the bad boy

GirlGoyle had posted a comment about me going after the bad boy.

This was the second time in three days that someone had said this to me. This lead to a, smack me on the ass and call me Shirley, moment.

Sure, the two people who made this comment couldn't be more different. One is an older gay male who I've known for several years. He and I are basically a fag and a hag stand-up improve routine when we're together. GG is a mostly anonymous female of about my same age who lives in an undisclosed location. Sure, I don't know her and she doesn't know me, but hey, the similarities in their statement was uncanny as far as I was concerned and perhaps this needed to be explored further.
While the handprint was still fresh on my ass, I decided to take a moment, while the sting set in, to dive into this.
Into the depths and reaches of my inner most thoughts I delved. What oh, what should I find?
That they're both kinda sorta, but not really right.

Do I find the 'bad boy' to be appealing in some ways? Sure.

Why? Well, because I guess it could be successfully argued while slamming down a few Jager shots and hollering at the bartender to skip the cranberry in my vodka cranberry, that I, as a self-proclaimed party girl who can tell a story with the best of 'em, laughter is my crack cocaine, who is a member of Adam and Eve's super quadruple platinum titanium club, who writes about having sex in an alley, and I can drink most alcoholics who are currently repeating steps 1-12 for the fourth time only to fail yet again, that I could and would be seen as a, 'bad girl,' in most people's eyes.
Bad girl just doesn't have the same ring to it as bad boy, now does it? Sort of a double standard there that I don't really like or care for.
Eh, I'll deal with double standards another day.

So, the bad boy. What I see, call, and consider the bad boy is someone who has a steady job and paycheck, is happy in and with his life, is close to his family, laughter is his crack cocaine, can toss back a few and stay with me when he does, returns all my phone calls and emails in a prompt and timely manner, and is kind and considerate. Likes my family and gets along (for the most part with his.) Doesn't discuss any or all of his ex's every time we get together. He is open, honest, and willing to discuss sex and all of it's possibilities and won't hold me or others in judgment for things past, present, future, or as yet, undisclosed.

What he is not and does not do: He doesn't have a wondering eye, won't cheat on me, doesn't lie to me, doesn't have some secret agenda, won't be a complete and total dumb-ass. However, most importantly, he won't lie to me, he won't lie to me, he won't lie to me and he doesn't have some secret hidden agenda. Or hold one-sided conversations. Cause, that's not really a conversation, now is it? No.

So, basically he is completely unattainable.
He's unattainable because he doesn't exist.
Therefore, because he is unattainable, and most importantly, doesn't exist, he is safe. It won't ever go anywhere.
Not in a drama or trauma sort of way not go anywhere, but in a, it didn't stand a chance from the words, 'let's get naked,' and I am completely aware of this fact even before those words were uttered.

So, really, because I get all pheromone-y around the bad boy it's not going to go anywhere and he is safe that way.

Make sense?

Yeah, I didn't think so.

...Why does my ass have a handprint on it?