Tuesday, January 10, 2006

be a man

So, this is probably going to come off as pissed off, but in all actuality I really am not. What I am is tired. Very tired. I am tired of dating guys. Stupid ass, emotionally uninvolved, too much bullshit, guys. I want a man.
So here is the story behind what happened with Mr. New Jersey (guy from class)
Everything was going well. He had great follow through. He called me, we dated, we talked. It was going awesome. No bullshit, no drama, no trauma, he was emotionally available, no lines. It was awesome. It was awesome and great.
Then he went home for two weeks for the holidays, he would call when he got home.
I had a feeling I wouldn't hear from him, which I thought was completely asinine as we are in class together for the next six weeks. We are part of a group of four who sit together. He either sits in front of me or we sit next to each other. So, stupid.
Yep, didn't hear from him. Ok, no big deal. I have certainly blown off my share of men...scratch that, guys, in my life. However, not one that I have to spend the next six weeks with. Stupid move on his part. However, I was taking into consideration that he, has been separated for several months. He is 36 and was married for 13 years. He married young. He is making up for lost time. Perfectly understandable. Still stupid on his part.
So, what did I do?
I wore what I wore to work only I kicked it up a notch for class in a class appropriate way. I wore a long silk black skirt, a cute tank with an orange shrug that draws attention to all my curves in the best way. I changed from my practical bra to a push-up, I changed from a black ballet slipper to a 4 inch black stiletto. My hair was in a cute ponytail,(which goes to the middle of my back) I had on my glasses which, I know he loves and I looked like the beautiful, intelligent, hot, funny, easy on the eyes, amazing woman that I am.
I walked into class looking and feeling confident.
Who did I see as soon as walked into class?
What did he say? With a big smile, "hey how ya doing?"
Me, "I'm great"
I had to sit right in front of him because I had no choice, but you know what? It worked out for the best.
I was able to flirt with him, wiht my back to him and in a very nonchalant, school appropriate way and without saying a word to him and make him realize what he lost out on without having to do a thing, but sit there in front of him and be who I am. In my black skirt with my stilettos that he daydreamed about with my hair in the perfect ponytail that is perfect for the pulling and which, I gave a very nonchalant pull to.
He had to sit and stare at me.
For two hours.
He fidgeted the entire time.
He made all kinds of nervous comments; he was trying to draw attention to himself.
I ignored him. Not in a junior high school way, no, simply in a, I have nothing to say to you way. When he spoke, I turned my head to acknowledge what he had to say. When I was completely lost I turned once to him to ask where the hell we were. Just enough to let him know I was there and I can be cool.
He fidgeted the whole time.
I kept ignoring him.
He left class 30 minutes early. When he was walking back from speaking with the instructor he had to walk towards me.
As he was leaving I looked up at him with a sly smile as if to say, "yeah, your loss"
He looked directly at me, gave a short nod and said, "I'll see you on Thursday." and then he took a glance at my (school appropriate) cleavage.
I did nothing, but be myself and show him what he lost out on and will never have a chance with or a shot with again. 'Fuck you,' I said to him without saying a word.
If he should ask me out for a drink or offer up an explanation, I will say, "What kind of possible explanation can you give me? Stop the bullshit. You are 36 motherfuckin years old, be a man. Fucking grow-up and be a man."

You know what I'll be doing for the next 5.5 weeks? Absolutely nothing. Nothing, but being my absolutely amazing, beautiful, intelligent, witty, funny, amazing self. And he isn’t going to get any of it. Go fuck yourself, you stupid ass.

So, Wavelinds, no,I am not surprised by the lengths men will go to to get laid. However, I am that girl who will tell a guy who is spilling bullshit all over the place, "you're not going to get laid. So, you can either stop with the bullshit and have a real conversation or you can move on." I will also let a guy do all the bullshit he thinks he needs to do and buy me all the drinks he thinks he needs to buy me because he is foolish enough to think he can get me drunk, and well, congratulations, you just got stuck with a $83.00 tab and I'm still sober. Bullshit, lines, they're not necessary. Not with me. I'm not an idiot; if alcohol is involved I know what the end goal the guy has in mind.

However, what irritates me about this guy is that there was no bullshit. None that was detectable. I asked if he was looking for something casual at the same time we both said how stupid that would be with someone you have to see every week, twice a week. And if that's what this was and what he wanted, then you know what? Don't do the follow-up bullshit. Don't.
No, what irritates me is that what got me, what hooked me is that he could carry on a fucking conversation. The art of conversation is dead and it's sad. No, that's what got me. An active interest and participating in a tit for tat no bullshit conversation.
That's what irritates me.
I fell for conversation.
The fact that conversation can be used as bullshit. I'm not talking bullshit conversation either. I'm talking honest, sincere conversation. That's what I fell for. And I think that's just sad.
I am tired of guys. Be a man. Be a motherfuckin man.


Will said...

*taps you on the nose*

Bad puppy! No, puppy, no!

Seriously, honey, it sounds like you were hoping this was going to go to another level (or at least get some more car carpet marks on your knees -- yum yum) and you're disappointed that it's fizzling out.

Don't get me wrong -- I'm not defending this guy. There really isn't a defense for passing up a hot and horny lil vixen like you, but your post makes me curious. Why didn't you try to talk to him over the holidays? Why would you provide the perfect situation for him to bail and then get disappointed when it happens? You would think during your great conversations the future would come up at some point.

Remember: I spank because I care, so take it like a good girl. ;)

Party Girl said...

Sit. good girl. (pats head) (wags tail)

There were talks about this going somewhere. I don't listen to or fall for the 'we' bit that guys tend to tell, but there certainly was talk. I was getting the tell me and the show me. It wasn't just talk. Again, were in class together if I wanted a fling it wouldn't be with someone I have to see again.

Why didn't I call him? Excellent question and I don't know that I can clearly state why here. He went home (across country) and said he would call when he returned. (no big deal) Normally this wouldn't stop me from calling someone up however, everything told me not to. I think my bullshit radar was starting to come up and I wanted to check it. Also, I thought if he didn't follow through well, guess what? You're now stuck stareing at what you lost out on for the next 6 weeks and that simply makes him an idiot. Make sense? Probably not, but play along.

thanks for the careing spanking. (wags tail and begs)

Kilt Trip said...

NO! Conversation is not just more bullshit hon. It's something that decent, intelligent, human beings do when we go out for cocktails.

It sounds like this guy still wasn't over his past, and now you're going to be upset about his hangups. Don't be. Just take the same approach you have now. (see me, nope! can't touch!)

Cheers, hope things look up.

Ho-Me-G said...

The right guy, when he comes along, will chase you because he can't get enough of you. He won't need an excuse to bail because he won't want to bail.

You were right to let him show his cards. He wasn't ready for a relationship anyway because he's separated. Wait till they're divorced - fewer distractions and their romantic future is obviously unentangled.

Party Girl said...

Everyone: I'm over it. His loss. Chalk it up to another dating mishap experience. Moving on. Done. So done. So over it. See, I vent for five seconds and I'm good.
Thanks for listening and caring and for the advice. Rob, you're right, his issues not mine why was I caring so much? Done.