Thursday, October 05, 2006

deal breakers

I got to thinking today about deal breakers and compromises. What would you be willing to give up if you met the man, woman, tranny of your dreams that was all that, then some, and a little bit more?
Those things that make you happy, all those little things that eventually add up to the big things that you like in a person, in your life, in a relationship; what would you be willing to compromise on, give up, in order to keep that man, woman, he/she that is the dog's pajamas, the cat's tuxedo, and the milk bone of your world?

So, let's talk deal breakers.

Me? I can't stand cigarette smoke, mostly because it makes me sick. Pot smoke on the other hand I'm okay with. Oh look, a joint.

I like my alcohol and I can't imagine dating someone who didn't have an occasional drink. Yet, I am strangely amazed when I down a few cocktails and my companion doesn't.

I need someone who is open and honest in all aspects of their life, so someone who said, "I don't want to talk about it," or was always shut down or extremely walled up when questions and conversations are happening, well, it's not going to go well between us.

Sex, please, be open and tell me what you like and want. I will do the same. I like anal sex, I like my ass to played with. Someone who isn't going to want to smack, play with, grab or occassionally fuck me, well, eventually that's going to get old.

Chewing with your mouth open.....


I'm thinking too big.

Let's think smaller.

Unibrows. I will eventually become cross-eyed from looking at it and wonder why the hell your not aware of it. Same with nose hair. And comb-overs. I mean, really, have you not heard the comments and jokes about these things??? Please, tweeze, pluck, plow, shave and generally take care of these things.

Someone who isn't a good kisser.
Kissing is very important to me. Essential, really. Yeah. There is something about two pairs of compatable lips coming together for the soft, hard, passionate, breathing in sync, tongues mingling, not too wet, yet not dry, warm taste of each other mixed together that is so.damn.perfect. (She types as her fingers unconsciously touch her mouth and her fingernails go across her lips....)

Someone who doesn't think birthdays are a big deal.

Someone who doesn't get excited about the small things. The really, really, really small things that make life, life. A beautiful full moon. The way something smells. A great song on the radio. A really good book. How something feels.

Someone who doesn't make me laugh.
Christ. You know where I would be without the ability to laugh? In Happydale Insane Asylum waiting for my nex telectric shock therapy treatment.

Someone who can't or doesn't want to talk on the phone for hours at a time. Sure seeing each other is best, but sometimes, with life being life, that isn't possible.

Someone who doesn't have a nice voice. I realize a person can't really control this one, but if I have to spend the rest of my life listening to a person I want to be able to listen to the words coming out of their mouth without thinking, "shut up! shut up! shut up!"

Someone who doesn't like pets. I prefer dogs to cats, but hey, as long as you like one, were good.

Someone who doesn't say, "bless you" when I sneeze. Remember I sneeze on average five times in a row. I could go at anytime. I need to be blessed.

Someone who complains. All.the.damn.time. Here, here's the pot, piss already.

Someone who doesn't say, "...and you?" That's a biggie. A hugey, actually.

Yeah, it would never work.

Hmm, I seem to have gotten stuck on all the kinda big things, well, those are essential to me that would eventually ware on me and the dog's tuxedo who started out as the milk bone of my world would eventually turn out to be another crumb in the annals of my dating world.

So, what about you? What would your deal breakers be?


wavslidn said...

I love your honesty - it is so attractive.

Ok, let me see what I can come up with. Deal breakers would be:
*being an idiot - she does not have to be in Mensa, but I have to be able to have an interesting conversation with her
*does not like a sense of humor - I joke a lot (I am told I am pretty funny) and she has to enjoy someone who likes to joke
*never makes decisions - I cant stand asking "what do you feel like doing?" and always hear "whatever you want to do". I know that some people like making all the decisions all the time or having them made for them all the time, but that is something I like to share. I enjoy doing what I like (of course) but making sure she is kept happy by listening to her and knowing what's going on with her is very important to me. I must have a woman who can tell me what she wants. PG saying she likes anal really perks my interest. A woman telling me what she likes in bed (or wherever) and how she likes it just makes the sex that much better. (Yes PG, I would gladly help you with that)
*poor communication skills - if we can't communicate it will only lead to problems (that kind of ties in to the previous)
*poor self image and appearance - I need a women that is not afraid to show what she has. She does not need to be a model or anything like that, but at least take care of herself enough that she is cool with her appearance. I love a chic who can just through on a ball cap if we need to run out instead of making sure her hair is just right. If she is attractive and in shape, it can make the sex that much more fun

How's that?

Party Girl said...

Honesty: the best aphrodisiac there is.

Conversation: biggest mind fuck there is for me.

Humor: Is a must. I am the jokester, the class clown. Laughter is my crack. I need it, it's a requirement.

Decisions: Yep. Pick one. Make a has often come out of my mouth. Choose, damnit!

Poor communication skills: Nothing will last, misunderstanding will happen far to frequently, anger and resentment will soon follow.

Poor self-image: If someone doesn't feel good about themselves and has self-esteem issues it will carry over into all (ALL) aspects of their life.
The hottest man (or woman) on the planet will fall to pieces in my eyes if they are constantly putting themself down or worring about what others think about them. (Or constantly pull or tug on their clothes.) Size, shape, looks, sure they matter, but in the long run do they? No, not really. It's the package, the whole package that I am after.

I'm vain, I like to look good. However, as I've said before, I get up somewhere between 6:19 and 6:30 in the morning to be at work at 7:30. Obviously I have the routine down to a science. Obviously a person can look good and put together without spending hours doing so.
I love my heels, skirts, and cleveage baring tops. However, I like my flip-flops, t-shirts, and pony-tails just as much. (sometimes more.)

wavslidn said...

That works for me!

TrappedInColorado said...

Smoking... he says while he sits here typing thinking about the sexy lady he went out with last night who smoked...

Poor hygene - please...

Bad teeth - sorry, I guess this can be categorized as shallow but fuck it.

Does not like anal.

Does not like deep passionate kisses in an alley on the way to the theatre.

Never says my name. This is one I never hear from other people but I like my name being spoken by a lover.

No sense of humor.

That's the ones I can think of..

Party Girl said...

You hit on two of the biggest for me and I completely forgot about.

Teeth. I am a teeth, lips, and eyebrow person. (Hey, some people are into arms, legs, asses, I'm into nice lips, teeth, and eyebrows.)

men who don't say my name. AGH!!!! I hate it. And I don't mean during sex, I mean, ever! Drives me crazy. Plus, I often wonder what's behind it. Can't say, can't remember it, dating too many other people and don't want to call me the wrong one, spell it, what?

Another one. Terms of endearment that I can't stand. I know, I know. I should be happy they have a cute nickname of something affectionate to call me, but I don't like two that are immediately coming to mind.

Darlin' crawls.

Bad association.


Truly, pick any others and it's good.

...and what about this sexy lady from last night? How'd it go??

TrappedInColorado said...

That is what I meant about saying my name... anytime.. not just during sex...

Terms of endearment.. I agree .. I despise "hun" and "sweety"...

The sexy girl from last night...well.. she is genteel (born raised in the South..), sexy, said something no one ever said to me before .. we were eating a a very nice restaurant before the performance (The Lion King)..on the patio of a beautiful Colorado fall evening.. and she said - "You are making this an evening..." it was sweet and intimate at the same time though we are not at anything other than the friendship level.. I did not know she smoked even though we were out before...sooooo.. it will not go anywhere... too bad..

wavslidn said...

Trapped, you reminded me of another one (and I am just like PG) - seeing a cigarette come up to her mouth is a deal ender! I can not stand cigarette smoke. Pot smoke is fine - it makes things a little more fun. There is something kind of sexy about a chic who smokes cigars, I dont know for sure what it is.

Glad that you were able to enjoy the beauty of a nice Southern girl (except for the smoking). A Southerner is a plus for me as long as there is not an overwhelming accent - it is like nails on a chalkboard to me. I enjoy a little bit of an accent.

Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

Alright then: protruberant nose hair, casual conversation about bowel habits, a heinous laugh and no sense of humor, overt vanity and stupidity, eagerness to be one with the in-crowd (if you're up-to-the-minute on Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Survivor, American Idol or The OC it ain't gonna happen) someone who doesn't read,someone who thinks Led Zeppelin is a guy, if you're into hip hop you can hop on outta here, same goes for you finding Will Ferrel, Vince Vaughn or Ben Stiller to be cut of the cloth of comedic genius.

there are more, cultivated over time and observation. If you care to, I'd love to go over them with you when I tackle your profile.

puerileuwaite said...

When she claims she doesn't have change for a twenty, and you know DAMN WELL that she does.

Party Girl said...

Trapped: sorry about the sexy smoke breath girl.

Waves: Accents are nice. Yeah.....(drifts off into a daydream)

Tom:Soooooooooo, basically stupidity. You don't like stupid girls.
Have I mentioned by IQ of 142? Yet, my penchant for adorable spaceiness?

P: I know. Why can't they just wear a change belt around their waists? It would save so much time.
Not to mention the convience factor.

...okay a few more:

I agree with Tom, a bad laugh. That one ties in with the annoying voice.


Someone who doesn't like to give or receive oral. Boo, hiss. SO, not going to last. At all, no reason to even say hello or how you do.

Wears too much cologne. (gag, cough, chock. Seriously, a little goes a long, long way.)

Talks bad about his mother. Not a good sign. If he calls his mother a bitch, well chances are I will be called on sooner or later and probably for no reason at all.

A bad temper. not going to happen.

Yeah, him. said...

With the X, the deal breaker was Christmas morning. I was feeling all festive and happy and wonderful and started singing stupid Christmas carols to be stupid and festive and I was shooshed. I wanted to deport her at the given moment, but it's taboo to break up on Christmas. Things were never the same after that moment - then again, she had a lot of other issues too.

The whole not intelligent thing didn't help either. Love of learning and stupid trivia and a desire to keep up with the news is a given, but then again, so is basic spelling. I got 1 lurve letter and that was filled with words not spelled correctly.

You don't have to use big words, just know the ones you're using.

A mutual like of the same sexual things...

Not being willing to give backrubs...

Not liking the same type of music...

And not being willing to give backrubs... this is the biggie.

Party Girl said...

Yeah, him: An ex 'shooshed' me once. Key word in there.
It was a completely unconscious moment. I was yammering on about something, he was watching TV and 'shooshed' me. Pause. Laughter. Became an inside joke.
However, if it was said seriously it would have been a problem.

Lack of backrubs. I'm with you. My back is my spot, please pay attention to it. Often. Frequently.

Lack of touch in general. No hand holding, no PDA's, no out-of-nowhere- arm, back, neck, arm, body touches. Just place your hand there, rub for a few seconds to recognize me, to tell me you means so, so, SO much to a human being. Touch and to feel connected to another person.


Party Girl said...

Yeah, him: Oh, I think I've got the love of learning and stupid trivia thing covered.

..Of course I think I may have the spelling one covered also.....poop.

GirlGoyle said...

LMAooooo on the unibrow but I think I have to agree on most of them. Though I'd have to add; a person that doesn't understand that sometimes I need my space, my down time, my peace. I don't do clingy very well. Oh...and while we are trimming, shaving and cutting "up there" can we please please please not forget to groom elsewhere! Geez.

GirlGoyle said...

And...I forgot...rudeness and lack of consideration. Those men who like to generalize about women and are all up into their chauvinistic shallow worlds. Remember...I can "out-whatever" you at any time. And it will be a cold day in hell when I allow a man to tell me to go "F" myself and mean it.

Karl said...

Wow, sooooo behind on blogreading. I just wanted to pop in here and say you continue to amaze and turn me on. You're certainly in my list of Top Five Best Catches and I'd slap your ass any day of the week, baby! ;)

Party Girl said...

GG: excellent addition and I agree.

Karl: Color me flattered!!!! Top five best catches?!?!?!?!....Can I get that on a billboard? Something tells me my stock would raise considerably!