Billy and I have been friends since I was 19. He was one of those people who I had to have in my life. I gravitated towards him. He and I worked at the same place; he worked on the floor with the handicapped children and I worked in the kitchen. I won him over with food and the ability to feed him for free. We've been friends ever since.
A few years ago he and I had a falling-out. We didn't talk for almost four years.
Last year, a few days after my dad almost died, I realized the fighting was stupid, senseless and I needed him back in my life. I called him up, explained what had just happened with my dad and asked to be his friend again. We talked for almost two hours that day.
Sure he and I are older, wiser, and slightly more mature, but we're still the same. No one makes me laugh the way he does. He and I laugh so hard when we are together that we are probably only audible to dogs. Maybe hyenas. Our conversations go from A to G to K to Z to F and somehow it all makes sense. We drink, we dance, we disco, we go out for dinner. We're a big fan of the D's. But more than that, no one, no one, get's me the way he does.
So, here is a slice of our friendship.
Phone conversations with my best friend, Billy.
Over the weekend:
(He has a wild rabbit that keeps eating his potted plants.)
B: You know that bunny I told you about?
PG: Yeah, did you kick its ass?
B: Mmm, no. I just spent $20 on it.
PG: (Laughing, but with a dry tone.) You just spent $20 on a wild bunny?
B: (Smoking a cigarette) Yes. Let me tell you why. Okay, so it was eating my plants right? Mmm, so I went to buy some pepper plants.
PG: Pepper plants to keep the bunny away?
B: Yeah. So, I go to plant the pepper plants and the dirt moves.
PG: The dirt moved?
B: uh-huh, the dirt moved. The dirt moved. Do you understand what I'm saying?
PG: Yeah, the dirt moved. Did you scream like a little girl?
B: No. So, the dirt moved and I wanted to see what was under there.
PG: You stood there and watched it move? In front of the pot? Or did you run inside? What was it? A snake?
B: NO. It was bunnies.
PG: You had a pot of bunnies?
B: Yes. Five little bunnies.
PG: You had five little baby bunnies in a pot that you tried to plant pepper plants over?
B: Yes!
PG: And you didn't scream?
B: No. But do you know how many times I watered those bunnies??
Last night:
B: I watched all of last seasons, "Queer as Folk," over the weekend.
PG: Jesus, did you just want to go out and drink, dance, drug and have anonymous sex afterwards?
B: No. (Beat) I was just really tired afterwards.
laughter.
PG: You're getting old.
B: I know. Five years ago, hell, even 2 years ago I would have been out the door and down at the bar.
PG: You're not old. You're 38.
B: I'm going to be fabulous at 40.
PG: (Ladden with sarcasm) So, how's that diet and workout plan going?
B: Mmm, perfect. Couldn't be better.
PG: Not working-out at all are you?
B: Nope, not a bit. I do a lot of snapping.
PG: Are we talking the one snap or the three snap?
B: Three.
PG: Excellent. Workout plan is in full-effect. You're going to be fabulous at 40.
Later:
(He has very high blood pressure. He was telling me what his was for the day.)
PG: Good lord. Mine is always so low they usually have to take it two, sometimes three times, and I've been asked before if I'm breathing. I think the last time I went to the doctor it was 80/59. The nurse asked me if I was alive.
B: (Under his breath, but clearly audible) You're such a fucking bitch.
PG: Even when I'm stressed I think the highest its ever been is 100/80.
B: Fucking whore.
PG: I know. But that's why my blood pressure is so low. I'm working all of my frustrations out.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
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3 comments:
Good thing he wasn't feeding those bunnies plant food! He could have had some mutants on his hands!
Ha, now those are conversations of REAL friends. Tell you what, if I see my dirt moving around of its own volition, my ass is outta there. Curiosity killed the platypus, know what I'm saying?
Bre: Big bunnies. Healthy bunnies. Mutant bunnies.
Karl: They're hard to find, but when you do you need to hang onto them.
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