Monday, December 05, 2005

no judgment, but...

A friend and I went out for drinks on Friday night and she promised me she had some juicy stories to tell me.
I was all ears.
Well, it turns out she is thinking about having an affair. She is 24 and has been married for 3 years.
Her husband is a great guy, but he is safe and she is bored.
Basically she got married too young and for the wrong reasons.
She needed someone safe and he came along and rescued her.
So, she has made out with Mr. Affair a couple of times and we are both pretty sure that the next time will be sex.
She is excited.
She has no guilt.
She sees the no guilt as a sign.
She is also staying in the marriage for financial reasons.
So, I was her, go to gal because she could be completely honest with me and she knew I wouldn't judge her.
She was right. No judgment.
However, I also pointed out the obvious.
Affairs always end badly. And she doesn't want an affair she wants a fling. She agreed with both.
Would Mr. Affair be happy with just a fling?
Also, her and Mr. Affair work at the same place. Swimming in the company pool is always (always) a bad idea.
Mr. Husband also works at the same place, different department, but same place. Again, very bad.
She agreed with all of this.
However, it is very obvious that she is going to go through with it.
Now, I have done a lot of things in my life, cheating isn't one of them and sleeping with a married man isn't one of them either (at least as far as I know of.god that is depressing)...bad karma all the way around.
Also, a couple hours with someone is never worth the outcome that the couple of hours will inevitably bring.
Forethought and consequences. There are always consequences for everything and an affair has repercussions for years down the road that neither party can see right now.
So, no judgment and I will be there for her in the beginning, the middle and the end, but...


Illegally Blonde said...

Christ... I've been party to similar stories, but never involving marriage.

The frequency of infidelity truly frightens me.

Illegally Blonde said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Vagina Terrorist said...

My whole view with cheating. If I have a friend who cheats on their gf/bf, I usually phase them out of my life. If they were cheating on a wife/husband than it's an easy choice to get rid of them. My thought is that this is the person that they are supposed to care most about in their life, they are supposed to have the most intimate relationship more than anybody, this is their true love and this represents true intimacy, right? So how can you trust a person that is going to do this to their #1? What's to say she wouldn't betray you in some fashion, maybe not now, but down the line?

Fuck, you're 24, you got married too young and maybe for the wrong reasons, you made a mistake, it's ok to make mistakes. But instead of taking the lazy, easy way out to what you want, do what's right. Besides, I don't know of any company that would tolerate that behavior. And shit around the office flies is someone even suspects something. All it's going to take is one person and they're all fucked. Is it really worth jeopardizing your career over just for some ass? Hell no.

I don't quite understand why you would stick by your friend from anything past the beginning stages of what is going to be a lot of ridiculous drama but that's your call.

Fuck, I hate stories like that.

Kilt Trip said...

Bad bad bad....all the way around. There was no infidelity in my marriage, even as bad as things got. Because if you have any respect for another person, you just DON'T DO THAT KIND OF THING, regardless of if you love them or not.
You may not judge her, but I sure as hell will.
She's staying in the marriage for financial reasons, is going to cheat on her husband with a co-worker, and her hubby works there to boot? Does this lady eat babies for breakfast? because she sounds like a cruel uncaring ice-queen.

Party Girl said...

illegally blonde: yep, cheating sucks all the way around.
also, you posted the same comment twice, I deleted the 2nd one. I don't want you to think I deleted your comment all together.

eazydoesit: I can see your point and who knows where this will lead our friendship. I've fazed out other in my life who cheated right in front of me. It was so blatant and in front of us (as a group of friends) his wife was pregnant and it was as if he seemed to think we were supporting him somehow in his fucked up discion. He was gone from my life and I think he is an ass.

RobV: nice. No, no baby eatin. Just young and a fucked up childhood. Not justifing her actions, just saying. I don't know why people cheat. I don't get it. I don't get it at all.

I have a ton of things to say about infedelity, so there will be many more posts about it...and sadly, probably about updating on this post as well.