Tuesday, January 17, 2006

it's all about the bullshit

Ok, again this might come across as pissed off, but actually I'm not.

Since watching the amazingly awesome movie called, "Wedding Crashers" I've been thinking about bullshit a lot. (Cause, they were bullshit artists.)
We all bullshit. Whether it's with friends, co-workers, bosses, interviews, whatever. We all do it. It's part of the everyday. I've been told I am a master bullshitter. Meaning? I have the gift for gab. I know. Take a moment and take that in. Done? Ok.
However, I'm talking about the night at the bar bullshit. The bullshit of hooking up and dating. This was part of my vent session on Sunday.

Guys think they have to bullshit to pick-up a girl at the bar.
"Can I buy you a drink?" translates to: "I want to fuck you and get you drunk. Not necessarily in that order."
If a guy offers to buy me a drink I will never turn down the drink. I also will not be going anywhere with him. (the 'him' is a stranger whose pick up line is, 'can I buy you a drink. Date, better buy me my drinks. Just wanted to be clear.) Reason? It's lame and says one thing, "I want to get laid and I don't care by who. I will offer to buy anyone in here a drink." This also goes back to my comments in previous posts of, "Congratulations you now have an $80.00 tab on your credit card. I hope you enjoy that when you get your bill next month." I'm not being mean or bitchy. I don't know any (single) woman who would pass up a free drink. To me it means nothing else. You spent x amount on me willingly and freely. I didn't make any advances or promises. So men, don't buy a woman a drink at a bar. Actually, scratch that. Keep buying us all the drinks you want to. I thank you from the bottom of my purse.

Men who make up a story to get laid.
Ok, women do this too. However, I think men think they are being clever. A'la, "I am going off to fight a war tomorrow this might be my last day on Earth, please sleep with me." The guy thinks he's clever. "I got laid on a lie." When maybe the woman had a fantasy about sleeping with a solider. She knows you're really not one, but it was a fantasy and she wanted to fulfill it. Done.
Just in the same way the man has a fantasy about a flight attendant, or is it stewardess? Anyway, so the girl concocts a story that she is one and ta dah! fantasy fulfillment.

Maybe the bullshit is just about getting back in the game. That's what dating is, isn't it? I don't mean that in a harsh way, but it is. It's about trying to find someone who you are compatable with on whatever you deam important for you at the time.
Maybe you just ended a long term relationship and need a one night stand to 'cleanse' yourself of that person and to move on from them.
You feel shitty about your divorce and haven't had sex in awhile. You need to get some attention, doesn't matter from who, you just need to know you still have 'it'. So you bullshit your way through a conversation with someone at the bar to make youself feel attractive, worthy, wanted and to get yourself back in the game. Frankly, nothing gets you back in the game like getting laid after a dry streak.

We make up whatever it is we need to make up to be with someone for how ever long we want to be with someone.
First dates? They're nothing more than an interview with cocktails. Everyone is on their best behavior. Bullshit. That may or may not be who you really are. On a first date I am polished, coifed, groomed, and shaved. Lemme tell ya, this might not necessarily be me by the eighth date. Infact, it had better not be me by then. You are seeing my flaws. First date, no flaws. No flaws is bullshit.

So, when we think we are all being clever and have the story the next day to share about who and what was pulled over on someone, think about what might have been pulled over on you. It just may have been bullshit.


Allen Forbis said...

like the movie risky business, woke up and all my stuff was gone

Jay said...

Ah yes, indeed. "The Game."

I haven't played the Game since I was in my early 20's. That's because, in my 33 years on this earth, I've figured something out:

women... like... to... fuck...too!!!!

Shhhh! Don't tell anyone!

Honesty has gotten me laid many, many times more often than the Game ever has.

"I'm not looking for a relationship. I like fucking around too much." has escaped from my mouth more than a few times. Some women are VERY turned off by this. Fine. No problem. Have a nice day. Some women, however, are quite intrigued and want to get to know me better because of it and those are the types of women I'm looking for.

Not that I'll fuck just anybody who finds me interesting. If I think you're an idiot or I can't stand being in the same room with you for more than 5 minutes, I probably don't want to fuck you. (There are exceptions, but very rare.)

No games, no bullshit.

There's a song out there, (it's a country tune, but I won't hold that against it,) that goes something like this, "I ain't first class/ but I ain't white trash/ wild and a little crazy too/ some girls don't like boys like me/ ah, but some girls do."

Words I live by.

Will said...

I've never been good at it. I'm certainly social, but I can not be anything other than genuine...

Probably why I don't pick up chicks at bars.

Party Girl said...

allen: exactly

Jay: damn it! You let the secret out. here I thought I was fooling everyone.

I will take honesty over bullshit any and all days. Please, just be honest. If I think a guy is worth my time, but I think he is spreading manure all over the place, I'll stop and him and tell him not to be that guy. Don't be that guy. Just don't.

Honesty. Give me the mind fuck of conversation. You've got me with the mind fuck.

Also, I'm actually pretty selective about who gets to sleep with me and who gets my time. I'm with you on that.

I won't hold it against you that you referenced a country song either. (I actually know it. SShhh)

Party Girl said...

Will: you're just not good a picking up the right kind of girl. Genuine, unfortunetly does not fly very well at bars. We're too use to the bullshit. Therefore, genuine doesn't translate well over cocktails

Kilt Trip said...

My blog profile's occupation is listed as "freelance stand-up philosopher". Any Mel Brooks fan can tell you that it's just a nice way of saying "Bullshit Artist".

Party Girl said...

Rob: I got the reference. And you are an excellent one. (it's a compliment)

Ho-Me-G said...

Bullshit is what happens when a person has no confidence in who they are. Which says that they should be avoided because they'll bore the shit out of you otherwise.

Lies take energy to keep them up, and the truth is always much simpler. And as Jay said, women enjoy sex too.

Personally, I'd rather spend my energy on being interesting than in trying to appear interesting. That way, if I find someone truly fantastic in bed, I'm more likely to repeat the experience after the first time.

wavslidn said...

I have never enjoyed the polished and proper thing - when I go out I just do my own thing and I hope that the other people around me are doing the same thing. I have not done the bar / trolling thing since back in college and even back then, I did not like picking up chics at bars. I always enjoyed talking (for a little while at least) and bars are just not good for that. Stepping outside or going for a walk on the beach is always much better. I don't think I have ever gone out with the purpose of finding a chic to date - they have just found me. I am not saying I never looked for a one-nite stand, but most of the time, those found me as well.

College is just the perfect setting for one night stands and lots of sex. One of my first nights in college I passed out in the girls' suite on the floor upstairs from me (there was a party at the time). As I woke up, the only other people in the suite were drunk girls talking about how much they liked getting laid and just having fun. That is when I realized, just like Jay said "women like to fuck too!!" I realized the BS, cheesy lines weren't the way to get into a girls pants - pretending to pay attention and being interested worked much better (I know, I know - but it is true). If you made her feel good about herself, she would often return the favor.

As for "On a first date I am polished, coifed, groomed, and shaved", I would just prefer the "shaved" on the first date - that would be alot more fun.