*I want the word "like" to be listed as a profane word. I want it to be banned in all conversation. I want people to be fined if they repeat it more than five times within a sentence. I want a ruler to be provided in my hand, at all times, for me to whack someone upside the head when they repeat the word to the point that I have no idea what their original point was.
I don't want the four-letter word to be allowed into basic and decent conversation. If the word "like" it uttered as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun, preposition, comma, semi-colon, or a period I want to be allowed to tell the offensive person to shut the hell up and get out of my face.
I want "like" to go back to meaning a feeling. As in, "I really like the new flavor of K-Y Jelly." Not as in, "Like, that new, like, flavor of like, K-Y, like, Jelly? Yeah, I like really like that."
Oh. And up-talking. I want that banned also. Where a person ends everything as a question, or on an "up" note. As in, "Yeah, like, that new K-Y Jelly is like, awesome? I would really like some of that tonight? I would love it if that was by my bedside and rubbed all over when I get home from dinner tonight?
Yeah, I want all of the above rules to apply to them as well.
*This post is a direct result of an actual conversation I had with someone inquiring about a job. Blame them for my frustration.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
why not make it a four person party?
The other day I got to thinkin'. Yep, that tremble you felt during the mid-day, that was me having a thought.
With 36 people vying for the Dem's and 48 people vying for the Rep's not to mention all of the independents who are all wishing, hoping, and praying to become the new stupid in the big house, why not make the race a little more interesting, the conversations better, and most importantly allowing those of us who care, a second choice on the ticket? Instead of one person from each party to choose from in terms of a president come election time, why not have two people from each side to choose from, thus a four party candidate ticket?
Instead of having a debate with only two candidates, why not have a debate with four candidates? Sure the TV ads would be over-whelming, the bs would be deeper than ever, but I also think it would make the candidates work harder for we, the people.
Also, instead of simply giving us 5-second sound bites perhaps...and I know this is crazy, but perhaps there might actually be something worth listening to and talking about. Maybe, again, just a thought, with more choices come election day people would actually get off their tookes and go vote.
Choice, choice is always good.
So, whatchya think? Brilliant, I know.
With 36 people vying for the Dem's and 48 people vying for the Rep's not to mention all of the independents who are all wishing, hoping, and praying to become the new stupid in the big house, why not make the race a little more interesting, the conversations better, and most importantly allowing those of us who care, a second choice on the ticket? Instead of one person from each party to choose from in terms of a president come election time, why not have two people from each side to choose from, thus a four party candidate ticket?
Instead of having a debate with only two candidates, why not have a debate with four candidates? Sure the TV ads would be over-whelming, the bs would be deeper than ever, but I also think it would make the candidates work harder for we, the people.
Also, instead of simply giving us 5-second sound bites perhaps...and I know this is crazy, but perhaps there might actually be something worth listening to and talking about. Maybe, again, just a thought, with more choices come election day people would actually get off their tookes and go vote.
Choice, choice is always good.
So, whatchya think? Brilliant, I know.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Cause it's Monday and we could all use a laugh today: Comedian Mitch Hedberg
| One of comedian Mitch Hedberg's last televised stand ups. Enjoy. You're Welcome | |
Sunday, January 28, 2007
the latest from the inner artist
It is entitled, "Falling Leaves"
The colors are: gold, orange, brown, and deep red.
This is a close up of the painting.
The latest snowfall
The colors are: gold, orange, brown, and deep red.
This is a close up of the painting.
The latest snowfall
Thursday, January 25, 2007
everyone knows my name
My job has many different qualifications.
However, besides being just an all around remarkable person; it also requires me to be a few other things that are not listed under my job duties.
Psychologist, counselor, bartender, confidant, as I do a lot of listening, and shaking of my head and giving a sympathetic look of understanding. Social butterfly, because I need to check on all of my customers and make sure they are okay. And the latest, and by far the most popular one: back-rubber, ala, massage therapist, to make all of the tension and stress disappear.
I've been told I need to give up the English career and become a personal masseuse. You know, and get paid for it in other ways, like with actual money and stuff.
I just put two people, simultaneously, one male and one female, into moans, groans, and comas. In full view of everyone else. I made it clear that they couldn't file a sexual harassment claim, they asked for it. I was happy to give it. Of course I have slight crushes on both of these people so now I could use a massage, but you know, whatever.
However, besides being just an all around remarkable person; it also requires me to be a few other things that are not listed under my job duties.
Psychologist, counselor, bartender, confidant, as I do a lot of listening, and shaking of my head and giving a sympathetic look of understanding. Social butterfly, because I need to check on all of my customers and make sure they are okay. And the latest, and by far the most popular one: back-rubber, ala, massage therapist, to make all of the tension and stress disappear.
I've been told I need to give up the English career and become a personal masseuse. You know, and get paid for it in other ways, like with actual money and stuff.
I just put two people, simultaneously, one male and one female, into moans, groans, and comas. In full view of everyone else. I made it clear that they couldn't file a sexual harassment claim, they asked for it. I was happy to give it. Of course I have slight crushes on both of these people so now I could use a massage, but you know, whatever.
inner dork: hodge-podge
I'm getting to be a fan of the "hodge-podge" inner dorks. So many useless facts, so little time to blog.
Did you know...
Playing cards in India are round.
(I wonder if that makes them easier or harder to organize and hold?)
The Nine of Hearts is considered the symbol of love.
(That's why I am always empty handed.)
The Ace of Spades symbolizes death.
(I suddenly have a Motorhead song in my head.)
It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a Breathalyzer to read zero.
(Not true. But chewing gum with make you blow less of a reading. Courtesy of a cop. You're welcome. Also why I always have gum when I leave the bar. And for fresh kissable breath, of course.)
Colgate (as in the toothpaste) translates into the command "go hang yourself" in Spanish.
(Useful after a rough night and you wake up to that, "who are you?" person lying next to you.)
More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.
(Mine is currently pink)
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.
(Talk about a head stone.)
(Neck pain.)
(Stone head.)
(Yep, that's all I've got.)
Los Angeles's full name is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula.
(Yeah. L.A. just seems so much easier to say.)
There is a resort town in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences.
(I'll pick Truth for $500, Alex.)
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
(Wow. Now there's pressure.)
(I'm just picturing a female ferret running to all the male ferret's favorite water holes, panic written all over her face and saying, "please, please, mate with me!!!! If you don't I'll die" I think this is the equivalant of the male solider leaving for war. "This may be my last chance to ever have sex...")
The leech has thirty-two brains.
(Seriously, why? Does it really have that much to think about? Suck or die. Suck or die. I would think that would pretty much cover all of the basis right there.)
Thank you and good night!
Did you know...
Playing cards in India are round.
(I wonder if that makes them easier or harder to organize and hold?)
The Nine of Hearts is considered the symbol of love.
(That's why I am always empty handed.)
The Ace of Spades symbolizes death.
(I suddenly have a Motorhead song in my head.)
It's rumored that sucking on a copper penny will cause a Breathalyzer to read zero.
(Not true. But chewing gum with make you blow less of a reading. Courtesy of a cop. You're welcome. Also why I always have gum when I leave the bar. And for fresh kissable breath, of course.)
Colgate (as in the toothpaste) translates into the command "go hang yourself" in Spanish.
(Useful after a rough night and you wake up to that, "who are you?" person lying next to you.)
More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.
(Mine is currently pink)
Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone.
(Talk about a head stone.)
(Neck pain.)
(Stone head.)
(Yep, that's all I've got.)
Los Angeles's full name is: El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula.
(Yeah. L.A. just seems so much easier to say.)
There is a resort town in New Mexico called Truth or Consequences.
(I'll pick Truth for $500, Alex.)
A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
(Wow. Now there's pressure.)
(I'm just picturing a female ferret running to all the male ferret's favorite water holes, panic written all over her face and saying, "please, please, mate with me!!!! If you don't I'll die" I think this is the equivalant of the male solider leaving for war. "This may be my last chance to ever have sex...")
The leech has thirty-two brains.
(Seriously, why? Does it really have that much to think about? Suck or die. Suck or die. I would think that would pretty much cover all of the basis right there.)
Thank you and good night!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
just askin': all of life's little coincidences
Have you ever noticed that when something happens either in a good or bad way, or when you're not sure about something, it somehow just keeps appearing and coming up over and over again?
For example: When I was trying to decide on a career change; I received a wrong number at my office and a new career opportunity literally landed in my lap. The new opportunity was exactly what I was pondering over. Ta dah!
I wasn't sure if I should try to go to Greece and Italy for a graduation present to myself. Every freakin' travel program, history program, and travel magazine I came across was about Greece and Italy. Okay, got it.
A person I'm thinking about suddenly calls or emails, seemingly out of nowhere.
Life is trying to tell me something, but I'm too busy to hear the message. So life throws me in a wheelchair for 13 weeks to quiet me down. I am finally quiet enough to listen. (Okay, so that one was really specific to me...but whatev.)
I meet someone and they take a job in London.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the word "London" since that decision. (Every freakin' day, several times a day, would be how many. But who am I to count and be specific?) Mere minutes ago would be another example of that specific time. A former instructor of mine, a favorite former instructor, is doing a semester abroad...in London. When it was announced that she would be the one in charge, she asked me if I could go as it is a select number of people who are chosen. I can't because I have to work, last semester was supposed to be my last semester, and that all important fundage. She just walked by and I stopped her and I heard all about it. The semester abroad in London. How she wishes I could go. And here I am in vapor of green smoke known as jealousy. And there is that word, that place again. London. Oh well. It wouldn't have worked out anyway as I didn't graduate and I would be in London when my last class starts. But still. Poop. Poop stain poop.
So, do you notice these things too? When there is something looming over you. Some unanswered question, some sort of glitch in your life, do you notice all of the signs? All of the words that somehow keep popping up? Or do the words and signs keep popping up because we are simply more aware of them, but they really have nothing to do with each other?
For example: When I was trying to decide on a career change; I received a wrong number at my office and a new career opportunity literally landed in my lap. The new opportunity was exactly what I was pondering over. Ta dah!
I wasn't sure if I should try to go to Greece and Italy for a graduation present to myself. Every freakin' travel program, history program, and travel magazine I came across was about Greece and Italy. Okay, got it.
A person I'm thinking about suddenly calls or emails, seemingly out of nowhere.
Life is trying to tell me something, but I'm too busy to hear the message. So life throws me in a wheelchair for 13 weeks to quiet me down. I am finally quiet enough to listen. (Okay, so that one was really specific to me...but whatev.)
I meet someone and they take a job in London.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard the word "London" since that decision. (Every freakin' day, several times a day, would be how many. But who am I to count and be specific?) Mere minutes ago would be another example of that specific time. A former instructor of mine, a favorite former instructor, is doing a semester abroad...in London. When it was announced that she would be the one in charge, she asked me if I could go as it is a select number of people who are chosen. I can't because I have to work, last semester was supposed to be my last semester, and that all important fundage. She just walked by and I stopped her and I heard all about it. The semester abroad in London. How she wishes I could go. And here I am in vapor of green smoke known as jealousy. And there is that word, that place again. London. Oh well. It wouldn't have worked out anyway as I didn't graduate and I would be in London when my last class starts. But still. Poop. Poop stain poop.
So, do you notice these things too? When there is something looming over you. Some unanswered question, some sort of glitch in your life, do you notice all of the signs? All of the words that somehow keep popping up? Or do the words and signs keep popping up because we are simply more aware of them, but they really have nothing to do with each other?
Monday, January 22, 2007
dirty naughty times
Several years ago I had a fabulously naughty little one night stand. I met Mr. One Night at an after hours party and then continued the party on our own late into the next morning. The night was conducted at the apartment of Mr. One Nights best friend, more specifically on the best friends bed. The best friend and Billy had left the apartment to go do their own little getaway. It took about .001 of a second between the door closing behind Billy and the best friend to the Mr. One Night and I going at each other. Cause, I'm just like that.
An hour or so later the door opened. It was an efficiency apartment so that would be the door to the living room, bedroom, main door, entryway that was being opened. The best friend said something to the effect of, "WHOA!" when he saw the shadow of me with my ankles wrapped around my head and quickly went out the door to wait in the hallway...so we could finish. Cause he was polite like that. For the next several minutes I heard Billy yelling, "Have you cum, yet!!!" "Jesus, aren't you finished" and "Hurry the hell up!" all being screamed at me from the hallway of the apartment building. Cause Billy is like that. To which I replied with, "Yes, I've already cum and no I'm not finished and if you'd shut the hell up I could cum again!!"..all said with love and tenderness and a slight accent of drunk.
So, we finished, and I beckoned Billy and the best friend back into the apartment and as the sun was rising, I went home.
Several years later:
I'm conducting an interview and who should be sitting across the table from me? The best friend, a.k.a the guy whose bed I had sex on and who saw me in the most compromising of positions. You know, the one where my ankles were behind my head. I'm conducting the interview as I would any other, but all I can think of is: you've seen me naked. You've seen me naked. All the while wondering if he was thinking: I've seen you naked, I've seen you naked. You had sex on my bed. See, I couldn't pick the guy who I had the one night with out of a one person line-up, but the best friend, well, he pops into my life randomly every couple of years starting about 15 years ago, to today. I never know if he remembers me and since I never know if he remembers me I do the polite thing and pretend I don't know him.
So, I did the only thing any respectable party girl would do, I hired him. So, I will wonder if he remembers me and is picturing me with my ankles behind my head every time I see him, which is every single day.
An hour or so later the door opened. It was an efficiency apartment so that would be the door to the living room, bedroom, main door, entryway that was being opened. The best friend said something to the effect of, "WHOA!" when he saw the shadow of me with my ankles wrapped around my head and quickly went out the door to wait in the hallway...so we could finish. Cause he was polite like that. For the next several minutes I heard Billy yelling, "Have you cum, yet!!!" "Jesus, aren't you finished" and "Hurry the hell up!" all being screamed at me from the hallway of the apartment building. Cause Billy is like that. To which I replied with, "Yes, I've already cum and no I'm not finished and if you'd shut the hell up I could cum again!!"..all said with love and tenderness and a slight accent of drunk.
So, we finished, and I beckoned Billy and the best friend back into the apartment and as the sun was rising, I went home.
Several years later:
I'm conducting an interview and who should be sitting across the table from me? The best friend, a.k.a the guy whose bed I had sex on and who saw me in the most compromising of positions. You know, the one where my ankles were behind my head. I'm conducting the interview as I would any other, but all I can think of is: you've seen me naked. You've seen me naked. All the while wondering if he was thinking: I've seen you naked, I've seen you naked. You had sex on my bed. See, I couldn't pick the guy who I had the one night with out of a one person line-up, but the best friend, well, he pops into my life randomly every couple of years starting about 15 years ago, to today. I never know if he remembers me and since I never know if he remembers me I do the polite thing and pretend I don't know him.
So, I did the only thing any respectable party girl would do, I hired him. So, I will wonder if he remembers me and is picturing me with my ankles behind my head every time I see him, which is every single day.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
my inner artist
Okay, so understand that trying to take a picture of a painting things are lost in the translation. Plus, a picture of a painting is kind of an oxy moron.
I adore this painting. Black background with deep purple and red swirls surrounded by white.
I didn't like the fact that I couldn't get the colors perfect, the way I wanted them to be. Then I realized love isn't perfect, therefore a painting called love shouldn't be perfect. The colors are much brighter in person.
I had a completely different idea for this painting. However, I'm happy with it. The background is a dark blue, the circles are silver the white swirls around black lines.
Trapped: This was going to be yours. The new one will be the same colors, different theme. Gold background with a mixture of burnt amber, bright red, and gold mixed together to make the circles and lines.
I adore this painting. Black background with deep purple and red swirls surrounded by white.
I didn't like the fact that I couldn't get the colors perfect, the way I wanted them to be. Then I realized love isn't perfect, therefore a painting called love shouldn't be perfect. The colors are much brighter in person.
I had a completely different idea for this painting. However, I'm happy with it. The background is a dark blue, the circles are silver the white swirls around black lines.
Trapped: This was going to be yours. The new one will be the same colors, different theme. Gold background with a mixture of burnt amber, bright red, and gold mixed together to make the circles and lines.
Friday, January 19, 2007
the one question I will never answer
I will answer anything. I will never voluntarily give out information, but I will honestly always answer anything. Anything except one question. I will not answer this question because it is too subjective. I also will never answer this question because there is no right answer, the question has only the possibilty for wrong answers. The answer is also no ones business.
The question, how many people have I slept with?
See, here's the thing. First, who the hell cares. Second, there is no right answer. Third, too subjective.
Here's what I mean by the subjective part. Say I answer, ten. OKay, there is an immediate reaction to that. Why only ten? Really, ten? Jesus, you've slept with ten guys? Crap!
See...
The same is true for 30, 18, 60, 303, 12, 88, 22, 48, 77, 105, 1001, 98, 16, 26, 518, 202, 34, 6077. And on and on.
What might seem like a lot to you may be a weekend for me and vice versa. Also, and I could be wrong about this, let me know if I am, but if, by chance, a guy does know my number and mine is higher than his then doesn't it just go into a whole, Chasing Amy, thing? You know, I have more experience, can't satisfy me, I'll know more...blah bullcrap?
Plus, it's just a dumb question.
and why does it matter?
and who cares?
I've had guy friends who have told me they would never date a woman who has been with more than five guys. To which I reply with a laugh and say, good luck with that. I then finish it with a, and how many girls have you slept with? Guessin' more than five. Hypocrite.
But, it's also been pointed out to me, that yes, all of those are valid points, but by not answering the question I am actually putting more into the person's head. Like, Shit. She's slept with a lot of people and she isn't comfortable answering and she feels all guilty about her number.....
Yeah.
That's too much thinking. But, am I? Am I putting that out there?
Not that it matters.
It's a dumb question.
and why does it matter?
and who cares?
Cause I'm not answering.
However, feel free to ask me anything else.
The question, how many people have I slept with?
See, here's the thing. First, who the hell cares. Second, there is no right answer. Third, too subjective.
Here's what I mean by the subjective part. Say I answer, ten. OKay, there is an immediate reaction to that. Why only ten? Really, ten? Jesus, you've slept with ten guys? Crap!
See...
The same is true for 30, 18, 60, 303, 12, 88, 22, 48, 77, 105, 1001, 98, 16, 26, 518, 202, 34, 6077. And on and on.
What might seem like a lot to you may be a weekend for me and vice versa. Also, and I could be wrong about this, let me know if I am, but if, by chance, a guy does know my number and mine is higher than his then doesn't it just go into a whole, Chasing Amy, thing? You know, I have more experience, can't satisfy me, I'll know more...blah bullcrap?
Plus, it's just a dumb question.
and why does it matter?
and who cares?
I've had guy friends who have told me they would never date a woman who has been with more than five guys. To which I reply with a laugh and say, good luck with that. I then finish it with a, and how many girls have you slept with? Guessin' more than five. Hypocrite.
But, it's also been pointed out to me, that yes, all of those are valid points, but by not answering the question I am actually putting more into the person's head. Like, Shit. She's slept with a lot of people and she isn't comfortable answering and she feels all guilty about her number.....
Yeah.
That's too much thinking. But, am I? Am I putting that out there?
Not that it matters.
It's a dumb question.
and why does it matter?
and who cares?
Cause I'm not answering.
However, feel free to ask me anything else.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
one ringy dingy. two ringy dingy
Question, does the time of day a man calls a woman determine what kind of relationship they have? Say, friendship, dating, realtionship status, booty call.
Does calling at 6:00 p.m. versus 7:30 p.m. mean one thing and calling at 9:00 p.m. or 11:00 p.m. mean something else? And gee, what could calling at 2 a.m. mean? That one is a thinker.
I'm asking because the time of day I call absolutely means something. But, I'll explain that later. I don't want to influence any thinking or answers. Because I know y'all be really thinking heavily on this one. Oh, I kill me.
Thanks.
Does calling at 6:00 p.m. versus 7:30 p.m. mean one thing and calling at 9:00 p.m. or 11:00 p.m. mean something else? And gee, what could calling at 2 a.m. mean? That one is a thinker.
I'm asking because the time of day I call absolutely means something. But, I'll explain that later. I don't want to influence any thinking or answers. Because I know y'all be really thinking heavily on this one. Oh, I kill me.
Thanks.
inner dork: oh, deer
Yeah, enjoy this.
Did you know...
Deer cannot eat hay.
Deer do like to eat marijuana.
(Yeah, but the real question is, do they like the special brownies?)
Reindeer have scent glands between their hind toes. The glands help leave a scent on the trails for the herds to follow. Researches say the odor smells cheesy.
(Like what kind of cheese? Does it smell like a nice smoked gouda, or more of a Wisconsin cheddar?)
Did you know...
Deer cannot eat hay.
Deer do like to eat marijuana.
(Yeah, but the real question is, do they like the special brownies?)
Reindeer have scent glands between their hind toes. The glands help leave a scent on the trails for the herds to follow. Researches say the odor smells cheesy.
(Like what kind of cheese? Does it smell like a nice smoked gouda, or more of a Wisconsin cheddar?)
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
what I meant to say was...
Okay, so perhaps I was a bit vague in my last post. Please, forgive me.
One day during my break I was doing my favorite activity, which doesn't require a second person, or any hand movement on my part, which is sitting in Barnes and Noble.
Sitting in B&N with a lap full of books holding a hot latte sitting in an big comfy chair enjoying the quite comfort of a cold winter day. I find it incredibly comforting holding a hot beverage in my hand, blowing into the hot steaming liquid waiting for it to become the right temperature. Those quite times that International Coffee promotes as those moments of our lives, that was the kind of afternoon I was having. With my beverage in my right hand and a pile of books in my lap I have a realization that this year, this time in my life, was just starting to get interesting.
Not that my life has been dull-drum up to this point. Quite the contrary. As OMC pointed out, whose life have I been blogging about this whole time and who wants a refund? No, it's more about being more mature (sorry), being comfortable in my own skin and with myself more than I ever have been. About being truly happy, being (almost) finished with school and having a life again. (Although, for someone who spent 40+ hours working in addition to being in school 20-25 hours a week, I still managed to find the time to go out and have the little party girl life. Ah, priorities.)
(Finally) having the free time be able to take some classes to become a better person.
Trying to reach my goal of living a fearless life.
Truly being myself when I'm around people and (finally) being able to be open and honest about my feelings and emotions with those around me.
(Finally) being able to have the time to travel and explore and see new places. Having the time to write, paint, go the movies, and send my stories to the publishers and not worry about having 40-11 other things to do.
Having an inkling of what people around me know and feel for someone they love and care about, finally getting it. To know what it feels like to fall for someone, truly let myself fall for someone and not worry or hold back on my feelings. Not worrying about getting hurt, being rejected, or being the first one to call Uncle, just letting myself go and not fight it.
The freedom of having my whole future in front of me and I have the ability and power to decide where and when I go and how I get there. I can either accept the job here or completely pack up and move somewhere, anywhere, else.
The freedom to spend an afternoon at Barnes and Noble with a lap full of books holding a hot beverage and feel the possibilities and the power of my future in front of me and being able to choose which way I go.
The power of wisdom and hindsight and realizing all the mistakes I've made and having the maturity to know that, oh-my-god I am going to make so many more. Learning from all of those mistakes and becoming a better person for it.
Realizing that I can let myself fall and relinquish some control and wow, I really would let myself move and be with someone. I really would let myself do that, because I never thought I would.
And so many more things. So many feelings, emotions, ideas, and thoughts all in the time it takes to blow on a hot beverage before allowing myself to take a drink. All of that and then some is what I meant when I said, I feel as though my life is just starting to get interesting. I'll try to not to be so vague in the future.
Mushy girl moment, out.
One day during my break I was doing my favorite activity, which doesn't require a second person, or any hand movement on my part, which is sitting in Barnes and Noble.
Sitting in B&N with a lap full of books holding a hot latte sitting in an big comfy chair enjoying the quite comfort of a cold winter day. I find it incredibly comforting holding a hot beverage in my hand, blowing into the hot steaming liquid waiting for it to become the right temperature. Those quite times that International Coffee promotes as those moments of our lives, that was the kind of afternoon I was having. With my beverage in my right hand and a pile of books in my lap I have a realization that this year, this time in my life, was just starting to get interesting.
Not that my life has been dull-drum up to this point. Quite the contrary. As OMC pointed out, whose life have I been blogging about this whole time and who wants a refund? No, it's more about being more mature (sorry), being comfortable in my own skin and with myself more than I ever have been. About being truly happy, being (almost) finished with school and having a life again. (Although, for someone who spent 40+ hours working in addition to being in school 20-25 hours a week, I still managed to find the time to go out and have the little party girl life. Ah, priorities.)
(Finally) having the free time be able to take some classes to become a better person.
Trying to reach my goal of living a fearless life.
Truly being myself when I'm around people and (finally) being able to be open and honest about my feelings and emotions with those around me.
(Finally) being able to have the time to travel and explore and see new places. Having the time to write, paint, go the movies, and send my stories to the publishers and not worry about having 40-11 other things to do.
Having an inkling of what people around me know and feel for someone they love and care about, finally getting it. To know what it feels like to fall for someone, truly let myself fall for someone and not worry or hold back on my feelings. Not worrying about getting hurt, being rejected, or being the first one to call Uncle, just letting myself go and not fight it.
The freedom of having my whole future in front of me and I have the ability and power to decide where and when I go and how I get there. I can either accept the job here or completely pack up and move somewhere, anywhere, else.
The freedom to spend an afternoon at Barnes and Noble with a lap full of books holding a hot beverage and feel the possibilities and the power of my future in front of me and being able to choose which way I go.
The power of wisdom and hindsight and realizing all the mistakes I've made and having the maturity to know that, oh-my-god I am going to make so many more. Learning from all of those mistakes and becoming a better person for it.
Realizing that I can let myself fall and relinquish some control and wow, I really would let myself move and be with someone. I really would let myself do that, because I never thought I would.
And so many more things. So many feelings, emotions, ideas, and thoughts all in the time it takes to blow on a hot beverage before allowing myself to take a drink. All of that and then some is what I meant when I said, I feel as though my life is just starting to get interesting. I'll try to not to be so vague in the future.
Mushy girl moment, out.
Monday, January 15, 2007
Friday, January 12, 2007
non-traditional
You know, there are many things that point to the fact that I'm not a traditional student. Subtle laugh lines around my eyes, the slight fading of my hair color, the fact that I actually go to my classes pay attention in class, and then actually participate and do my homework. My GPA. My lack of whining about this thing or that, which may be causing trauma or drama in my life at the moment. The fact that I actually have bills and not pretend bills, which are really just figments of my imagination. The fact that I have a rent and car payment. That I no longer think pizza constitutes a food group in and of itself and will be just fine for all my meals.
However.
Another indication would be that apparently I listen to the news. More specifically, the weather report.
Yesterday it was a balmy 60 degrees. Today it is a nipple falling off, boogers freezing in the nose, cold.
Me? I'm bundled up in my most wintry of winter coats complete with gloves.
The traditionals? Shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops and really do I even need to say it? Of course they aren't wearing a coat.
Sad. My age is completely apparent on these days.
..and thank god for that.
However.
Another indication would be that apparently I listen to the news. More specifically, the weather report.
Yesterday it was a balmy 60 degrees. Today it is a nipple falling off, boogers freezing in the nose, cold.
Me? I'm bundled up in my most wintry of winter coats complete with gloves.
The traditionals? Shorts, t-shirts, flip-flops and really do I even need to say it? Of course they aren't wearing a coat.
Sad. My age is completely apparent on these days.
..and thank god for that.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
inner dork: the sacred penis
Sorry, I know I've missed a few weeks...I'll make up for it, I promise!
Did you....
In India, a pagan priest would walk naked through the streets beckoning the faithful to caress his sacred penis?
(You have no idea how many times I've fallen for that line...)
Did you....
In India, a pagan priest would walk naked through the streets beckoning the faithful to caress his sacred penis?
(You have no idea how many times I've fallen for that line...)
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
just sayin'
I truly believe I am giving myself Carpal-tunnel
...and it isn't from typing papers.
Yet I am strangely stress-free.
Wrist pain, no stress. Wrist pain, no stress. Wrist pain, no stress.
Repeat as needed.
As often as possible.
As directed by PG.
Maybe I should come with a Surgeon General's warning.
...and it isn't from typing papers.
Yet I am strangely stress-free.
Wrist pain, no stress. Wrist pain, no stress. Wrist pain, no stress.
Repeat as needed.
As often as possible.
As directed by PG.
Maybe I should come with a Surgeon General's warning.
Monday, January 08, 2007
a little help with some must see tv, please
"OHMYGOD!" I can't believe you don't watch "Heroes!"
"OHMYGOD! I've been in school getting an edgeumacation!"
Okay, so as of last week I'm hooked on, "Heroes." But, last week was a marathon run starting with episode five,(I think) so color me a little lost.
I realize I could go to NBC.com or a blog or something, but where's the fun in that? I would much rather have you all explain it to me.
Okay, the blonde chick with the dual personality, what the dilly-yo with her?
The guy who saved Claire at the Homecoming game, what up with him? And how and why did he get hooked up with the druggie who paints.
The pixie lookin chick who told the dark figure who killed the other cheerleader at the homecoming game, she good or bad? I'm guessing bad, but this is about superheroes, so one never can tell.
Who the hell is Syler (sp?).
Reading of the minds cop guy: is the blonde the only one who knows about his ability, and why does she know?
Why is the cheerleader so damn important, or do we know yet? I realize, save the cheerleader, save the world, I get the slogan. Just askin'.
...how's about this. How's about you alls just clue a girl in. Thanks. Thanks a ton.
"OHMYGOD! I've been in school getting an edgeumacation!"
Okay, so as of last week I'm hooked on, "Heroes." But, last week was a marathon run starting with episode five,(I think) so color me a little lost.
I realize I could go to NBC.com or a blog or something, but where's the fun in that? I would much rather have you all explain it to me.
Okay, the blonde chick with the dual personality, what the dilly-yo with her?
The guy who saved Claire at the Homecoming game, what up with him? And how and why did he get hooked up with the druggie who paints.
The pixie lookin chick who told the dark figure who killed the other cheerleader at the homecoming game, she good or bad? I'm guessing bad, but this is about superheroes, so one never can tell.
Who the hell is Syler (sp?).
Reading of the minds cop guy: is the blonde the only one who knows about his ability, and why does she know?
Why is the cheerleader so damn important, or do we know yet? I realize, save the cheerleader, save the world, I get the slogan. Just askin'.
...how's about this. How's about you alls just clue a girl in. Thanks. Thanks a ton.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
first thoughts in the morning
I hate the sadness that comes because he is my first thought in the morning when I no longer want him to be. Because I am trying to get over him. Because I am trying to move on. Yet it's impossible because he is my first thought in the morning.
The thought that follows me from the warm comfort of my bed and into the hot steam of the shower. That continues as I wrap the towel around me. As I apply the lotion to my face, arms, legs, and torso. That lingers into the applying of blush, mascara, and today's shade of lipstick.
The thought of how he looked at me. The size of his hands compared to mine. How he closed his eyes when he was remembering something, and messed-up his hair when he was nervous. How his glasses were always smudged.
They continue as I hook my bra, pull on my tights, slip on my shirt, zip up my skirt, slide my feet into my heels, and decide on my jewelry.
His laugh. How we made fun of each other in the best possible ways. How he rubbed my back. How I laid on his chest. How he ran his fingers through my hair.
How he complimented me on more than just my looks.
He consumes my thoughts as I pull on my coat, pour my coffee into my travel mug, pull both of my bags onto my left shoulder, grab my mug and my keys in my right hand and walk out to my car.
As the morning air hits my senses I tell myself the tears in my eyes are just from the cold, but I know better.
Even a cold winter morning can't stop the thoughts. How he would say something funny each and every time I unlocked my front door to let him in. How he would describe his day without the use of any adjectives.
I try to move him out of my head as I sit and let my car warm up, hit the radio volume, and listen to the morning DJ's, scrape my windows, and drive to work.
He manages to slip in between the laughs from the radio and a traffic light as I think about how he kissed me in the parking lot and my right leg involuntarily bent at the knee like some 1930's black and white romantic comedy. How I laughed to myself when I realized I was swooning in the full moonlight of a cold December night. How I played with his hair as he lay in my lap. How he would nonchalantly rub my calf as we talked.
As I put my bags on my desk and turn my computer on to start my day taking a sip of coffee one last thought creeps into my head; the last image I have of him, the image of him walking out of my apartment and the lingering feeling that I wish I would have hugged him good-bye. Instead I watched him walk down the hallway before I closed the door.
It all makes me sad. Those thoughts that come first thing in the morning when I am trying to move on.
But I also hate the sadness that happens when I realize that he is no longer my first thought in the morning because I am moving on and it's without him.
The thought that follows me from the warm comfort of my bed and into the hot steam of the shower. That continues as I wrap the towel around me. As I apply the lotion to my face, arms, legs, and torso. That lingers into the applying of blush, mascara, and today's shade of lipstick.
The thought of how he looked at me. The size of his hands compared to mine. How he closed his eyes when he was remembering something, and messed-up his hair when he was nervous. How his glasses were always smudged.
They continue as I hook my bra, pull on my tights, slip on my shirt, zip up my skirt, slide my feet into my heels, and decide on my jewelry.
His laugh. How we made fun of each other in the best possible ways. How he rubbed my back. How I laid on his chest. How he ran his fingers through my hair.
How he complimented me on more than just my looks.
He consumes my thoughts as I pull on my coat, pour my coffee into my travel mug, pull both of my bags onto my left shoulder, grab my mug and my keys in my right hand and walk out to my car.
As the morning air hits my senses I tell myself the tears in my eyes are just from the cold, but I know better.
Even a cold winter morning can't stop the thoughts. How he would say something funny each and every time I unlocked my front door to let him in. How he would describe his day without the use of any adjectives.
I try to move him out of my head as I sit and let my car warm up, hit the radio volume, and listen to the morning DJ's, scrape my windows, and drive to work.
He manages to slip in between the laughs from the radio and a traffic light as I think about how he kissed me in the parking lot and my right leg involuntarily bent at the knee like some 1930's black and white romantic comedy. How I laughed to myself when I realized I was swooning in the full moonlight of a cold December night. How I played with his hair as he lay in my lap. How he would nonchalantly rub my calf as we talked.
As I put my bags on my desk and turn my computer on to start my day taking a sip of coffee one last thought creeps into my head; the last image I have of him, the image of him walking out of my apartment and the lingering feeling that I wish I would have hugged him good-bye. Instead I watched him walk down the hallway before I closed the door.
It all makes me sad. Those thoughts that come first thing in the morning when I am trying to move on.
But I also hate the sadness that happens when I realize that he is no longer my first thought in the morning because I am moving on and it's without him.
Thursday, January 04, 2007
just askin'
In your daily life and in everyday situations are you the lead or the best friend?
Are you the person who's head strong and takes charge of the situation or the side kick with all the great one-liners leading the laugh track?
The person who doesn't take any poo from anyone or the one who always gives someone a second chance?
The talker or the listener?
The one who cries or the shoulder whose leaned on?
Me? I think I'm the leading lady who just happens to also have all the amazing qualities that a best friend holds.
...and you?
Are you the person who's head strong and takes charge of the situation or the side kick with all the great one-liners leading the laugh track?
The person who doesn't take any poo from anyone or the one who always gives someone a second chance?
The talker or the listener?
The one who cries or the shoulder whose leaned on?
Me? I think I'm the leading lady who just happens to also have all the amazing qualities that a best friend holds.
...and you?
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
yeah...I'll have to get back to you on that
So, I've been way productive, way creative, and way relaxed on this here vaca I've been on. Yah-daddy, boy-howdy, and pickolo Joe, has it. However, there are a few things that I'm considering, thinking about, coming to a conclusion on, and just in general been mulling over. All of which I'll have to get back to you on in terms of the outcome and conclusion thereof in regards to. (Wow. That sounded all fancy-like.)
I've consumed an outrageous amount of alcohol in the last 10 days. "Large amount" would be even big when it comes to my standards. Most of which, yet not all, has been by myself, alone in my apartment...which I believe is a true sign of an alcoholic. So. I may have a problem. I don't really think I do, but that may be the denial talking. Most of what I've consumed has been in the form of red wine, which is good for the heart, so actually, I'm doing my body good. Course, grape juice would have the same effect, but let's not get technical. There's also been a few beers, which is really just liquid bread and well, who doesn't love bread? I'll get back to you on how the AA meetings are going.
Over the past couple months I've lost about 20 pounds all of which was gained as a result of being in school four-five nights a week along with working 40 hours a week. I think all 20 pounds that I've lost has been in my boobs. I've gone from an overflowing 'D' cup to a smoldering, yet not overflowing 'D' cup. My only comment to those around me has been, "My god, were they just ginormous before?" Apparently the answer to that is, "Yes. Yes they were. I was lugging around some big guns. I liked to shot them and then pretend to blow them out. Now, not so big, but still pretty huge. I don't know, maybe I need to take some comparison pics. I'll get back to you on that.
Movies I've seen in the past 10 days: Pursuit of Happyness: Inspiring, motivating, Will Smith's son deserves a nomination.
Apocolypto: If you want to be exhausted and vomit afterwards, then see it. If not, don't.
The Good Shepherd: Good detailed movie. Good story, great acting. Very detailed. About 45 minutes longer than it needed to be.
Dream Girls: Amazing vocals, good acting. Beyonce is very plain without make-up. I plan to see it again with my gay. The first time my gay and I were in the third row, that is way close for all that glamour and drama. I'll let you all know if it just as good, or better at a distance.
I'm currently looking into an MFA program in VT. The state is picturesque and they seem to love their maple syrup. They're also way friendly in terms of the gays. My kinda place. Stages are still early. So, I'll have to get back to you on that.
I've mailed out about 28 copies of two of my stories. That's worded funny...I've mailed out two of my stories to 28 publishers. I am sure one of them will think I am the most brilliant and talented writer since that last new and hot writer whose 15 minutes are starting to flicker out so, it's my turn. Again, I'll have to get back to you on the fame, royalties, and publicity appearances. Hold on, Matt Lauer is calling my name from the bedroom. So I'll have to get back to you.
...K, I'm back. I tuckered 'ol Matty's ass out.
I've always wanted to join the Peace Corps so I've looked into it some more. Apparently I can get assistance in terms of a Graduate degree and such. But, there's that whole volunteer bit that the Peace Corp seems really, really stuck on, so you know, no fundage. I hear when it comes to dating, men lie about their income and women lie about their age and weight. I'm honest about my age and weight and I lie about my income. I'm poor. Actually, po'. I'm so poor I can't even afford the 'o' and the 'r.' So, I don't know if picking up and leaving for a free gig would be the smartest move right now. But I would love it. I really, really would. I'll get back to you.
I will absolutely positively be going on some sort of serious vacation this year. Some serious traveling and road trips. I just don't know where or when... or where or when. But, definitely somewhere. And starting in May. I would like one of the places to be Greece, but you know....
In the past two weeks I've painted three large canvases and one small one. I don't know if I have any talent in the painting realm, but it's all subjective anyway, but god damn do I love it. God damn. When the last one is finished I'll post them, cause I know you all care. When the art galleries start calling I'll let you all know. After the 15 minutes are over y'all still love me, right? Cause I'll go back to being all humble and stuff, I promise.
I've met someone new. He's a really nice and successful man. I'm not over Mr. London and I don't know when I will be. The new man is very nice and it's still very new. Still more in the friendship realm than anything else. I'm trying to give him, along with myself, a chance. Still very new. Heart still hurts. Emotions still there. Heart still hurts. I'll let you know.
I've signed up for three adult ed classes, which start in January. I signed up for them because I haven't been able to enjoy and do things that I've wanted to do and enjoy in over two years. I'm going to take: Belly-dancing, because I think it sounds way completely too fun and sexy as hell. Chess. Yes, chess. I've always wanted to learn: chess, fly-fishing, and poker. It's an odd combination, but true. I'm crossing one off the list. Last one is: Tai Chi. Again, because I've always wanted to learn and I think it will be incredibly relaxing and enjoyable. I'll let you know.
I only have one (insert all curse words you can think of, here) class left and then I grad-u-ate with my degree that shows all of my kanaledge. ...and then the repaying of the student loans will start so I's got ta figure out a place to go for my Master's therefore putting off the repaying of said thousands of dollars all at a low fixed interest rate. All as yet to be determined. I'll get back to you on that.
On NYE when everyone was saying how good or bad 2006 was for them, I honestly couldn't recall much about the year. Not much at all. Not because I don't think there was anything exciting or what have you about the year, but because it was truly all a blur. Except for the last 10 weeks, it was all a blurry-eye blur to me. In looking over the past year in my handy and dandy daily calendar, which I log everything in, there were a few events and names of men that I couldn't recall in the least little bit. Is that sad, uneventful, outrageous, or simply not worth remembering? At least I have the blog to refresh my memory. I think 2007 is totally going to rock my world and be way more than I can expect and comprehend right now. I am looking forward to each and every day of it. I'll keep you posted.
I hope the last couple weeks, your holiday festivities and everything and anything in-between was way rockin'. You're all rock stars and I look forward to sharing the new year with each of you.
I've consumed an outrageous amount of alcohol in the last 10 days. "Large amount" would be even big when it comes to my standards. Most of which, yet not all, has been by myself, alone in my apartment...which I believe is a true sign of an alcoholic. So. I may have a problem. I don't really think I do, but that may be the denial talking. Most of what I've consumed has been in the form of red wine, which is good for the heart, so actually, I'm doing my body good. Course, grape juice would have the same effect, but let's not get technical. There's also been a few beers, which is really just liquid bread and well, who doesn't love bread? I'll get back to you on how the AA meetings are going.
Over the past couple months I've lost about 20 pounds all of which was gained as a result of being in school four-five nights a week along with working 40 hours a week. I think all 20 pounds that I've lost has been in my boobs. I've gone from an overflowing 'D' cup to a smoldering, yet not overflowing 'D' cup. My only comment to those around me has been, "My god, were they just ginormous before?" Apparently the answer to that is, "Yes. Yes they were. I was lugging around some big guns. I liked to shot them and then pretend to blow them out. Now, not so big, but still pretty huge. I don't know, maybe I need to take some comparison pics. I'll get back to you on that.
Movies I've seen in the past 10 days: Pursuit of Happyness: Inspiring, motivating, Will Smith's son deserves a nomination.
Apocolypto: If you want to be exhausted and vomit afterwards, then see it. If not, don't.
The Good Shepherd: Good detailed movie. Good story, great acting. Very detailed. About 45 minutes longer than it needed to be.
Dream Girls: Amazing vocals, good acting. Beyonce is very plain without make-up. I plan to see it again with my gay. The first time my gay and I were in the third row, that is way close for all that glamour and drama. I'll let you all know if it just as good, or better at a distance.
I'm currently looking into an MFA program in VT. The state is picturesque and they seem to love their maple syrup. They're also way friendly in terms of the gays. My kinda place. Stages are still early. So, I'll have to get back to you on that.
I've mailed out about 28 copies of two of my stories. That's worded funny...I've mailed out two of my stories to 28 publishers. I am sure one of them will think I am the most brilliant and talented writer since that last new and hot writer whose 15 minutes are starting to flicker out so, it's my turn. Again, I'll have to get back to you on the fame, royalties, and publicity appearances. Hold on, Matt Lauer is calling my name from the bedroom. So I'll have to get back to you.
...K, I'm back. I tuckered 'ol Matty's ass out.
I've always wanted to join the Peace Corps so I've looked into it some more. Apparently I can get assistance in terms of a Graduate degree and such. But, there's that whole volunteer bit that the Peace Corp seems really, really stuck on, so you know, no fundage. I hear when it comes to dating, men lie about their income and women lie about their age and weight. I'm honest about my age and weight and I lie about my income. I'm poor. Actually, po'. I'm so poor I can't even afford the 'o' and the 'r.' So, I don't know if picking up and leaving for a free gig would be the smartest move right now. But I would love it. I really, really would. I'll get back to you.
I will absolutely positively be going on some sort of serious vacation this year. Some serious traveling and road trips. I just don't know where or when... or where or when. But, definitely somewhere. And starting in May. I would like one of the places to be Greece, but you know....
In the past two weeks I've painted three large canvases and one small one. I don't know if I have any talent in the painting realm, but it's all subjective anyway, but god damn do I love it. God damn. When the last one is finished I'll post them, cause I know you all care. When the art galleries start calling I'll let you all know. After the 15 minutes are over y'all still love me, right? Cause I'll go back to being all humble and stuff, I promise.
I've met someone new. He's a really nice and successful man. I'm not over Mr. London and I don't know when I will be. The new man is very nice and it's still very new. Still more in the friendship realm than anything else. I'm trying to give him, along with myself, a chance. Still very new. Heart still hurts. Emotions still there. Heart still hurts. I'll let you know.
I've signed up for three adult ed classes, which start in January. I signed up for them because I haven't been able to enjoy and do things that I've wanted to do and enjoy in over two years. I'm going to take: Belly-dancing, because I think it sounds way completely too fun and sexy as hell. Chess. Yes, chess. I've always wanted to learn: chess, fly-fishing, and poker. It's an odd combination, but true. I'm crossing one off the list. Last one is: Tai Chi. Again, because I've always wanted to learn and I think it will be incredibly relaxing and enjoyable. I'll let you know.
I only have one (insert all curse words you can think of, here) class left and then I grad-u-ate with my degree that shows all of my kanaledge. ...and then the repaying of the student loans will start so I's got ta figure out a place to go for my Master's therefore putting off the repaying of said thousands of dollars all at a low fixed interest rate. All as yet to be determined. I'll get back to you on that.
On NYE when everyone was saying how good or bad 2006 was for them, I honestly couldn't recall much about the year. Not much at all. Not because I don't think there was anything exciting or what have you about the year, but because it was truly all a blur. Except for the last 10 weeks, it was all a blurry-eye blur to me. In looking over the past year in my handy and dandy daily calendar, which I log everything in, there were a few events and names of men that I couldn't recall in the least little bit. Is that sad, uneventful, outrageous, or simply not worth remembering? At least I have the blog to refresh my memory. I think 2007 is totally going to rock my world and be way more than I can expect and comprehend right now. I am looking forward to each and every day of it. I'll keep you posted.
I hope the last couple weeks, your holiday festivities and everything and anything in-between was way rockin'. You're all rock stars and I look forward to sharing the new year with each of you.
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