the latest

This the same photo from before, I just added the red and I am finally happy with it. It faces my bed so it's what I wake up to every morning. I wasn't happy with the painting. One Sunday I got out of bed, put on my glasses and took it off the wall. I slapped some paint on a brush, made som strokes on the canvas, smiled and hung it back on the wall with the paint still wet.


"1976"
Because it reminds me of something from the 70's. The colors don't translate well in a photo. The background is seafoam green and the squares are deep green and gold with white around them.


"Tribal"
A dark brown background against red, brown, and gold swirls.
My girlfriend asked me to make a painting for her and this was the outcome. She loved it. There may be more to come from this as well. I gave it to her at work and well, the response was pretty fucking awesome from all of our co-workers. I had some request from others. For the others I told them what the minimum charge would be. They were fine with it.
Let's here it, whoo-hoo!

How it went. Or how the day went after I finally peed

So, I couldn't take it anymore and I left at 1:30 yesterday. With wishes of good luck I headed out to my trusty Mustang.
My trusty Mustang decided to add stress to my life and decided to not be so trusty. It wouldn't start.
With utterances of, "You have got to be kidding me. Come on."..and five turns of the ignition later, I called security and I called my mom.
I sat in the parking lot in my dead car waiting for both to show and also counting the minutes down. Mom and security showed up at the same time (perhaps it's a metaphor) and of course, I tried my car one more time and of course it started right up.
Not wanting to chance it I drove my mom's car to Big Private College.
I literally had just enough time to run home, get pretty..well, not even that. I had just enough time to change my clothes, run to get my textbook, and drive to BPC.
I then had just enough time to take several deep breaths and head into the defense.

I think it went well. It was pretty relaxed and I made them laugh right from the start (always a good sign.) They were very complimentary in terms of my paper and my ideas again, that seems positive.
They said they would be in contact with me shortly in regards to the outcome.
I was hoping that meant by last night or at least this morning.
Nope.
I still wait.
However.
I did go to celebrate my victory, or my perceived victory. I had a greasy hamburger, a pint, and a wonderfully decadent dessert put in a to-go container to savour for later.
I then went to class for two hours and drove home.
I then got a lecture about my car from my parent's even though my mechanic step-brother found nothing wrong with it. (Alrighty. Love that logic.)
Spirits are not dampened.
I received a rejection letter from a publisher who called my writing exemplary..or was it exceptional. I can't remember. It was definitely an "ex" word with a "p" in it.
Still flying high around 11:15 p.m.
Crashed and crashed hard around 11:30 p.m.
Good sleep last night.
I now eagerly await the outcome.

Thanks for all of your wishes of luck yesterday!

ready to pee my pants

Today is my defense date.

At 3:30.

Which means I will leave work by 1:45.

It's currently 12:06.

I need to run home.
Change clothes to get all pretty and professional and stuff.
Run to the post office.
Actually, run to the post office needs to come before, run home and get all pretty and professional and stuff.
Stop at local campus to pick up textbook for tonight's class.
Drive an hour, but not be rushed, so allow myself extra time to get there.
Give defense at 3:30 in front of an entire department, which I have never met, nor have any of them ever taught me.
Give defense.
Find something to keep me occupied until 6:00, which is when my class starts. My last class. My last class!!!!!!

Hmm, maybe I should leave work by 1:30. Leave my house no later than 2:15 to get to Big Private College by 3:20-ish.

It's currently 12:08.

Ball of nervous energy.

I need to pee.

My co-workers keep asking me when I'm leaving as I keep looking at the clock.

It's 12:08.

Please, please, please, please let this go well.

Please, please, please, please, let me get an A.

I deserve an A.

I worked my ass off.

Well, not really as I am currently sitting on my ass. But, my ass is much thinner than it was when this process started.
But so are my boobs. Well, not thinner as boobs can't technically get thinner, but smaller. Amazing what less-stress and actually having free time can do for the bod.

12:09.

(Tap, tap, tap, go my fingernails on my desk.)
12:10.

Please, let me get and A.

Let me have an honest, no rehearsed sounding, eloquent answer for all of their questions.

For all those questions that I have no idea of what will be asked.

(Tap, tap, tap.)

12:11.

Last night two of the dreams I remember having are: That I lost all of my teeth, which is a reoccurring dream for me. I am a teeth person. I notice teeth. A person's teeth says a lot about their appearance. A reoccurring dream about losing teeth says, that I am conscious of my appearance.

Second dream: That someone broke into my apartment and left my patio doors wide open. There was a brisk wind blowing through and the intruder left a bottle of Wish Bone salad dressing on my balcony.
No shit.
Seriously.
I yelled, "What do you want? Where are you?!?!!?"
...and, scene.
What do you suppose that means?

Ugh.

Wish me luck.
Hmm, maybe that's my Wish Bone. Maybe I'm asking for a wish bone. Anyone got one?

My ass and my GPA will be on the line at 3:30.

I think I'll need a wish bone right about then.

your weekend about the same?

"

"

"

What you can't see is the several layers of ice underneath all of the fluffy white stuff. Needless to say my weekend was spent trapped inside my apartment. Needless to say, my night out on Friday with Mr. London was cancelled.

Poop stain.

inner dork: Sex around the world

...and it's not about me!

Did you know....

Premature ejaculation isn't a problem for the Pacific dwelling Marquesan men, who've mastered the ability to prolong their erections indefinitely until their female partner has had two or three orgasms.
(Yes, please.)
(Have they really mastered anything or are they just thinking about baseball? Or whatever the equivalent of Marquesan baseball, is.)

In order to be legal, porn shops in India are called "museums."
(You know, I wondered where all the art was, but I strangely felt so at home during my last visit.)

Trobriand Islanders of the South Pacific have a thing for biting off their lover's eyelashes and eyebrows during sex.
(Alrighty.)

In Tuscany the missionary position is called the "angelic" position.
(Ah, how sweet.)
(Ah, how boring.)

As foreplay a Ponapean man may sometimes put a fish in the woman's vulva and gently lick it.
(Um, ew.)
(Men, don't. Just, don't say anything.)
(And most importantly, just don't.)

If a tribe in New Caledonia lost its chief, the entire tribe was expected to abstain from sex for an entire month.
(Well that sucks. Well, I guess it doesn't. I guess nothings getting sucked in that case.)
(Bummer.)

half a dozen with some sugar on top

Considering my Googleing abilities I can't believe this took me this long.
I may have my money problems solved.
I always joke that I'm going to go to Craig's List and look for a sugar daddy. Well, guess what, I Googled, sugar daddy and what o' what should come up (Hey, that's punny) pages of sugar daddies. There is a dating site specifically for this. Color me intrigued.
I placed an ad.
I'll let you know.

I'm always joking about donating my eggs. I mean, I'm not using them, nor do I plan to, so why not let someone have 1/2 a dozen or so, you know? However, I, according to all the research out there, am past my prime. Past my prime egg storage and baby harvesting skills by about 5 years. Sad. But, I Googled egg donation in my area and guess what, not too old.
I submitted my app.
The age preference is 21-32...let's hope they call in the next 8 weeks...cause then I am too old. Dammit. Timing. I'm telling ya. Her and Karma, two bitches you don't want to piss off.

K, that's all for now. Let me know if you have any ideas.

And men, seriously, if I had your equipment I'd be making donations all over the place for money. I mean, I figure if I was a guy I'd be making donations for free all the time anyway, so why not?

The Power of One: what would you do?

Some thoughts for the day:

If you found yourself in the middle of a war, a genocide, and you were able to help, would you? Would you be the person who would risk yourself, your life, to help others, to help strangers at the risk of yourself?

Who would you be in the face of danger? In the face of a humanitarian crisis?

Of course there is no way to know what we would do until we are placed in that situation, but what does your heart and your mind tell you, say that you would do?

just checkin'

I'm just double checking.

Is the war over?

I mean, did we win or did somebody, anybody win?

Cause, well, here's the thing. With all of the Anna Nicole drama and also something about some pop princess shaving her head, and some other pop princess doing her own take on rehab dominating the news and coming in as the top headlines; well, I was wondering if maybe I missed the big: "War Over" top story.
So, I'm just checking.
The war is still going on, right?
People are still being killed. People are still losing various limbs and body parts. Families are still being torn apart. Towns, villages, markets, and businesses still being imploded on a daily basis. No WMD have been found. Still no real end in sight...none of that has changed, right?
Just checking.
Just making sure I hadn't missed anything.

some things I'm getting back to you on

I realized I haven't done a post about me in awhile and about what's going on. So, here's an update.
I told you all at the beginning of January that I would get back to you on a few things, here's the update:

I may have a problem: In regards to my drinking ability. After spending 10 hours, yes, 10 hours, drinking on Saturday and my only comment at the end of the night was, "I'm just tired. I know I wouldn't pass a sobriety test right now, but truly, I'm just tired." I may have a problem. Then again, my only problem may be the lack of hours in a day and the lack of funds in my checking account. I called Mr. London at 10:30 to see if he wanted to join us, he told me the next day that not only was my drinking ability impressive, but so was my speech. According to him it was remarkably clear. Cheers to me.

Master's degree: I am currently putting any future education goals on hold. The reason, I have absolutely no idea what the next few months let alone the next few years have in store for me. Therefore, I don't see the reason to apply to grad schools at the moment since I don't know where I will be living.

Where I will be living: This depends on a few things; one, my job and two, my job and three, my job. Depending on what happens there it will be the main factor on where I will be calling home. Don't be surprised if in three, six, or twelve months I tell you all I'm moving to Europe.

Job situation: Remember back in September when I was on cloud 22 in regards to my job and that they were creating a position for me? Well, yeah, it has yet to be finalized. I have yet to hear anything. I have no idea what my future has in store for me in terms of employment. No stress there. Nope. None.

Life in the next few months: I think (key word in there) that if a position is actually finalized for me, I will work here for another one to two years. I will payoff all of my debt and save some cash and then move overseas. If no position is created then I may be calling Europe home by the end of the summer. If that happens then I will be taking all of my debt that I can't payoff by working as many jobs as I can cram into 24 hours a day with me.

Debt: Surprise of the day: Turns out my student loans are coming due a few months sooner than I had anticipated. As in 4 months sooner. As in April. Another (key word there) part-time job isn't even possible right now as my last class starts next week...so....

Trip: I (almost) have my trip to Athens and Istanbul finalized. I am waiting for some fundage to come my way and I will be booking it. I had a thought about not going and paying off some credit cards, but dammit, I deserve this trip. I figured up last week, for my own shits and giggles, how many hours I was in school and at work for the past 2.5 years and here is a breakdown: work: 40 hours. School: 40 hours. Travel time: at least an hour a day driving to and from school= 5 or 10 hours depending on the campus. Sleep: 5-6 hours a night. Do the math and see how many hours that leaves a person a day and in a week to be able to have a life and function at all. So, yeah. I'm taking the trip. I deserve it. I will be leaving at the end of May and I will be gone for 10 days.

Signs, coincidences, and life smacking me in the face: London still comes up throughout my day numerous times. As in, at least 3-4 times a day. Now. I believe the universe absolutely sends us signals; however, I am still trying to figure out if this one is telling me I need to move there, travel there, or visit there. This one I will have to get back to you on.

Love life: There's no other way to put this: I am very much falling in love with Mr. London. My friends would say, "Falling, hell. You've done tripped, girl." He's leaving the middle of April to start the first of May. We're still friends and we hang-out and talk regularly. As much as I am thankful for our time together it is hard for me to be with him knowing he is leaving and also with my life so up in the air right now. I told him last night that I have been thinking of moving to Europe and that I fully expect to move there in x amount of time. He had a reaction, but not necessarily the reaction of: "That's awesome!" It was more like, "yeah, well, everyone else is doing it.."
Okay, those aren't even close to his words but.... So, I'll see. He's awesome. I love the feeling I have around him. I hate the unsuredness (I realize that's not a word, but it sums it up well.) and the emotions I am having. I've never....never....felt this way about anyone.
Anyone.
I kept focusing on, Why now; why meet right as he finds out he's leaving. Then I realized I need to focus on; hey, at least we met.
I have a couple other men vying for my attention, but here's the thing, they're not him. So.....

Timing: She's a tricky bitch.

Thesis: I met with my mentor on Saturday and I have an appointment to defend it Monday, 26th at 3:30 in the afternoon. God Fuck, do I hope that is the end of it. God fuck, do I hope I get an A.

Paintings and such: I've had a couple requests for paintings from a few of you. I would love to paint something for those who have requested one. I would also love payment. For any confusion on this, see the heading labeled: debt. Let me know if you're still interested and we can go from there.

Tai Chi, chess, belly dancing: The chess class was canceled (sad.) Belly dancing is hilarious and an amazing workout. Tai Chi: If everyone did this the world would be a much calmer place. I feel so damn relaxed afterwards. No, I mean, so. damn. relaxed. It's awesome and powerful. A result of the class has been that I no longer turn on the stupid box for the shear noise of it and I sit in quiet in my apartment as often as I can.

Emotions: Basically a roller-coaster. Because of a few of the things mentioned above I spent most of yesterday crying all day. All day. Simply couldn't stop. I feel like I haven't been in a good mood since December. I've simply had too many things that are uncertain and that I have no control over and I don't know the final outcome of those things. It can be too much for a Party Girl to take. However. I also have faith that they will all work out how they are supposed to.

The sex factor

I was wondering the other day about how much sex and relationships play a part in our lives. There are some people who, when we talk, the entire conversation is dominated by their current relationship and my current state of singledom or couplehood, why? Are our relationships really that interesting? Is the state of our relationships that important to us in terms of health, both mental and physical?
But, the real question I got to thinking about was, if it wasn't for sex how influential would relationships with the opposite, or same, sex really be in our lives, in terms of our mental and physical health? How integral is sex in our lives and how influential is sex in terms of where our next relationship will come from, will be with?

Honestly, when it comes to couplehood I'm more interested in where my next lay with come from more than I am where my next boyfriend will come from. I wonder more about the sex than I do about the new Mr. Potential when I'm on the prowl. Perhaps that says something about me, or does everyone think that way? One universal factor, no matter IQ level, that we, as breathing and upright living beings, have in common is sex. Sex is an integral and driving force, an animal instinct, that we all share. We must meet. We must procreate. We must breed. We must feel good. So, if it wasn't for sex, if sex wasn't a factor, if it didn't exist for instance, if we were all A-sexual, how important would relationships be to us?

Your thoughts?

inner dork: It's all about sex

Sex, sex, and just for fun a little more sex.

Without further ado, did you know....


It was believed in Victorian times that if a woman bathed in fresh strawberries, it'd help shrink flabby breasts.
(See, how, how does this even make a little bit of sense?)

It is said that the famous prostitute and madam Calamity Jane earned her nickname because of the social disease she inevitably inflicted upon those who had sex with her.
(I guess it is all in a name in this case and a ratehr obvious one at that.)

Oophorectomies, the removing of a women's ovaries, came into vogue in the Victorian era as a means of curing a host of ailments, including irritability, "simple cussedness," and "eating like a plowman."
(hmm, well if I can't eat like a man and if I would no longer have the ability to cuss, I'll keep mine, thanks.)

Homosexuality remained on the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental illnesses until 1973.
(...and yet still, so many people think it is a sin and can be cured.)

In the fifth century B.C., a Corinthian athlete tried to bribe an Olympic games official with fifty top-quality harlots.
(See, I bet if the judges were bribed with whores opposed to money, the French skaters would still have their gold medals. Just sayin'.)

In order to fully finance the cost of constructing Saint Peter's Basilica in Rome, there was instituted a church-imposed prostitution tax, whose revenue exceeded even that from the sales of indulgences.
(I bet if we had a tax like this the National Debt would be gone. Whose with me???)

I'll take mine in a glass, thanks.

Happy VD!

VD, nothing a little shot can't cure.

A little shot of Stoli.
A little shot of Jack.
A little shot of Jose'.
A little shot of Jim.

...the alcohol.
Not the men.
Although....

one day or....

Conversation between myself, two other women, and a young man who just broke his engagement to his high school sweetheart and also just spent $15,000 on a wedding that is no longer going to be taking place.

Yesterday:

Married woman: I won't get a card from my husband because he thinks Valentine's Day is nothing more than a way for the card companies to make money.

PG: Hmm, I hear that reasoning from a lot of men. I wonder how women feel about Valentine's Day.

Man, pointedly asking me: I don't know. How do women feel?

PG: I would rather have 364 days of special versus one.
This made the young man laugh, which made me happy.

How about all of you? How do you feel about this day of love?

unconditional puppy love

The sheer love, enthusiasm, and joy that comes from my parent's dog each and every time I go over to their house. The joy is from their dog, not so much from my parent's, which is my point.
It doesn't matter if it has been five minutes, five days, five weeks, or five blommin' seconds since Sadie, Sadie the Adorable Wonder Dog has seen me, her enthusiasm is the same.
She hears me enter the back door and she comes tearing through the house, into the kitchen, slides across the floor and bounces off the cabinets and jumps up and down spins in circles over and over and over and over and over and over and over...you get the idea, until I tell her to stop jumping.
She then repeats this love, adoration, and affection into the living room and onto the couch. Of course because I am there it means I am there to see her. which means it is play time. I then play fetch with whatever her favorite toy is of the day.

Yesterday after several minutes of this display of love and affection I turned to my mom and said, "I wish everyone was as excited to see me as she is. As excited as she is each and every time to see me. The world would be a much more lovely place."

Hokey? Sure, but think about it: dogs have no attitude, no pretense, they don't care what kind of day you've had or what kind of mood you're in they are always, always happy to see you. Everyone should act more like a dog.
Me, I like to think of myself as a puppy. I'm always ready to go, always happy and enthusiastic, but sometimes...sometimes I'm the older dog who knows better. The older wiser dog that just looks at the puppy and thinks, simmer down, simmer down. You know, the cynical dog. However, I hope, I hope I have that kind of affection and unconditional love towards those around me. Something tells me I don't even come close.

Sadie, The Wonder Dog

inner dork: that'll learn ya

Did you know....

The earliest recorded case of someone giving up smoking was on April 5, 1679 by Johan Katsu, sheriff of Turku, Finland. He wrote in his diary, " I quit smoking tobacco." He died one month later.

The imploding of an American Dream

I've been feeling disillusioned lately. Well, really for awhile. For a couple of years actually. In terms of what is supposed to be the American Dream I don't think I fit into, nor do I think I want to obtain it. In terms of what is considered American I don't think I fit into, nor do I think I want to obtain it. In terms of mass materialism I don't think I fit into, nor do I think I want to ever obtain it or worship at the alter known as "The Label."
I never want to say, that a $5,000 purse is affordable or that the latest model of SUV is a must-have.

I've never made getting married or having kids a goal, nor do I ever plan to. I don't understand how marriage and kids can be a goal. I think they can be a want perhaps a need, (meaning in terms of biological clock) but never a goal. Do you want to be a parent or do you want to have kids? Do you want to be a husband or a wife and have a marriage or do you want to be a bride or a groom and have a wedding?
Last week when speaking with two soon-to-be-grooms I told them I don't want to spend more than $1500 on my wedding and that $1400 of that had better be on food and alcohol. I thought I was going to have to pick their eyes up off the floor. They said that was all fine and well, but I'm forgetting about a little thing like the dress and the tuxes. To which I replied, I'm pretty sure I could find a white dress at Target that would do just fine and if he wants to wear a tux, great, but it didn't really matter to me at all. I don't want a wedding, I want a marriage. Both of the soon-to-be's said they were at upwards of $15,000 for their (the brides) big day. I can't articulate how obscene that is to me. But, to each their own. Starving children or education for schools, $2,000 on a cake or $2,000 on books and clean water it's a choice. I guess.

But, this is simply one thing that I have issue with, the whole mass conspicuous consumption and waste that comes with a imagined disposable income, because isn't that what most of us have, an imagined income? We are living one way when we should be living another. A nation of mass debt and dreamed of necessities. SUV's that guzzle gas fueling the need for foreign oil and causing drivers to create intimidation on the road. Hummers were made for warfare not for soccer practice or pizza deliveries. Not to mention how frustrating it is to be inside my Mustang and try to back-out of a parking spot next to two Denalis on either side of me, which causes me to worry about being rear-ended.

Our homes are nothing more than a different shade of beige in a 2.5 McHouse society with a Playskol set that is remarkably never used. The different shade of beige has a three car garage, which allows the owner to never be seen or heard by the other beige neighbors. The SUV can be parked quickly and quietly inside the comfort of the home and thus showing the prominence of what we truly value, our cars, and the garage has become our new fence. Yet there is still a need for a fence around the different shade of beige and the remarkably never used Playskol set allowing for double protection from ever having to see or know our neighbors in the perfect Wonder Bread White suburbia McNeighborhood. Perfect.

We consume pre-made pre-packaged foods with more additives and preservatives than anyone could ever pronounce all cooked in the quick convenience of our microwaves. We consume the food within a 10 minute time frame and yet we wonder why we are obese, we wonder why every other person is suffering from heart disease and diabetes and various cancers somehow remain a mystery to us.

We value fame over substance. We want our facts in five second sound-bites and we consider ourselves informed. We believe the stupid-box is the alter of our living rooms and have all of our furniture pointed towards the glowing god. We don't have time to know the full article and believe what-ever the government wants us to know and we don't argue, fight, or have time to question because we don't have the time or worst of all, we no longer care and we don't believe that we can make a difference. There was a time when the status quo was measured by the Jones it is now measured by the Hilton's. We are trying to keep up with the unkeepable and the unattainable all with a PR driven image that bears no relevance to substance what-so-ever.
We want material items because we think that will give us substance. It's about the label and what the label represents and how it will represent us to those around us; what the perceived perception of us will be to the people we don't know and who we don't have the time to know.
We want to know what knowing and being associated with a person can do for us and gain us in the long run, yet we don't have time to really get to know anyone beyond that. People have, in a way, become the new label, the new perception.

We are more connected than ever, yet have never been more disconnected from those around us. There are days were I am starved for real and actual intellectual conversation. I'm tired of asking how someone is and only being answered with one word replies of "busy" or "tired." That's a status report that's not a conversation. What happened to adjectives, verbs, and nouns when having a conversation? When someone tells us something personal we label it as TMI, when really, it's not, we have simply become too distant, too busy, too lazy to care. We spend all day IM'ing in abbreviations and call it conversation.
People are looking for a quick fix and an instant result, yet they aren't willing to put the time and effort into it. We want someone else to "fix" us. What happened to spending time alone and thinking, spending some time alone in quiet? Quiet time without the stupid box on all the time? What has happened to connections and friendships and relationships and spending real time with someone? What is happening to all of us? We are constantly going, going, going...but where are we all headed?

Orwell, Big Brother, 1984, and today, what came first?

Over the weekend I watched the documentary, Orwell Rolls in his Grave. It was basically about the media and how government controlled the media is and the monopoly media has become in terms of who owns it and how the government controls it. Also, about how corrupt the government has become in terms of their dealings with other nations and within itself and how the media doesn't really report on these dealings. I highly recommend it and I also think I need to watch it about three more times to fully grasp all of it.

Anyway

Since the documentary referred to George Orwell and his novel, 1984 throughout the film and since the novel was written in 1949 I got to wondering about what comes first, the idea or the concept? What is planted first, the knowledge and the corruption or the idea of knowledge and corruption? In other words, did the book 1984 fuel the idea of Big Brother in terms of government and how and what they could control or was that idea always there to begin with and the book simply put it into written form for the masses to see and think about?

Now, I understand government has (in most cases) always wanted to control the masses, I get that. However, many of the things that Orwell writes about weren't possible and weren't even really realistic, such as TVs and cameras and monitors and such. I mean, I understand that they were around, but not in the forms that he writes, it was science-fiction.

So, what comes first, the idea, the concept, or the fact that a person needs to recognize the possibility for those things to be possible?

If you like Orwell I recommend reading this short essay: Shooting an Elephant It's only about four pages long, but it speaks volumes. It also deals with crowd mentality which I find fascinating.

Please, tell me yoru thoughts.

How to give a compliment without really trying

Looks will get a man interested.
Brains will keep a man interested.

I will always gladly take a compliment on my looks.
I much prefer a compliment on my brains.
If someone compliments my art or writing, even better.
If someone asks to see or read said art and writing, even better.

If a man is going to give a compliment, please, make it original.
Original in the delivery and original to me.

However, all and any compliments are always welcomed. Always. I will always say, thank you. I will never give an excuse for the compliment or to the compliment just given. I have learned how to accept a compliment. Gladly accept a compliment.

The best advice I can give a man on how to give a compliment?
Be interested.
Be an active listener.
Be a great communicator.
Be intelligent.
Be funny.
Always ask, "...and you?"

If he has all of those qualities then everything else is gravy.

inner dork: hodge-podge

Oh, I love a good dorking!

Did you know...

Some Eskimos have been known to use refrigerators to keep their food from freezing.
(Hmmm, I find that very perplexing for some reason.)

A typical double mattress contains as many as two million dust mites.
(Scratchy. Itchy. Is there a difference between being scratchy or itchy?)

Mixing Sani-Flush and Comet cleaners has been known to cause explosions.
(Do not attempt this tonight. ..and if you do, I know nothing about it. Actually, if you have video footage or photos of said explosion, please share.)

Ketchup is excellent for cleaning brass, especially tarnished or corroded brass.
(Oddly enough the consumption of french fries goes up 33% after a person uses this cleaning method.)

Ramses brand condom is named after the great Pharaoh Ramses II, who fathered more than 160 children.
(I think I'll stick with Trojans. Ramses condoms don't seem to prevent pregnancy very well.)

Four thousand people are injured by teapots every year.
(I guess they don't know the song, "I'm a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. I think if people sung this it would help prevent injuries.)

One hundred people chock on ballpoint pens every year.
(Okay, one questions: how? Are they demonstrating the gag reflex or what? I guess that's more like three questions, but whatever.)

Most toilets flush in E flat.
(Can anyone verify this? I wonder if a song can be written to the tune of toilets flushing. Anyone want to help me on this one?)

Four thousand Americans are injured by toilets every year.
(Again, how? Is it just Americans or are other countries more or less prone to toilet injuries?)

Eating chocolate was once considered a temptation of the devil.
(Hmm, call me a sinner. I sin a lot. I sin everyday after lunch. Yet, strangely enough I don't feel the least bit bad about that.)