vodka makes me smarter -just sayin'

So, last night I had the last of my finals.
I was pretty damn sure I was going to fail it.
To clarify the final I was worried about? Discovering music. All listening and memorization.
So, my girlfriends and I got together before class.
They had wine.
I had a couple double vodkas.
Off to class we go.
Not doing as bad as I thought I was going to.
Vodka kills off the weak brain cells to make room for the stronger, smarter brain cells.
It's my theory and I'm stickin to it.

Off to the bar we go after class.
More vodka for me.
Our professor joined us at the bar.
The conversation is dominated by, boobs, vibrators, sex, sex, sex, and just incase you missed it, sex.
Laughing and joking and nearly peeing our pants.
The bartender CRANKED the stereo and so we're all laughing and screaming about how you always say something really inappropriate right when the music dies.
I see the bartender go to turn the stereo down.
At which point I time it perfectly and yell, "..and then he slipped it in my ass!" I thought they were all going to die in a puddle of their own pee.
Yes, folks. That's me. I am the class clown. Laughter is my crack.

More vodka.

Hitting on the cutie from class who is a religion and philosophy major.
I'm being all philosophical with him. (Hey, I can be philosophical....and smart. Check my IQ test.)
(Okay, really I'm thinking about all the impure things I would like to do to his young bod.)
Then I ask the $64,000 question.
"So, young hottie. What do you want to do when you graduate?"
"I'm going to go into the seminary."
(Keeping a straight face and thinking, well, holy shit! I didn't see that one coming. AT ALL! I mean seriously. Philosophy and religion? Total bs degree. Oh, but you actually plan to use it. I see. Well, actually I didn't see. Damn.)
Impure thoughts va-moose out of my brain.
Everyone leaves after several hours and several rounds.
I stay to sober up for a bit and I chat with the bartender.
I'll cut to the chase. He's leaving for San Fran at the end of the week and still had two hours left before he could go home.
I didn't want to wait.
I went home
...alone.
boo.

School is over until......Saturday. Yes, that's right. Saturday at 8 a.m. I start my next round.
I see, no make-up and wet hair with a big travel mug of coffee in my future because, seriously, Saturday?
Fuckin' A.

I am, however, off work for the next two weeks. Hey, there are some perks to my job. That would be one of them.
So, I am empting my brain of all the fruitful nutrients I soaked up and I will be drinking, tanning, reading, relaxing, painting, writing and hopefully, god willing, finding some young stud to take advantage of. I mean, enjoy the company of.