Friday, December 23, 2005

I would make a lousy lesbian

Mainly because I love men. I love women and all they have to offer, we're soft and sexy and fun to play with, but give me a man.
Men are hard, soft, strong, vulnerable, loveable, protectors, simple (in the best way). Men are either two things; hungry or horny. If he ain't having sex, then he needs a sandwich.
However, my main point of why I couldn't be a lesbian is basically because women, for the most part, get on my nerves.
Now, again, I love women. I am a woman, (duh) however, I am about to put down my own kind so women readers be warned.
Now, just in my list of womenfolk friends I have the wife who is cheating on her husband. I also found out she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had. When asked if I need to phsycho analyze her, she said maybe.

The friend who doesn't want to sleep with her husband. (actually I have many of these,(which, I simply don't understand) but this one in particular only wants to have sex so she can get pregnant again. He doesn't want a third child because she passed out and coded after her second child. She wants to take the risk, he doesn't. No sex.)

The woman who became pregnant shortly into the relationship (3 months into) they now hate each other and she is stuck. (the child is almost 3 years old) Even though I have offered to help her out and get her out of the relationship, still she stays. He is verbally, mentally, financially (he witholds money from her and didn't pay the mortgage and didn't tell her until they were in foreclosure) and recently (accidently...?) broke her ribs. He hates me because I am a strong female and I think he is an ass. Therefore, we are basically no longer friends.

The friend who married her husband when she was 20 (8 years ago) even though she didn't want to, but he made her feel guilty so she did. When asked if she loves him she told me he is a good guy. (o-kay)

The woman who was fantastic and amazing until she married and became pregnant and then turned into a phsycotic weirdo, yet I was the one with the problem.

Another wife is willing to put up with being ignored and being alone even though her husband has the best of both worlds, a wife at home and all the benefits of being single because he has total feedom. Why? Because she is scared to death of being alone.

This is just a quick summary and the top few who come to mind. We are such strong and amazing creatures, yet why do we do the things we do? We settle. We nag (which I have a ton to say about this. I really don't get it) We withold sex (again, a ton to say about this. I have never done this. I want to get laid just as much as he does.) (maybe more)
We sabotage ourselves and then wonder why things don't workout. We cheat and play games and wonder why were alone. We whine and complain (again, A LOT to say about this in another post) We are critical of ourselves and wonder why no one loves us, well maybe because we need to love ourselves first.
Obviously, I get along with men better than woman. I have more male friends than female friends. Now, I love women. Again, this isn't a put down on females, I just happen to get along better with men. I think mainly because I just don't understand why women do what they do. Say what they say. Or think how they think. Gossip the way they gossip. I don't sit around and fret over the fact that he didn't call. Why? Because if he doesn't call, I actually pick up the phone and call him. I don't fill in the holes of the conversation, I actually ask the questions so not to have any holes in it. I like being postitive over being negative. I guess I am just me. Love me or don't, I'm still gonna be me.
Maybe I'm not complicated enough.


Will said...

Sooooo you're telling me women are crazy? Honey, I could have saved you a little time.

MrHinge said...

I'd make a GREAT Lesbian.

Kilt Trip said...

Hmm...If I'm not hungry or horny, what does that make me?

After reading your list of female friends, I completely understand why you get along with men better. Find some sane friends. Your frazzled nerves will thank you for it.
And as a man(even if I'm not hungry or horny right now), it's my duty to point out that as a woman, you're complicated enough. You're just not as complicated as "the competition". I don't understand women either, but I don't think I'm supposed to.

Party Girl said...

Will: I'm not crazy. (just to be clear) (the crazy ones always deny it)
Rob: If you're not either of those, I don't know what to do. Is there a red button for me to push, cause this is bordering on emergency status. Do you wanna talk? Seriously, no ideas here. (smile and wink)

Duck: I am sure you would.

Ashley said...

I love this post because it is so accurate represents a large portion of the female population.

As for me.. I'm too young to be Mrs. Anyone...
And there is no reason why two people can't have a loving committed relationship without a piece of paper to 'prove it.'

Eric the Something said...

I am the other way around. Most of my friends are women because men are idiots. It's true. You say men are either hungry or horny, well the truth is; Anything a man does can be explained by one of two statements. 1) Men are stupid. 2) Men want sex. Sometimes you have to combine the two.

And most of my women friends say that all women are nuts to one extent or another. But I'd make a terrible fag.

You keep writing, I'll keep enjoying. Thanks!