Monday, April 24, 2006

third dates

Has dating gotten harder as I've gotten older or have I just gotten pickier?

In my early twenties if I went out with someone three times we were going to be in a relationship together. Things were over-looked and I knew we were going to spend X amount of time together in the next year or so.

Now, if I get to the third date it's a miracle. I know by the third date if he's a keeper or not.

I am also typically having sex with said person long before the third date rolls around.

Friday was my third date with the New Mr. Possible.
We won't be seeing each other again.
I knew this pretty early into the date.
I was trying to make it through the date.
There were a few glimmers of hope in-between bites of food, like when he said he enjoys some pain ( really?) but no. I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. I knew this was the end.
I just needed to make it to the end of the incredibly fancy meal we were enjoying.

So, men, what is the least horrible way to tell someone you don't want to see them again?

I believe in being honest, but I don't think, "You wear too much stinky cologne, or as much as I love nerds, you're too geeky for me, or you refer to oral sex as,"oral stimulation," or because you don't like public displays of affection, or because we talk about the same thing each and every time we go out and talk on the phone. Or because I hate science-fiction and I can't listen to another conversation about it, or because you don't take your right as a registered voter seriously and that makes me want to jump on a soapbox.
So, any ideas?

Sunday was the date with the new Mr. Maybe. We didn't end up going out because of my schedule, but we did talk on the phone for almost five hours. Who knows. This one seems more possible and likely than the guy from Friday.

This is a conversation I had with my best friend, Billy in regards to the Friday night guy, before the date.

"So, have you slept with him, yet?"
"Yeah. I know. It's been two dates and we're going out on a third and no sex. I don't think he's had a lot of experience with girls. This is uncharted territory for me. I don't know what to do."
"Huh, wow. Yeah. No shit. You haven't slept with him? Boggles the mind."
"I thought I was just being mature, but now I don't think so."
"You said he's a big nerd?"
"I bet he has a big dick."
"You know, I thought about that. I bet it just unfurls."
Long pause.
Long pause with laughter.
"If he's a big nerd, I think you're just going to have to totally make the first move."
"Yeah, I don't have a problem with that. You know that. This is me we're talking about."
"Oh, yeah. Well, you can't be as agressive as you usually are. That'd be bad. You'd probably scar him."
"And there in lies my dilemma."

Day after the third date.

"I'm not going to see him again." (I list off all the reasons.)
"Oh, man, I wanted to know all about the unfurled dick."
"Yeah. I know. But, man, I can't see him again. The kiss was a sweet, tender kiss."
"Oh. Oh, that's not good. That's the kiss of death for you. That's bad."
"And there in lies the problem."
"Man, I wanted to know about his big nerdy dick."
"It ain't gonna happen. Let it go."


Will said...

Be direct without going into a laundry list of things that are wrong with him, because, actually, there is nothing wrong "with him". He just isn't right for you.

I'm sure there's some nerd-lovin lame-ass chick that's dying to unfurl (puke), but it ain't you. So move on, leave no doubt, and yell "Next!"

Joefish said...

Dammit. I wanted to know about his big nerdy dick too.

You could always give him a vague semi-bullshit excuse. Something like, "I just don't think we're working out. I really like you, but... you know... there's no spark. We don't click. I really wanted to blog about your big nerdy dick, but we just don't have any chemistry."

"Oh, also, I fucking hate you."

Mikey said...

At least your dating, I'm afraid to date right now.

Party Girl said...

Will: Yep, it's not him, it's he and I together. No spark on my part.
Hey, I'm a poet...

Joe: wait, do I hate him or do you hate me? So confused.

Mikey: You'll find the right guy and just attack him. It will be soon. It's spring after all. Love is in the air.
No wait, that's sex.

GirlGoyle said...

hahaha! This was just so funny. Would've been interesting to read about the unfurling nerdy dick tho. No doubt about it. Guess I'll have to join the ranks of Billy and just "let it go". LMAO!

wavslidn said...

I say you should call him up, meet him, and just start mollesting him. See what happens. You are a sexual person and you need to know what this guy is like. Great sex can make up for a lot - at least for a little while. Besides, if you dump him after getting him off, I am sure he won't mind as much.

You must unfurl his big, nerdy dick - for the sake of the blog!

Joefish said...

Uh, that was you hating him.

Party Girl said...

joefish: thank god! I couldn't have a hater hating me...wait is that redundant?

JJ said...

Straight forward is always the best. This isn't working for me, I'm sleeping with your brother, I don't want to see you anymore.