Wednesday, March 29, 2006

like a flash in a pan, he's back from outter space: Out-of-Towner

Yesterday while complaining about how bored I was with a follow blogger, Will, who should suddenly appear wanting back into my life? None other than the Out-of-Towner.
Seriously.
I said I was bored and *poof* I get an email.
(she makes a face and wonders if this hidden super power will work in other aspects of her life. Say, I need sex, click my heels, or do a few kegals and suddenly I'm on top of someone.)
(Nope. Nothing. I just tried it.)

Anyway.

So, he emailed me yesterday and I have yet to respond.
My first reaction was, rolling my eyes, thinking how hilarious this was and being slightly disgusted.
Probably, and I'm just guessing here, but probably not the best reaction to have when someone who I spent a year of my life with (off and on) wants to see me. ie: fuck my brains out.

I was asked what am I going to do?
Well, he fucked up.
If he has a brain at all he should know this.
He could have totally had me.
However, I don't think he knows what to do with me.
I've always thought this.
He is pretty um, how should I say this. He's pretty important and well, wealthy.
I could care.
It means nothing to me.
No, really.
Money, cars, power and influence? Who cares.
Unless I am the one driving the car, who has the money and the power and influence it doesn't do a lot for me. Typically if a man has these things and needs to talk about these things he has little else to offer me. (I see a future post about this.)
SO.
I don't think he knew how to handle me. I wasn't, nor am I, like any of the women he has dated in his past and I am going to say in his future.
I challenged him. He's never had a woman do this before. I don't mean this in that I was challenging, hard to get along with or fought with him ect. No, I wasn't easy. I didn't bow and beg and do whatever he said or wanted. I think to simplify what I am saying, I had a brain and thoughts and opinions. Yeah, there. That's it. I didn't just nod and agree and say, "you are so smart. So right."
In fact, he told me on several occasions that he and I would get along a lot better if I would just realize that he was always right.
I told him, he and I were going to have problems then.
Also, let's just say I was more adventours with the sex than anyone he's ever been with before and I'm going to guess since.
So, I don't think he knew how to handle that and although I think he enjoyed the challenge he didn't and doesn't know what to do with me.
Make sense?

So, if I am saying all this then why am I even mildly thinking and considering seeing him?

Is it for the amazing down and dirty sex we had and for the fact that I could control him in the bedroom or wherever it might have been that I wanted to have sex? Like Oliver asking, "Please sir, may I have some more?"
Only I didn't get angry. I would say, "More? Yes-you-can!"

No, it's because for whatever reason I want him as a friend in my life.
Yes, a friend. I don't know why. I haven't found a way to articulate it. Maybe because he accepted me as me without judgment. Maybe. Don't know.
I've had sex with him.
Been there done that.
And even though the mere thought of having sex with him again and the image of me on the hood of my car, or the alley, sidewalk and on my knees with him makes me wet and throb as I write this, I've said to no one in particular and mostly to myself, that no, he and I won't have sex.
When I have my mind made up well bulls, mules, and goats ain't got nothin on me in terms of stubbornness.
And I respect myself more than that.
He fucked up a really amazing opportunity to be with me.

So, do you think if I sent an email saying to the effect of:
"Hey if you want to meet for a drink the next time your in town, I am all for it. Yes, absolutely. If you want to meet me just to fuck me, absolutely not.
If you want to be in my life in some capacity then, as friends is all I can or will offer up. If you want more you need to work for it. Otherwise, goodbye."
Subtle, direct and to the point?
Harsh, attacking and too biting.
Who the hell cares he fucked up?


I will make one retraction.

***If I haven't had sex by this time next month I reserve the right, to say, fuck it and go have my brains fucked right out my ears.

5 comments:

redbloodedboy said...

I can help you out with that sex thing if you'd like. I'll even wear a mask. Then you wouldn't have to do something you'd regret later.

Oh...wait...just occurred to me I could be the regret. That suggestion never works!

Party Girl said...

Mask not required.
Regrets? I don't believe in 'em

redbloodedboy said...

Poorly lit room? ;)

Cherrie said...

I find it impossible to become sexually aroused by someone I am not comfortable with. To be my lover, you need to be my friend first. More than that, you need to prove that you are worthy of being my friend.

If you're like me, and this guy hasn't figured it out, "Next!"

Party Girl said...

redblooded: lights left fully on, please.

Cherrie: I agree,. While men may be thinking can I fuck her within the first 5 seconds. I'm wondering if I want to kiss him and if I find him the least attractive.
If I can't be comfortable around a man, then yes, next!