conversations: curling

My oldest and dearest friend, Billy, called tonight:

Hello?

Turn the TV to channel 14.

(flip)

I immediately start laughing.

What the hell is that?

(It was the Olympics)

(Laughing my ass off) Curling.

(The rest of the conversation will be said through hysterical laughter and no one would be able to tell what the hell we were saying except for us. This is how many (all) of out conversations take place usually leaving me in an asthma attack)
(Now he's laughing his ass off)

What the hell is it and why the hell is it an Olympic sport?

It's curling. Like curling your hair, curling iron.

(With a rather questioning and accusing tone) What the hell channel are you watching?

14.

Oh, I thought for a second you were watching an infomercial.

No, I'm watching the curling.

(We take a moment to take in all the specatularness of the "sport")

Scrub that floor, bitch! Scrub it! Get it all clean! Scrub it clean, bitch!

Wow, the look of shear determination on his face. It looks like he's taking a serious shit.

(Taking a moment to watch)

Uh, he just moved that other thing out of the way. Is that what they're supposed to do?

I think so.

Huh. Look at them scrub that floor. How is this a sport and who came up with it?

The Canadians. Men from Minnesota. Beer. They just go to the Home Depot to get their equipment.

Wow, this is thrilling. What's it called again? I want to make sure I catch it the next time it's on.

Curling.

Why the hell is it called curling?

I have no idea.

You know if that guy in the white shirt was bald he would be called Mr. Clean.

Wow, so it's over?

I think so.

Who won?

Wow, look how happy they all are.

(It went to commercial and when it came back, the stands were empty)

My god, look how quickly the stands cleared out.

They probably went to watch something equally as exciting. Like chess. They're all searching for the next Bobby Fisher.

(more hysterical laughter. Laughter that he can't hear, because I'm not breathing)

Ok, that was funny. I didn't think you got that at first, but that was funny.

Hysterical laughter. Asthma attack in full affect.

Next came cross-country skiing. The conversation was pretty much the same, but I was freaked out by their perfect formation and how they ALL switched formation and style at the exact same moment. Very "Edward Scissorhands" when they all leave their houses and get in their cars and drive away. Freaky. Very Ump-a-lumpa.

Ah, sports.