be a man

So, this is probably going to come off as pissed off, but in all actuality I really am not. What I am is tired. Very tired. I am tired of dating guys. Stupid ass, emotionally uninvolved, too much bullshit, guys. I want a man.
So here is the story behind what happened with Mr. New Jersey (guy from class)
Everything was going well. He had great follow through. He called me, we dated, we talked. It was going awesome. No bullshit, no drama, no trauma, he was emotionally available, no lines. It was awesome. It was awesome and great.
Then he went home for two weeks for the holidays, he would call when he got home.
Fantastic.
I had a feeling I wouldn't hear from him, which I thought was completely asinine as we are in class together for the next six weeks. We are part of a group of four who sit together. He either sits in front of me or we sit next to each other. So, stupid.
Yep, didn't hear from him. Ok, no big deal. I have certainly blown off my share of men...scratch that, guys, in my life. However, not one that I have to spend the next six weeks with. Stupid move on his part. However, I was taking into consideration that he, has been separated for several months. He is 36 and was married for 13 years. He married young. He is making up for lost time. Perfectly understandable. Still stupid on his part.
So, what did I do?
I wore what I wore to work only I kicked it up a notch for class in a class appropriate way. I wore a long silk black skirt, a cute tank with an orange shrug that draws attention to all my curves in the best way. I changed from my practical bra to a push-up, I changed from a black ballet slipper to a 4 inch black stiletto. My hair was in a cute ponytail,(which goes to the middle of my back) I had on my glasses which, I know he loves and I looked like the beautiful, intelligent, hot, funny, easy on the eyes, amazing woman that I am.
I walked into class looking and feeling confident.
Who did I see as soon as walked into class?
Him.
What did he say? With a big smile, "hey how ya doing?"
Me, "I'm great"
I had to sit right in front of him because I had no choice, but you know what? It worked out for the best.
I was able to flirt with him, wiht my back to him and in a very nonchalant, school appropriate way and without saying a word to him and make him realize what he lost out on without having to do a thing, but sit there in front of him and be who I am. In my black skirt with my stilettos that he daydreamed about with my hair in the perfect ponytail that is perfect for the pulling and which, I gave a very nonchalant pull to.
He had to sit and stare at me.
For two hours.
He fidgeted the entire time.
He made all kinds of nervous comments; he was trying to draw attention to himself.
I ignored him. Not in a junior high school way, no, simply in a, I have nothing to say to you way. When he spoke, I turned my head to acknowledge what he had to say. When I was completely lost I turned once to him to ask where the hell we were. Just enough to let him know I was there and I can be cool.
He fidgeted the whole time.
I kept ignoring him.
He left class 30 minutes early. When he was walking back from speaking with the instructor he had to walk towards me.
As he was leaving I looked up at him with a sly smile as if to say, "yeah, your loss"
He looked directly at me, gave a short nod and said, "I'll see you on Thursday." and then he took a glance at my (school appropriate) cleavage.
I did nothing, but be myself and show him what he lost out on and will never have a chance with or a shot with again. 'Fuck you,' I said to him without saying a word.
If he should ask me out for a drink or offer up an explanation, I will say, "What kind of possible explanation can you give me? Stop the bullshit. You are 36 motherfuckin years old, be a man. Fucking grow-up and be a man."

You know what I'll be doing for the next 5.5 weeks? Absolutely nothing. Nothing, but being my absolutely amazing, beautiful, intelligent, witty, funny, amazing self. And he isn’t going to get any of it. Go fuck yourself, you stupid ass.

So, Wavelinds, no,I am not surprised by the lengths men will go to to get laid. However, I am that girl who will tell a guy who is spilling bullshit all over the place, "you're not going to get laid. So, you can either stop with the bullshit and have a real conversation or you can move on." I will also let a guy do all the bullshit he thinks he needs to do and buy me all the drinks he thinks he needs to buy me because he is foolish enough to think he can get me drunk, and well, congratulations, you just got stuck with a $83.00 tab and I'm still sober. Bullshit, lines, they're not necessary. Not with me. I'm not an idiot; if alcohol is involved I know what the end goal the guy has in mind.

However, what irritates me about this guy is that there was no bullshit. None that was detectable. I asked if he was looking for something casual at the same time we both said how stupid that would be with someone you have to see every week, twice a week. And if that's what this was and what he wanted, then you know what? Don't do the follow-up bullshit. Don't.
No, what irritates me is that what got me, what hooked me is that he could carry on a fucking conversation. The art of conversation is dead and it's sad. No, that's what got me. An active interest and participating in a tit for tat no bullshit conversation.
That's what irritates me.
I fell for conversation.
The fact that conversation can be used as bullshit. I'm not talking bullshit conversation either. I'm talking honest, sincere conversation. That's what I fell for. And I think that's just sad.
I am tired of guys. Be a man. Be a motherfuckin man.