Well I'm gonna be un-PC like and tell everyone Merry Christmas and to my Jewish readers, Happy Hanukkah. (I hope the government doesn't come after me)
Honestly,after reading everyone's post about the holidays and how they feel about them and after listening to my co-workers, friends and family bitch, moan and complain about the stress, fatigue, and money spent on the holidays, seriously, why do we do it? Every year why do we put ourselves through this stress and torment?
For me, I am the only single person in my family. I have a step-sister who is divorced (so shes been there done that, therefore she is considered safe) and a younger brother who is too young to be married. Me? I am the only daughter and in my 30's child free and with no wedding anywhere in the future. My mom can't take it.
I don't tell her when I am dating someone because she goes into full fantasy mode. I certainly don't tell her his name. Then she goes into super fantasy mode. And forget about mentioning money and a good job. I can see the fantasies and the twinkle in her eye as I type, along with the far off gaze.
Mom wants me married and with babe in arm.
I want to be happy and in an exclusive relationship. I really, really (really) don't want kids and I really don't think I want to be married either. I want a permanent boyfriend. A living in sin with the comment, but not the ceremony partner for life.
So I will be the single girl at the holiday festivities today and tomorrow. Everyone will look at me with saddness. Tomorrow my dad will reference the guy I was seeing over the spring and fall and who I stopped seeing in early November. I will have to tell him this. (yeah, that's how much we talk and see each other) He will ask why. I will want to drop the subject. Because again, I am single and I just think there are more important things to talk about that my dating life and non-babydom at family functions. (I have apparently been proven wrong on this on many occasion.)
However, I am getting off the subject.
Back to the holidays.
This is my idea, everyone boycott tradition and start our new holiday traditions.
We did this for Thanksgiving. Mom wanted a low-key, stress free holiday and that's what we got. I showed up to start cooking, I set up the bar and once everything was in the oven I was the bartender and the Master Baster of the turkey. The bird refused to pop therefore we were 3 hours off from the start to eat by time. Therefore, the marshmellows on the sweet potatoes liquified, the corn casserole was burnt, the stuffing was cooked to perfection and the green bean casserole was soggy. When the bird finally did pop it was heaven and we were all drunk and happy so no one cared about the rest of the meal. Total perfection and we swore to do it every year from now on including all major holidays.
So, tonight Santa comes (magically while we are all out of the room) we get stockings and presents. Tonight I am to play bartender again and I don't know what I will be the master of (oh, where is my Seinfeld reference guide?)
I think if we just throw alcohol into any situation it simply makes life better. Don't you agree?
Happy Holidays everyone! (opps, Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah) (how come it's Merry Christmas and not Happy Christmas and Happy Hanukkah and not Merry Hanukkah. Wait, is Merry like Mary? Is it a Jesus thing?) (anyway, happy, Merry Christmas and Hanukkah.) Oh, and Kwanza if you do that to.) (no wonder it's become Happy Holidays)
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6 comments:
Don't fret. My proposal is open-ended. So, if it gets too unbearable at future holidays. Though the same goes with unthink, so if you don't mind a three-to-tango siutation, it's all good.
Better yet let's turn Christmas into something completely unholy and ripe with sin -- singles orgy. All us happening singles on the holidays will get together in our local areas for a huge romp fest. We'll get a banquet hall at the Holiday Inn, or whatever, and just go to town on anyone and everyone you seem vaguely attracted to.
Swingers unite!!
ummm, maybe that's just me. eh.
ok everyone, next year I say we all get together and get drunk. Whose with me?
Will: you sound like one of my ex's.
Biggie: I can tango anytime.
Rob: I think "Tanked Day" should become the new name for Thanksgiving.
In that case, I'm sure he was awesome and it was all your fault.
Will: he (we) was (were) awesome in bed together. (or on the hood of my car, in an alleyway, on a sidewalk)His dream (goal, hope, greatest fantasy) was for me to go to a swingers party with him.
He wasn't able to do the smallest, simplest thing, therefore it never happened.
So, I am awesome and it was his fault.
..I am sure you would have follow through, therefore you are awesome.
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