Monday, June 26, 2006

my life is a reality TV show

However, it's one of those really good reality TV shows. You know, like that one on that one night. You know, that one on that one night about that one thing on that one channel. You know which one I mean? Yeah, my life would be exactly like that one if they made it into a TV show.

Friday night I went out with South Sider and his New Divorced Friend who I had never met. SS and I haven't seen each other in several months.
We met at the after work hot spot to do thing.
I'm drinking my beer and this girl approaches me.
"Hey, is your name, Party Girl?"
I hesitate. This could be good or bad. I don't recognize her at all. At all. Now, my name isn't one you can just pull out of your butt. It's not one of those names. I mean, c'mon. How many people do you know with the name, Party Girl?
"Hmmm, yyeeess." I say with complete and total hesitation.
Did you use to work at a local greasy pizza joint?
Again, total hesitation as she is still not ringing a bell. "Yyyeesss."
"Oh my gawd! We use to work together!!!"
"OOokkkkayyy." There isn't a ding or a dong of a bell going off for me. Nothing. This girl is totally in my face and I've got nothing.
I start diggin up questions. Maybe she has the wrong person. Sure, she knew my name, but hey, name out of butt can happen.
"When did you work there?"
She spouts off a time when I was there.
"What's your name?" (Blah.)
Still, I've got nothin'.
Pause,
pause,
pause.
"Take off your sunglasses, maybe that will help me."
Nope.
Awkward.
I am feeling very awkward. Need more beer. Want girl out of my face.
With a sip of my cool refreshment on my tongue, 'ding' "Wait, who were you dating at the time?"
She names the cool hunky boy who was a total boy-next-door-All-American-dreamboat.
"OH! now, I know who you are!"
She then proceeds to go on and on..." Yeah, we totally use to party in your apartment. Jello shots, you made the best jello shots. I even asked you for the recipe. You were so fucking cool."
Me, "yeah, that was like 10 years ago." I mean seriously, the amount of brain cells between then and now. See, the above reference of jello shots for any clarification. It goes on like this for way too long. "Jello shots, vodka, parties, so fucking cool, party, you were so mello......"

She leaves and we go to a bar. Outside with a ton of people. I met several strangers and tried to get Newly Divorced Guy back into the game. I tried to introduce him to many people. I tried to be a stranger approaching him to try and get him to start a conversation. His flesh was willing, but his spirit was weak.

Anyway, This is how my night goes: Person appears seemingly out of nowhere and is in my face, "Hey! Is your name, Party Girl."
Me: (Fucking 'A.) "Yeeaaahhh."
"Did you use to work at: (insert: bartending, waitressing, telemarketing part-time job?")
"Oh my gawd! I'm ....(insert: random common name of male or female that I use to work with.")
"We use to party at your...(insert: attic apartment, house, duplex, cute little two bedroom.")
"I haven't seen you in...(insert: five, eight, ten years.")
"Do you remember me?" (insert: look of, 'crap.')
"You made the best...(insert: any alcoholic beverage.")
"You were so fucking...(insert: any cool personality trait.")
Register me; still trying to figure out who the hell they are. Hoping the sip of cool refreshing beverage will make it all clear.
Finally the, 'ding' of, "Oh, hey, yeah. You're...(insert: random common name here.")

Repeat this entire scenario, let's see; five, six, seven times.

Apparently I throw the best house parties. I make the best jello shots (cherry jello with cherry vodka. Alcohol? What alcohol?) I am completely memorable and my name just rolls off people's tongues and I've killed more brain cells than I thought. Long-term memory? What long-term memory?

The night was very interesting. It ended with a, "Miami Vice" drug buy that I was unwittingly apart of. (As in, I was in the room, not that I bought the drugs.) The, "Miami Vice" circa 1986, not the hot new blockbuster movie, circa 2006. But that's all for another post.....

10 comments:

GirlGoyle said...

Jello Shots rock. They are like napalm....it takes just a bit for them to have effect but when they do, they spread like wildfire. I see the long term effects. Actually...I live by them...what was I saying in the first place?? Hummm....errrr....forgot. Oh well...never mind.

P.S. Thanks to jerk-off blogger that annoyed you to the point of having to enable comments. People are just tools sometimes.

TrappedInColorado said...

You gave away hints.. Now I know where you live! Muhahahahaha (evil scientist laugh)... I have never had a jello shot. I guess I'm too square. :( Make me some? I like cherry or lime.

Peace

Party Girl said...

GG: Yes, yes they do.
And, yes, yes they are.

Trapped: Oh, you just think I have. Trust me. I didn't. I'm cleva' like that.

Mark said...

The only time I had jello shots -- they were served at a friend's 50th birthday and I was only one of two men there - the rest were women, mostly lesbian. The jello jigglers were in the shape of breasts, and they were sucking them off the tray. Damn, those women knew how to party.

Ahh the name thing... it gets worse.

Egan said...

Wow, you have quite a following. I didn't know jello shots were so cool, but now I do. Is that the key ingredient to a successful party?

Joefish said...

Were you required to wear a pale suit over a bright pastel t-shirt to be present for this drug buy?


I totally know where you live. I'm absolutely convinced of this.

Dirty Bunny said...

You could've really used this as an opportunity to fuck with the chick..."Oh, yeah, and do you remember when you did a jello-shot off of so and so's ass-crack...oh, yeah, that was a riot."

It's funny that you were so memorable, and the only thing that stuck out about her is her boyfriend. Funny stuff. She must be an accessory-type girlfriend.

testing said...

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Party Girl said...

GG: Yes, yes they are.
Actually so are: shots, beer (when it equals half a gallon or more) vodka...oh wait. Maybe I just need to learn to pace myself.

Trapped: Cherry. Always, cherry.

Mark: Nice and classy. Just how I like it.

Egan: I think the key is a winning personality.

...or a lot of alcohol mixed with a winnng personality.

joefish: Oh, I felt like it. Seriously, there was a hallway with a red light. A small back office with lots of mirrors. All I kept thinking was: "Crocket and Tubbs are gonna get us. Crocket and Tubbs are gonna get us."

Color me not pleased. South Sider concured.

Dirty Bunny: Damn! I think the beer slowed my thinking down. That is totally something I would do/say. Damn, beer!

Kimberly: I must say, I've never done that one. Done other things with ice and such, but I've never filled up a condom and frozen it.

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