Monday, February 19, 2007

some things I'm getting back to you on

I realized I haven't done a post about me in awhile and about what's going on. So, here's an update.
I told you all at the beginning of January that I would get back to you on a few things, here's the update:

I may have a problem: In regards to my drinking ability. After spending 10 hours, yes, 10 hours, drinking on Saturday and my only comment at the end of the night was, "I'm just tired. I know I wouldn't pass a sobriety test right now, but truly, I'm just tired." I may have a problem. Then again, my only problem may be the lack of hours in a day and the lack of funds in my checking account. I called Mr. London at 10:30 to see if he wanted to join us, he told me the next day that not only was my drinking ability impressive, but so was my speech. According to him it was remarkably clear. Cheers to me.

Master's degree: I am currently putting any future education goals on hold. The reason, I have absolutely no idea what the next few months let alone the next few years have in store for me. Therefore, I don't see the reason to apply to grad schools at the moment since I don't know where I will be living.

Where I will be living: This depends on a few things; one, my job and two, my job and three, my job. Depending on what happens there it will be the main factor on where I will be calling home. Don't be surprised if in three, six, or twelve months I tell you all I'm moving to Europe.

Job situation: Remember back in September when I was on cloud 22 in regards to my job and that they were creating a position for me? Well, yeah, it has yet to be finalized. I have yet to hear anything. I have no idea what my future has in store for me in terms of employment. No stress there. Nope. None.

Life in the next few months: I think (key word in there) that if a position is actually finalized for me, I will work here for another one to two years. I will payoff all of my debt and save some cash and then move overseas. If no position is created then I may be calling Europe home by the end of the summer. If that happens then I will be taking all of my debt that I can't payoff by working as many jobs as I can cram into 24 hours a day with me.

Debt: Surprise of the day: Turns out my student loans are coming due a few months sooner than I had anticipated. As in 4 months sooner. As in April. Another (key word there) part-time job isn't even possible right now as my last class starts next week...so....

Trip: I (almost) have my trip to Athens and Istanbul finalized. I am waiting for some fundage to come my way and I will be booking it. I had a thought about not going and paying off some credit cards, but dammit, I deserve this trip. I figured up last week, for my own shits and giggles, how many hours I was in school and at work for the past 2.5 years and here is a breakdown: work: 40 hours. School: 40 hours. Travel time: at least an hour a day driving to and from school= 5 or 10 hours depending on the campus. Sleep: 5-6 hours a night. Do the math and see how many hours that leaves a person a day and in a week to be able to have a life and function at all. So, yeah. I'm taking the trip. I deserve it. I will be leaving at the end of May and I will be gone for 10 days.

Signs, coincidences, and life smacking me in the face: London still comes up throughout my day numerous times. As in, at least 3-4 times a day. Now. I believe the universe absolutely sends us signals; however, I am still trying to figure out if this one is telling me I need to move there, travel there, or visit there. This one I will have to get back to you on.

Love life: There's no other way to put this: I am very much falling in love with Mr. London. My friends would say, "Falling, hell. You've done tripped, girl." He's leaving the middle of April to start the first of May. We're still friends and we hang-out and talk regularly. As much as I am thankful for our time together it is hard for me to be with him knowing he is leaving and also with my life so up in the air right now. I told him last night that I have been thinking of moving to Europe and that I fully expect to move there in x amount of time. He had a reaction, but not necessarily the reaction of: "That's awesome!" It was more like, "yeah, well, everyone else is doing it.."
Okay, those aren't even close to his words but.... So, I'll see. He's awesome. I love the feeling I have around him. I hate the unsuredness (I realize that's not a word, but it sums it up well.) and the emotions I am having. I've never....never....felt this way about anyone.
Anyone.
I kept focusing on, Why now; why meet right as he finds out he's leaving. Then I realized I need to focus on; hey, at least we met.
I have a couple other men vying for my attention, but here's the thing, they're not him. So.....

Timing: She's a tricky bitch.

Thesis: I met with my mentor on Saturday and I have an appointment to defend it Monday, 26th at 3:30 in the afternoon. God Fuck, do I hope that is the end of it. God fuck, do I hope I get an A.

Paintings and such: I've had a couple requests for paintings from a few of you. I would love to paint something for those who have requested one. I would also love payment. For any confusion on this, see the heading labeled: debt. Let me know if you're still interested and we can go from there.

Tai Chi, chess, belly dancing: The chess class was canceled (sad.) Belly dancing is hilarious and an amazing workout. Tai Chi: If everyone did this the world would be a much calmer place. I feel so damn relaxed afterwards. No, I mean, so. damn. relaxed. It's awesome and powerful. A result of the class has been that I no longer turn on the stupid box for the shear noise of it and I sit in quiet in my apartment as often as I can.

Emotions: Basically a roller-coaster. Because of a few of the things mentioned above I spent most of yesterday crying all day. All day. Simply couldn't stop. I feel like I haven't been in a good mood since December. I've simply had too many things that are uncertain and that I have no control over and I don't know the final outcome of those things. It can be too much for a Party Girl to take. However. I also have faith that they will all work out how they are supposed to.

11 comments:

Bre said...

Student loans are a bitch, and they only get worse. I'm currently kicking myself in the ass because of my (though wonderful) hugely expensive bachelor's degree. My best advice is to save every single cent you can for the next four months, cut back as far as you can on everything, and maybe you'll survive better than I am!! Good Luck!

Baron Ectar said...

I have found that sometimes if we just step back and breathe and chew a little at a time - it doesnt get to us so much - hang in there.

Solomon Kane said...

I wish my liver could still handle 10 hours of drinking...

limpy99 said...

I paid off most of my loans pretty quickly, (i.e., on time), but there are also a lot of things I didn't do because of that. So my advice is to go to Athens/Istanbul and not worry about it. The loan people will be here when you get back. Probably on your front doorstep. But you'll always have Athens. And the US no longer has debtor's prison.

Party Girl said...

bre: Sadly the student loan thing I've been through before as this isn't my first trip through college. However, in the past the bill was tiny and infact I even paid them all off before. This time, they are a BMW payment and they are on the 20 yr plan. Yikers.

baron: oh, I know. Breath, breath, breath...I'm getting there. Just needed a day of tears.

Solomon: I don't know that mine can actually handle it per se, more of a, it's going to take the beating whether it likes it or not.

limpy: If it kills me and I have to donate my damaged liver, kidneys, eggs I'm not using, and left boobie..I'm going.
I am so tired of living in the past-tense. I wish I could, I can't, I want to, I will when....no more of that, it's I am, I will, I have to, I'm going, see you, bye; from here on out.

ptg said...

oh, have a wonderful time on your vacation...that sounds heavenly! Having a monthly BMW payment myself (love grad school, love grad school...), I know where you're coming from.

TrappedInColorado said...

Don't write me off yet. You will have your pay. I always honor my commitments. Between now and mid March. I promise.

Will said...

Did I mention lately how much I'd like to taste your bath water? Just a thought...

GirlGoyle said...

Student loans suck. They are a plague. You sure do deserve the trip after all this. And belly dancing may come in handy in turkey. :) While the drinking (and hopefully eating) skill will sure come in handy in Greece. I hope you plan to head to the islands and not just Athens. I wasn't too impressed with Athens...then again, coming from Rome little does impress. Hang in there girl...the universe is a puzzle but sooner or later it is bound to fall into place.

Party Girl said...

ptg: awesome, isn't it?

Trapped: Oh, I haven't written it off. It's yours, taxes, a mess up with my checks, and something else...all payments and funds I am waiting on inorder to hit: booked! On the little trip button.

I will say this: If for some reason you aren't able to pay the funds, please, please, please..for the love of god, please, let me know ASAP. It truly is the difference between me going and me not going on my trip. And I would like to hit: booked, by the first week in March.

Will: Is there money involved? If so, drink up, baby. Drink up....and thanks for still adoring me. Kisses.

GG: Here is my plan for my trip, are you ready? I have no plan. Other than, so many days here and so many days there...no plan. No agenda. No schedule. You know why? Cause plans, shcedules, and agendas do not work out the way we plan and then we get upset. So,my plan is no plan. I do however intend to go off the beaten path and discover some places on my own. I am also hoping to make it into a few other countries and places as well. You know, since I'm there and all.
If anyone would like to join me, you'll save me $500 bucks.
Yep, that's the single supplement charge. It sucks. I tell ya, coming and going they get us single folk.

Student loans, don't ever get me on that soapbox.

I realized the universe has a way of making things happen and putting everything in its place. I am giving everything over to the universe and putting poisitve energy back out there.

Karl said...

Wow, you've got a lot going on, for sure. I'd love to live overseas again.