Wednesday, January 17, 2007

what I meant to say was...

Okay, so perhaps I was a bit vague in my last post. Please, forgive me.

One day during my break I was doing my favorite activity, which doesn't require a second person, or any hand movement on my part, which is sitting in Barnes and Noble.

Sitting in B&N with a lap full of books holding a hot latte sitting in an big comfy chair enjoying the quite comfort of a cold winter day. I find it incredibly comforting holding a hot beverage in my hand, blowing into the hot steaming liquid waiting for it to become the right temperature. Those quite times that International Coffee promotes as those moments of our lives, that was the kind of afternoon I was having. With my beverage in my right hand and a pile of books in my lap I have a realization that this year, this time in my life, was just starting to get interesting.
Not that my life has been dull-drum up to this point. Quite the contrary. As OMC pointed out, whose life have I been blogging about this whole time and who wants a refund? No, it's more about being more mature (sorry), being comfortable in my own skin and with myself more than I ever have been. About being truly happy, being (almost) finished with school and having a life again. (Although, for someone who spent 40+ hours working in addition to being in school 20-25 hours a week, I still managed to find the time to go out and have the little party girl life. Ah, priorities.)
(Finally) having the free time be able to take some classes to become a better person.
Trying to reach my goal of living a fearless life.
Truly being myself when I'm around people and (finally) being able to be open and honest about my feelings and emotions with those around me.
(Finally) being able to have the time to travel and explore and see new places. Having the time to write, paint, go the movies, and send my stories to the publishers and not worry about having 40-11 other things to do.
Having an inkling of what people around me know and feel for someone they love and care about, finally getting it. To know what it feels like to fall for someone, truly let myself fall for someone and not worry or hold back on my feelings. Not worrying about getting hurt, being rejected, or being the first one to call Uncle, just letting myself go and not fight it.
The freedom of having my whole future in front of me and I have the ability and power to decide where and when I go and how I get there. I can either accept the job here or completely pack up and move somewhere, anywhere, else.
The freedom to spend an afternoon at Barnes and Noble with a lap full of books holding a hot beverage and feel the possibilities and the power of my future in front of me and being able to choose which way I go.
The power of wisdom and hindsight and realizing all the mistakes I've made and having the maturity to know that, oh-my-god I am going to make so many more. Learning from all of those mistakes and becoming a better person for it.
Realizing that I can let myself fall and relinquish some control and wow, I really would let myself move and be with someone. I really would let myself do that, because I never thought I would.
And so many more things. So many feelings, emotions, ideas, and thoughts all in the time it takes to blow on a hot beverage before allowing myself to take a drink. All of that and then some is what I meant when I said, I feel as though my life is just starting to get interesting. I'll try to not to be so vague in the future.
Mushy girl moment, out.

4 comments:

limpy99 said...

That's the longest "International Coffee" ad ever!

Jay said...

Well, lookit here...


Madison, Wisconsin has TWO Barnes and Noble's...


...just sayin'. :-)

Will said...

wait...


...are we gonna fuck or not?

Party Girl said...

Limpy: makes you feel all warm and toasty, no?

Jay: I'll be right over...

Will: Is there a hot latte and an over-stuffed chair involved? Are people watching? Is someone repeatedly saying, " can help who ever is next" over and over again somewhere off in the distance....if so, then yes.