it's going to come to a nasty end sometime soon from the sounds of it.

the bare frame said...

judgment, whatever. that behavior is way sleazy.

Party Girl said...

Train wreck, pretty much sums her up.
I stopped being her friend a long time ago. She is still part of my mom's circle. My mom just tells me the stories and she knows they're going to irk me.

Her husband died 6-7 years ago. He literally died the day they brought their son home. He died within the hour, if memory serves.

Is she trying to find a replacment? Absolutely.
We keep telling her it just isn't going to happen.

Self-esteem and validationof self-worth through sex? Oh, yeah, which is what I think I have the problem with.
She is terrified of being alone. Again, I always have trouble when people can't be alone with themselves. What are they so afraid of? What don't they want to see, face, and find out?

As far as her being a slut? I really have a problem with that word. It depends on your definition and how you use it.
Do I think she's a slut? No. Do I think she uses incredibly bad judgment and she is putting her health, safety and the future of her child in jeopardy? Yes.

This is another example of someone not respecting relationships, themselves, their partner and others. I'm tired of hearing these stories.

....train wreck will happen. I'll simply stand back and shake my head when it does.

Condone? No. Judge? Probably. More of a shaking of my head.

Thanks for your feedback.

Puerileuwaite: Has something been bothering me? Yes. For about a month now. Is this it? No. I literally just found this out on Friday and Saturday.
Thanks for noticing and for caring.

puerileuwaite said...

PG, I saw your very last paragraph. I sincerely hope that you are doing okay, and that you have someone close to whom you can comfortably confide. If there's a way that I can help, let me know.