Thursday, June 15, 2006

when you comin home son.....

I spoke to my dad today for the first time in a couple months.

I wrote about his and my relationship a month ago telling how I had put our past behind us, which I have.

I am no longer angry.
I am no longer bitter.
I am no longer trying to find his love.
I am no longer yearning for him to be part of my life.
He and I are okay.

He almost died.
A year ago.
I tried to be in his life, but he was dealing with his, shouldn't still be alive and lost several days of his life and trying to get past it, so he didn't have time for me.

Okay.
I'm an adult.
I am busy.
I have dealt with it.
It seems par for the course.

He has called me several times and I didn't have the time to call him back.
I couldn't find the time.
I didn't want to have the time.
I didn't call him back.

He did a google search and found my work email and sent me a note.
I responded.
That was well over a month ago.
He sent me another email over the weekend.
I called him from work today.

He asked about me right away and this gave me a false glimmer of hope.
Then I asked about him.
Things are good.
Things are great.
He misses me.
He misses my brothers.
He wishes he heard from us more.

...and the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon little boy blue and the man on the moon...

He is working a new job this weekend.
He has gotten involved with community issues.
He misses me and wished I called more.

....when you comin' home son, I don't know when, we'll get together then, you know we'll have a good time then....

He is thinking about running for city council.
He stands up for the little guy.
He is thinking about getting involved in politics.
He understands that I am busy and I have a lot going on, how is school?
He sure does miss hearing from me.

...Well, he came from college just the other day, so much like a man I just had to say, I'm proud of you, could you sit for a while, he shook his head and he said with a smile....

He said with a laugh, that he is spending my inheritance on his new house.
He is doing landscaping and gardening.
He and his wife have never been happier.
He sure loves their new place, but he sure does miss seeing me.

...I've long since retired, my son's moved away, I called him up just the other day, I'd like to see you if you don't mind...

When I felt I had talked enough and had gotten caught up on his life.
I said, "It sounds like everything is going great for you."
He said, "It is, but I sure do miss hearing from you.
I sure do miss your voice.
I sure miss seeing you.
But, it has sure been nice talking to you."

but it's sure nice talking to you, Dad, it's been sure nice talking to you

The whole time I am talking to him, "Cats in the Cradle," is going through my head.
I couldn't help it.
As I hung-up the phone I started singing the song to myself.
Quietly to myself.
All the lyrics.

...and as I hung up the phone it occured to me, he'd grown up just like me, my boy was just like me...



....as I logged onto my computer tonight, I saw I had an email from my, Dad. He thanked me for calling and told me he misses me. But, it was sure nice hearing from me today. It was sure nice talking to me.
Love, Dad

With tears streaming down my face I realized I don't want to be like him.
I realized I don't won't to be like him....

10 comments:

TrappedInColorado said...

PG.. wow.. I wish I knew you real name so I could use it when saying that was a very moving post. Very. It literally made my eyes water. As I read it I kept hoping for a happy ending. There still can be.

Wow. That was powerful.

Peace to you my virtual friend. Peace.

Crimson said...

Wow...GREAT post.

GirlGoyle said...

I was just thinking the other day how as we get older it seems that our roles are reversed when it comes to the parents. I love mine to death and I without them I wouldn't be the well rounded person that I am. But sometimes life just gets busy and you don't find the time or the energy to touch base with the 'rents. Do we just take them for granted I wonder? This was a great post. You are not like your father. You are you. Though it's great to see that he's trying to reconnect with you.

Mark said...

damn, that made me tear up.

Party Girl said...

Trapped: Thank you for your kind words. He and I are a process, it's just a matter of being willing to keep the process going and to keep the work of our relationship going. Not giving up, basically.

...and what? You don't believe that my name is, PG?

Crimson: Thanks for stopping by and for your words.

GG: Yep, the 'rents are a tricky thing. We get busy, they get less so. I always expect my mom to be there to always help me out. I don't even think when I call her. I just pick up the phone and start rambling. I callled her three times yesterday. Once to ask about a song title.
Next to ask about shopping over the weekend.
Lastly to tell her about my, "Cats in the Cradle," moment.
Family.... yeah....

Mark: I was a cryin last night. I was a cryin.

Party Girl said...

Trapped: Thank you for your kind words. He and I are a process, it's just a matter of being willing to keep the process going and to keep the work of our relationship going. Not giving up, basically.

...and what? You don't believe that my name is, PG?

Crimson: Thanks for stopping by and for your words.

GG: Yep, the 'rents are a tricky thing. We get busy, they get less so. I always expect my mom to be there to always help me out. I don't even think when I call her. I just pick up the phone and start rambling. I callled her three times yesterday. Once to ask about a song title.
Next to ask about shopping over the weekend.
Lastly to tell her about my, "Cats in the Cradle," moment.
Family.... yeah....

Mark: I was a cryin last night. I was a cryin.

Tom Serafini, Actor to the Stars! said...

You know I don't mean to lecture and I'm not even sure what I'm saying but when he's gone you may find that the burden you think will be over will have just begun.

Just speaking to a friend from experience...

Karl said...

Ugh, I so didnt' need to read such a poignant post during Father's Day week. I haven't spoken to my Dad in over 2 years.

Party Girl said...

Tom: I realize that. That's why I've made my peace with him and the past and why I keep trying to have him in my present and future. It's an ongoing process.

Karl: Well, tell me what it says that I forgot that Sunday is Father's Day.
Mmmm, what, oh, what does that say???

ePixie29 said...

PG - The post was beautiful but like the song it has made me a little melancholy.

thank you for sharing this post with us.