Tuesday, May 16, 2006

the art of listening

I've talked about the lost art of conversation before. Well, the other half of that is the lost of art of listening.
I tend to think of myself as a pretty darn good listener. You need an ear, here's mine. I am all ears; sympathetic, understanding, humorous, whatever you need me to be; I am yours for X amount of time as many times as you need me to be. Unless you keep talking about the same damn thing over and over and over and over and over again. I am going to tell you I can't listen to you anymore and then list the reasons why. I mean seriously, here's the pot, piss.

Now, what I have found is that many of my friends, family members, co-workers don't listen worth a damn. They just want to listen to themselves yap on about something and do not care to hear anything about me. Fine. I, whether it is right or wrong, don't spill my guts, or even my day unless I am asked. If I ask, "So, how was your day?" and then you proceed to tell me, but then can't do a simple thing like reciprocate with, "and you...?" Well, obviously you either don't care or don't know how to ask or are simply too concerned with yourself.

Also, if, in the midst of having a conversation you keep cutting me off when I have an open mouth waiting to spew forth some of my infinite wisdom or some dribble that I think is witting and worth passing on, then I will start to shut down. You cut me off; I simply stop talking about myself.
Now I'm not talking about an exchange where myself and the other person are having a heated or non-heated tit for tat back and forth; no I am talking about the conversation where it is completely and totally one-sided all the time. You talk, I try, I'm cut off, and I stop talking. Again, right or wrong, this is what I do.
Well, I guess because I feel that if said person isn't socially adapted at having a conversation and doesn't care or isn't aware enough to see what they are doing, and I have repeatedly pointed out to them many, many times that they need to listen, or they need to stop cutting me off, or shut the fuck up so I can talk, please...if any of these helpful and oh so thoughtful and friendly suggestions of mine go unseen well, then why should I reward them with knowing anything about me? I guess that's how I see it. Right or wrong. If you can't ask me, then I'm not going to tell. I'm like the gay friendly military.
I mean, if a person doesn't care enough or isn't thoughtful enough to ask me something as simple as, how my day was, then why in the hell would I entrust them with anything else about me?
All you have to do is ask.
You ask, I tell.
You don't ask, I don't tell.
This is why many people think I am an open book.
No, open book.
If you ask me, I'll answer anything.
Ask me nothing you'll find out nothing.
It's not rocket science.
It's conversation for god's sake.
Why is it so hard to find?
Because it is so hard to find, that is why it is my number one requirement, my number one turn on. The mind fuck. Jesus. So hot. Stimulate my mind first and foremost. You do that and I am putty. Putty. So hard to find.
Why am I currently single? That's why. The other person is trying to impress and win me over, they are selling themselves left right center and backhanded. At least that's how I see it, that they can't stop long enough to stop selling themselves to say, "...and you? What about you?" At which point I would blink, take a drink of beverage to quench my throat and then tell you about myself. See, tit, tat. So much fun. So interesting. So intriguing. Such an easy way to get me into bed. Wow. Concept. Conversation. Why can't people listen? Why can't people care enough to ask? Why can't people care enough to care?
I don't know maybe people have just stopped trying. Crap. Is that what has happened to me? I've just stopped trying to even have a conversation? No, the amount of times I open my mouth to try and spew forth some wisdom, clever comeback, witty repartee and not be able to even get a syllable let alone a vowel shows that I haven't become that person.
Not yet.
I won't become that person.
Don't let me become that person.


Jay said...




I'm sorry, what was that? ;P

GirlGoyle said...

Damn girl! You read my mind. I was just thinking the same thing the other day; sick of being interrupted, sick of people talking about themselves, sick of hearing everyone else's voice. The bottom line is people don't really care. This is why someone out there created blog. Because here...I say what i want, when i want it and to who I want. They are my thoughts - start to finish. Weather others care to read it and comment or not read it...i really could care less. So let's hear it sist'a!

Old Man Crowder said...

It never occurred to me (and I'm sure to many others) that something as simple as "...and you?" can really make a difference in someone's day.

Party Girl said...

Jay: Smart-ass

GG: Amen, sista

OMC: It makes all the difference in the world. The difference between someone caring and someone who doesn't give a damn.

Joefish said...

"Why can't people care enough to care?"

I like that sentiment. I wish I had an answer.